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The Watch (2012) Poster

(I) (2012)

Quotes

Jamarcus: I have this one scenario in my mind. I kinda hope it plays out like this: young, sexy, Asian housewife, alone at night, frightened. A noise out by the trash cans. Best call the neighbourhood watch. I show up, look heroic, and then... get this - she sucks my balls.

Franklin: I'm also interested in that happening to me.

Evan: [Looking at green gunge] Wait a second. I've seen this stuff before.

Franklin: Had you just won a Nickelodeon Kid's choice award?

Franklin: Pigs have uniforms, I think we should have uniforms too. Gotta match those fuckers on every level.

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Bob: You know what, pal? If being overly aggressive and a little bit snippy was a crime, I'd be making a citizen's arrest right now.

Manfred: Why don't you just shut your cocksucker there, dickweed?

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Jamarcus: Can I just say, Bob, that these are the shits?

Franklin: Just "the shit."

Jamarcus: These are just shit.

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Franklin: Lock and load, bitches! Anything from outer space, kill it!

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Jamarcus: Nice to meet you.

Manfred: Fuck you, curly!

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Bob: Singing was their hobby. Closing ass was their job.

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Bob: Here's the best case scenario: he's a lonely old man, he wants to waltz, he wants to listen to some of the old songs from his childhood. Worst case scenario: you're getting fucked in the ass.

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Manfred: Neighborhood watch, what a fucking joke!

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Bob: What the fuck is he doing here?

Evan: It's ok he saved us!

Franklin: Ya he came in here jackin' dicks left and right.

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Bob: [about his massage chair] That is the best 2300 bucks I ever spent. I got it at a place called relaxtheback.com. It's like Toys-R-Us for your ass and back.

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Franklin: [revealing his gun collection] Welcome to candyshop, motherfuckers!

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Franklin: Listen to my words, and hear his face!

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Franklin: Fuckin' alien came on my face.

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Bob: When are you gonna take the plunge and knock a few out?

Evan: Well, it's not that simple.

Bob: Well, it's about as simple as putting your dick in a vagina. You know what I mean? Make it happen.

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Evan: Costco is for members only.

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Jamarcus: It's OK. Touch my goo, Bob!

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Hero Alien: We are already among you!

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Evan: You've been planning an alien invasion... in my Costco?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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