The Watch (I) (2012)
Jamarcus: I have this one scenario in my mind. I kinda hope it plays out like this: young, sexy, Asian housewife, alone at night, frightened. A noise out by the trash cans. Best call the neighbourhood watch. I show up, look heroic, and then... get this - she sucks my balls.
Franklin: I'm also interested in that happening to me.
Evan: [Looking at green gunge] Wait a second. I've seen this stuff before.
Franklin: Had you just won a Nickelodeon Kid's choice award?
Franklin: Pigs have uniforms, I think we should have uniforms too. Gotta match those fuckers on every level.
Bob: You know what, pal? If being overly aggressive and a little bit snippy was a crime, I'd be making a citizen's arrest right now.
Manfred: Why don't you just shut your cocksucker there, dickweed?
Jamarcus: Can I just say, Bob, that these are the shits?
Franklin: Just "the shit."
Jamarcus: These are just shit.
Franklin: Lock and load, bitches! Anything from outer space, kill it!
Bob: Singing was their hobby. Closing ass was their job.
Bob: Here's the best case scenario: he's a lonely old man, he wants to waltz, he wants to listen to some of the old songs from his childhood. Worst case scenario: you're getting fucked in the ass.
Bob: What the fuck is he doing here?
Evan: It's ok he saved us!
Franklin: Ya he came in here jackin' dicks left and right.
Bob: [about his massage chair] That is the best 2300 bucks I ever spent. I got it at a place called relaxtheback.com. It's like Toys-R-Us for your ass and back.
Franklin: [revealing his gun collection] Welcome to candyshop, motherfuckers!
Bob: When are you gonna take the plunge and knock a few out?
Evan: Well, it's not that simple.
Bob: Well, it's about as simple as putting your dick in a vagina. You know what I mean? Make it happen.