Meryl Morgan: Actually, I'm a member of PETA. "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals."
Emma Wheeler: So am I. Except mines "People for Eating Tasty Animals."
Emma Wheeler: Here you go. Sunny-side eggs with bacon, sausage with bacon, home fries, homemade biscuits and country gravy. Can I get you anything else?
Paul Morgan: No, thanks. Just the angiogram.
Emma Wheeler: [on horseback, pointing a gun at the killer. Who's about to shoot Paul Morgan] Hey, I've got plenty of room on my wall for another head.
Earl Granger: You're not getting smart with me, are you, tea-drinker?
Paul Morgan: You know what I did to the last man who called me that? I stole his crumpet.
Paul Morgan: Luckily I called ahead and got us a table by the mayonnaise.
Meryl Morgan: You could've been killed!
Paul Morgan: I am just deeply touched that, that would of bothered you.
Paul Morgan: I love you Meryl. If you are in fact Meryl, I can't really see.
U.S. Marshal Henderson: In the meantime, we'll put you in a temporary spot until we can find a more permanent spot.
Meryl Morgan: What do you mean by "permanent"?
U.S. Marshal Henderson: I don't mean permanent. I mean official site.
Meryl Morgan: Yeah, but you said permanent. So if you don't catch this guy, then the official site becomes the permanent site?
Meryl Morgan: I'm sorry, I don't mean to drag our personal problems into this, but at this exact moment, I can't commit to spending the rest of my life with my husband.
U.S. Marshal King: I know exactly how you feel.
Meryl Morgan: Now that we're on the jet, can you tell us where we're going?
U.S. Marshal Henderson: Ray, Wyoming.
Paul Morgan: Is that anywhere near Phil, Wyoming?
Meryl Morgan: I've never been to a Bargain Barn.
Clay Wheeler: Are you pulling my leg?
Paul Morgan: They don't have them in New York.
Clay Wheeler: What's that got to do with anything?
Meryl Morgan: Well, that's why I've never been to one.
Clay Wheeler: I'm still not following you.
Meryl Morgan: They don't have Bargain Barns in New York, so that's why I've never been to one.
Paul Morgan: We've also never been to one in Chicago, which is where we're from.
Clay Wheeler: Oh. I see.
Meryl Morgan: I thought Disneyland was the friendliest place on Earth.
Paul Morgan: No, no, no. Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth. Ray is the friendliest place. People probably get them confused all the time.
[about Meryl and Paul's arguing]
Clay Wheeler: These two are worse than Vito the Butcher.