Lady Catherine de Bourgh: [haughtily] I shall say what I have to say, and then I shall leave immediately. First, I made it pellucidly clear to you, Mrs. Bennet, over my salt, that I considered the brothers Collins an excellent match for your daughters. Yet you have done nothing to promote the cause. On the contrary, you have abandoned them to a house run by criminally incompetent servants. Well, what do you have to say for yourself?
Mrs. Bennet: I say this. You are a prig, madam, a pander and a common bully. And you cheat at cards. Do you suppose you may enter my house and brandish your hat at me thus? I have a mind to turn you upside down and use you to scrape out Ambrosia's sty.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh: [coldly] Madam, I take my leave of you.
Mrs. Bennet: Do! Or I shall take you out and set to scraping.
[Jane and Amanda try to stop themselves giggling]
Mrs. Bennet: Scrape, scrape, scrape I shall go!
Mr. Bennet: Tally ho, wife!
Mr Collins: Mrs. Bennet, you must desist.
Jane Bennet: Oh, be quiet, you silly man. Do you suppose Mama would permit her daughters to be married to your brothers, when before her very eyes is the specimen of you?
Amanda Price: Mrs. Bennet, that was... bloody marvellous.
Mrs. Bennet: [modestly] It *was* refreshing.
Amanda Price: I need to use the telephone. I need to call my boyfriend.
Elizabeth Bennet: Of course.
[hands Amanda a mobile phone]
Amanda Price: [to herself, incredulous] Elizabeth Bennet is lending me her mobile.
Amanda Price: Hear that sound, George? Duh-uh-uh-uh! That's Jane Austen spinning in her grave like a cat in a tumble-dryer.
Mr. Darcy: [Bursts into room] Ah! Well met, well met! Bingley, Miss Lydia and I have just now returned from the opera...
Mr. Bingley: Darcy.
Mr. Darcy: ...And the problem with the opera of course, is one cannot...
Mr. Bingley: Sir, will you have done? Your subterfuge is well-meaning but it is puerile and demeans us all. There is no opera in Hammersmith. You've just arrived from god-knows-where, that much is plain.
Mr. Bingley: Miss Lydia and I came yesterday and have spent our hours philosophizing. Although her father would have it, we've been making the beast with two backs.
Mr. Bennet: Time to take the weapons from the wall, Mr. Bingley! Pick up your damn spear and take guard!
Amanda Price: This physician of yours, Mr. Darcy, can he do stitches?
Mr. Darcy: Stitches? He is not a dressmaker!
Amanda Price: Wickham. You are a bastard, but you are the right bastard at the right time.
Mr. Wickham: One does one's best.
Mr. Darcy: Are my wits disordered by opium? Where is this dreadful place?
Amanda Price: This is London. My London.
Mr. Darcy: I love you. I have followed you to this infernal place because I would follow you anywhere. I would harrow Hell to be with you!
Elizabeth Bennet: Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley? I am your wife.
Mr. Darcy: I do not recall marrying you, Madam. I think I would have noticed if I had.
Elizabeth Bennet: We have been married nearly 200 years.
Mr. Darcy: The gentleman on the bath-chair. I have seen his likeness. Tinky Winky.
Elizabeth Bennet: I must switch off the appliances. My employers are most anxious about the size of their footprint.
Michael: What do you mean Darcy? Darcy's some ponce in a book! Some todger-twitching nancy boy!
Mr. Darcy: What is this curious peron? Is it some sort of village idiot... or a clown?
Amanda Price: The rest of us are gonna say goodbye nicely and watch you step through all that plumbing into fictional Georgian England and that'll be it. And then we'll all spend the rest of our lives in therapy. It's going to be fine.
Elizabeth Bennet: The door does not oblige.
Amanda Price: It bloody well does oblige! This is Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet coming through for God's sake!
Amanda Price: Don't worry about Charlotte. She's gone to be a missionary in Africa!
Elizabeth Bennet: Africa? What have I done? It was a joke between us when we were children - that if life became irreparably miserable and lonely, one can always run away to Africa...
Mr. Wickham: Where am I to sleep?
Amanda Price: I am grateful to you, George. But where you... put yourself tonight is not my concern. Perhaps you should address yoruself to Mr. Collins.
Mr. Wickham: I doubt Mr. Collins is equipped to give me satisfaction with regards to this enquiry.
Amanda Price: Then you must take matters into your own hands. Mine are full.
Amanda Price: Normal transmission is resumed.
Elizabeth Bennet: What an insufferable, rude man!
Mr. Darcy: Miss Price.
Amanda Price: Yes. We should celebrate. You asked me a question and I answered it. And we didn't have an argument about it.
Mr. Darcy: I did not ask you a question. I made an observation, 'Miss Price'. The confirmation of your identity was entirely superfluous. As a result we are now arguing about it. And therefore, you are wrong.
Amanda Price: That's so sweet. You're actually trying to make me laugh.
Mr. Darcy: Yes. It shall not occur again.
Amanda Price: And you're smiling.
Mr. Darcy: No, no. I only smile in private... when nobody is looking.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh: Well? What do you have to say for yourself?
Mrs. Bennet: I say this: You are a prig, Madam. A pander. And a common bully. And you cheat at cards! Do you suppose you may enter my house and brandish your hat at me thus? I have a mind to turn you upside down and use you to scrape out Ambrosia's sty.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh: Madam, I take my leave of you.
Mrs. Bennet: Do! Or I shall take you out and set to scraping! Scrape, scrape, scrape, I shall go!
Mr. Bennet: Tally-ho, wife!
Mr. Collins: Mrs. Bennet, you must desist!
Jane Bennet: Oh be quiet, you silly man. Do you suppose Mama would permit her daughters to be married to your brothers when before her very eyes is the specimen of you?
Mr. Bennet: Tonight Mrs. Bennet, with your permission, I think I shall sleep in our bedroom.
Mr. Bingley: We shall have 25 children and name them all 'Amanda'. Even the boys.
Amanda Price: Look, in the book you don't exactly hit it off - to begin with. Just keep talking. From the talking comes the love.