Defendor: If you break the law, you're a punk. If you break the law with a badge, you're a punk with a badge.
Chuck Dooney: [Being "tortured" by Defendor] Please, God, not the lime juice!
Kat: Here. You can even have your comic back, too. First issue. You think it's worth something? You're wrong. Some geek offered me four bucks for it. Apparently Strontium 90 and the Hellhound Gang sucks balls.
Arthur Poppington: You shouldn't take other people's stuff.
Kat: Oh, really? Thanks for the tip. Should I suck your cock now?
Arthur Poppington: Why do you smoke that stuff?
Kat: Why do you dress up like a superhero?
Arthur Poppington: Mmm... 'Cause superheroes aren't stupid. They're not afraid. And when I'm Defendor, I'm not Arthur any more. I'm a million times better than Arthur.
Kat: Well, when I smoke that stuff, I'm not afraid or stupid. I'm not me, either. It's the same.
Arthur Poppington: Yeah, but you should want to be you because you're really pretty.
Judge Wilson: [reading diagnosis] FAS, ADD, depression, delusional megalomania, unable to anticipate consequences, serious lack of common sense, socially immature. Sounds like me.
Woman: [calling in to radio show] I think he's a real hero.
Arthur Poppington: There'll be time for questions later. Right now, I need your help.
Chuck Dooney: Who writes your dialogue? Superman?
Defendor: No. I write it myself.
Chuck Dooney: You know what? You need a good ghost writer. Somebody with talent.
Defendor: No. You need a ghost writer. 'Cause that's what you're going to be after I pulverize you.
Dr. Park: There are probably better ways to deal with people like that.
Arthur Poppington: There are at least eight ways to break out of this dump. I'm taking the front door.
Constable Mike: Captain, this guy is pretty funny. He says he wants to call a truce.
Captain Fairbanks: A vigilante?
Constable Mike: No. No, he's a superhero. He calls him Defendor. And that's with an O-R, Captain. It's not an E-R. Defendor. And he flips out if you get that wrong. It's very bizarre.
Arthur Poppington: Well, you spend all of my money on drugs.
Kat: Yeah, and...?
Arthur Poppington: Well, you should spend it on a typewriter, like Lois Lane.
Kat: Well guess what? I'm not Lois Lane, and you're not fucking Superman. So go jack off on some other fantasy, all right?
Paul Carter: [to the Judge] He dresses up in tights and he calls himself Defendor, with a big D on his chest and on a cape.
Arthur Poppington: No. Capes are for flying. I don't... I don't fly.
Paul Carter: Do you remember when you saved Jack's life? I'll never forget what you did that day. You were just a regular guy doing something remarkable. You don't need a costume. Ordinary people, they do extraordinary things all the time. You're always going to be that hero, Arthur, just by being yourself.
Dr. Park: Arthur? Arthur.
Arthur Poppington: Yeah.
Dr. Park: Are you thinking about the question?
Arthur Poppington: Mmm... Are you Japanese?
Dr. Park: No.
Arthur Poppington: Mieko Tatsuri is Japanese.
Dr. Park: Oh. Who is Mieko Tatsuri?
Arthur Poppington: Mmm... She's the leader of Blowback. Her father is a ninja and her mother is an alien from the gamma sector.
Dr. Park: Okay well, I'm Korean from Earth.