Homer Simpson: I heard somewhere your people are hospitable.
Mina: That is true. You may come in.
Homer Simpson: Praised be Oliver!
Mina: That's Allah.
Homer Simpson: We'll look it up in the Corona.
Kearney: What's your name, spud-stain?
Kearney: Bash here. I love a kid that comes with instructions.
Bart Simpson: Stupid angry mob chasing me for shining a harsh light on modern society. Now I know how Dane Cook feels.
Moe Szyslak: Homer, this is serious. That Bashir kid is Muslim, and that means he's up to something.
Homer Simpson: I really shouldn't pass judgment until I see a fictional TV show espousing your point of view.
Marge Simpson: Remember our deal: we each get to return one Christmas gift with no hurt feelings. I'm returning this kitten calendar.
[Calendar has "from Bart" sticker on it]
Lisa Simpson: Um, I'm also returning the kitten calendar.
Homer Simpson: Kitten calendar.
[Maggie holds up calendar]
Bart Simpson: But those are fifteen month calendars. That means three extra kittens.
[He takes all the calendars]
Bart Simpson: Fine. That's the last time I shop for all of you at the last minute.
Marge Simpson: Lisa, add a new name to our Christmas list, next to our Jewish friends. Say, where is Lisa?
Bart Simpson: She said something about "bottom of the ocean" and "back in a month".
Bart Simpson: You're new here, so here's what you need to know: we call Principal Skinner "Principal Skin-rash", Professor Weiner is "Professor Whiner", and Groundskeeper Willie is Grounds-Creepier Stupid.
Groundskepper Willie: That's not even clever. There are so many aspects of my personality you can mock. I'm poor, I'm illiterate, I think movies are real...
Bart Simpson: All this years I've been petting lambs when I should have been shoving them in my mouth.
Homer Simpson: So, now that we're alone, death to America, right?
Bart Simpson: You can't just wail on some one because they're... what religion are you?
Bart Simpson: Whoa boy!
Lisa Simpson: I got a gift from Mapple! Such beautiful packaging. I never thought a company would be my soulmate.
Homer Simpson: [about a banner that reads "Sorry for my intolerance"] That banner has paid for itself over the years.
Bart Simpson: What's that exotic aroma? It smells like a hamburger being cooked in a rug store.
Krusty: I hate this MyPod! I can't watch movies on a screen this smalll, and the music today, don't get me started!
Krusty: I said, don't get me started!
Krusty: Well, isn't anybody gonna get me started?
[Bart starts to speak, but Homer stops him]
Krusty: Fine. Come on, Mr. Teeny. Maybe somebody at Old Navy will get me started.
Bashir: Excuse me, sir. Your son dropped this.
[Gives Homer Bart's slingshot]
Homer Simpson: Sir? That's the kind of respect you have to strangle out of American kids.
Bashir: Bart didn't tell me he had an older brother.
Homer Simpson: [Flatered laughter] I'm really 38.
Bashir: 38 waist, I'd believe.