Homer Simpson: I share your xylophobia!
Lisa Simpson: No, Dad, you mean "xenophobia". Xylophobia would be the fear of xylophones.
Homer Simpson: I *am* afraid of xylophones. It's the music you hear when skeletons are dancing!
Bart Simpson: Mom says I can have ice cream for breakfast. Oh, she's still here. Mom, can I have ice cream for breakfast?
Marge Simpson: No way, mister! It's just chocolate chip pancakes and syrup for you.
Krusty's Agent: It turns out the Krustyburger is the most unhealthy fast food item ever.
Krusty the Clown: Even worse than the Double Krustyburger?
Krusty's Agent: Apparently, yes.
Homer Simpson: [eating a Mother Nature Burger] I'm saving the planet! Where's my Nobel Prize?
Milhouse: Minnesota Vikings apparel? This is Tennessee Titans territory!
Marge Simpson: Look, Maggie. We have a nanny, just like Joe Piscopo and Ethan Hawke left their wives for.
Marge Simpson: You lost your job?
Homer Simpson: It's not my fault! Those barleyjacks filled me up with their liqueurs and liquors, but mostly the liqueurs.
Kent Brockman: So. you're guaranteeing it's safe to eat Ogdenville barley once more?
Ogdenville farmer: Well, where there's barley, there's rats, you know? Now, when will you be starting the interview?
Kent Brockman: That just went out live.
Ogdenville farmer: Well, then we're screwed.
Superintendent Chalmers: [weakly] Skinner! If I die, I want you to take over...
Principal Seymour Skinner: [pleasantly surprised] Really?
Superintendent Chalmers: ...the search committee for a new superintendent.
Principal Seymour Skinner: [shakes head dejectedly] Mmm...
Superintendent Chalmers: Just hold my head and say soothing things.
[lies down with head on Principal Skinner's leg]
Principal Seymour Skinner: Third grade math scores are holding steady.
[rubs Superintendent Chalmers' head]
Superintendent Chalmers: [contentedly] Aah, yes.