- Maggie Simpson: Throughout the ages, the finger painter, the Play-Doh sculptor, the Lincoln Logger, stood alone against the daycare teacher of her time. She did not live to earn aproval stickers, she lived for herself, that she might achieve things that are the glory of all humanity. These are my terms. I do not care to play by any others. And now, if the jury will allow me, it's naptime.
- King Julio: [Upon seeing a burning ship heading towards him] Normally I love to see flaming dreamboats heading my way, but not like this, baby! Not like this!
- Lisa Simpson: I know a story of a dangerous obsession with female beauty. It's called Snow White and the Seven...
- Lawyer: [interrupts Lisa] Excuse me. The story you are about to tell is a copyright property of the Walt Disney Corporation.
- [to a manicurist]
- Lawyer: Can you sharpen these?
- Lisa Simpson: Excuse me, but Snow White is a fairytale from hundreds of years ago. No one owns that.
- Lawyer: Are there any dwarves in your story?
- Lisa Simpson: Yes. But they are my own original creation. There's Crabby, Drunky, Hungry, Greedy, Lenny...
- Kearney: Kearney!
- Lisa Simpson: And Doc... tor Hibbert.
- Chazz: Mel is like the son Laurence Olivier and John Gielgud always wanted but never had, but, oh, how they tried!
- Selma Bouvier: [as Elizabeth I] I don't need a man, for I have England.
- Moe Szyslak: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
- Lisa Simpson: This bed's too hard. This bed's too soft. This bed is just... like the first one, also too hard. I guess I'll sleep in the one that's too soft.
- Homer Simpson: [as Sir Walter Raleigh] Your Majesty, I come from the New World with a gift: a healthful and slimming herb, tobacco.
- Homer Simpson: Marge, I need some bribe money.
- Chief Wiggum: Well, don't say it so loud.
- Marge Simpson: All I have is some dry cleaner coupons.
- Chief Wiggum: Deal.
- [Takes coupons and lets Homer go]
- Homer Simpson: Thanks, Marge. But remember, there's still the civil lawsuit.
- Lenny: There's something in our house.
- Moe Szyslak: Let's put a pick axe in its brain!
- Lenny: You're in marketing. Why do you even have a pick axe?
- Moe Szyslak: If you were in marketing, you'd know.