Lisa Simpson: Woo-hoo! St. Patrick's Day! I love how they made the river green!
Mr. Burns: Actually, my nuclear plant did that. And now that you know, your life is in danger...
[walks off humming]
Mayor Quimby: Greetings, fellow Irishmen and lady Irishmen. I, Joseph Fitzgerald O'Malley Fitzpatrick O'Donnell The Edge Quimby, welcome you to Springfield's first booze-free St. Patrick's Day!
Marge Simpson: This was such a pleasant St. Patrick's Day until Irish people showed up.
Judge Roy Snyder: Bail is set at $25,000.
Homer Simpson: [scoffs] I make that in a year.
Ned Flanders: Okay, I'll join you Homer, but you must promise me that we will do everything by the book!
Homer Simpson: Then you gotta promise me no diddlies or doodlies!
Ned Flanders: You got yourself a deal-a-roonie!
Homer Simpson: D'oh!
Lisa Simpson: [On the conflict between Irish Catholics and English Protestants] It always comes down to transubstantiation versus consubstantiation.
Patrick Farelley: Patrick Farelley "Alright you unwanted miracles, give back the ladies cupcakes you don't have the teeth for"
Irish Urchins: Irish Urchins "Aye, but we can gum the frosting!"
Patrick Farelley: Patrick "Well if it's good gummin your after, wouldn't you rather have this lovely cabbage?"