Bad Teacher (2011)
Principal Wally Snur: I have received a call from Mark's dad saying the car wash was a success, and then I got a call from Chase's dad about the car wash being a great success, and then a call from Danni's dad saying we should have a car wash every weekend. So whatever she did, worked.
Russell Gettis: That was a nice thing you did for him.
Elizabeth Halsey: He was going through a difficult time.
Russell Gettis: I am going through a difficult time. May I have your panties?
Elizabeth Halsey: I'm not wearing any.
Shawn: LeBron is a better rebounder and passer.
Russell Gettis: LeBron will never beat Jordan. Call me when LeBron has six championships.
Shawn: That's your only argument?
Russell Gettis: It's the only argument I need Shawn!
Elizabeth Halsey: I'm going to suck your dick like I'm mad at it.
Mark: If the younger generation doesn't get into opera, then, guess what? No more opera! An art form has died. If opera goes away, we're fucked!
[the police find Elizabeth's drug stash in Amy's desk]
Amy Squirrel: Those aren't mine! That's not even my desk!
Elizabeth Halsey: [with fake sympathy] Don't worry, Amy. We'll get you the help you need.
Amy Squirrel: You MONSTER!
[goes for Elizabeth, only to be dragged off by the police]
Elizabeth Halsey: Did you know I walked in on him trying to fuck his dog? Peanut butter everywhere.
Amy Squirrel: [as she is being dragged away] You can check my urine! CHECK MY URINE! CHECK MY URINE!
Russell Gettis: Twilight, what did we talk about in class? Throw it through her, not at her.
Elizabeth Halsey: I tell you what I know. A kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt three days a week isn't getting laid until he's 29. that's what I know.
Scott Delacorte: Hey, they don't make songs like this anymore, right?
Russell Gettis: Ya know, that's actually not true, Scott. I'm writing a song right now called 855824177 ext. 777.
Elizabeth Halsey: Well, that's my spiel, as the Jews say.
Russell Gettis: So i heard about the whole engagement thing. That blows.
Elizabeth Halsey: Did you know i walk in on him trying to fuck his dog. Peanut Butter everywhere.
Elizabeth Halsey: Look Carl, I know that you are a very busy man; so I'm just gonna get right down to it. I've been speaking to various
[quick thinking pause]
Elizabeth Halsey: uh black citizens, who allege that you're test are biased toward white people and orientals.
Carl Halabi: Okay. Lemme tell you something right away. "A"... Orientals test better. "B"... every couple of years we get these cockamamie charges coming in from various parts of the state and - lemme duh-dat - You should hear the things that they call me! Racist. Faggatron. Faggy Hitler. Dick breath. Ok? But, I... am not a racist. I voted for Barack Obama. You can quote me on that.
Elizabeth Halsey: [takes bite out of an apple] I thought the teachers were supposed to get the apples.
Amy Squirrel: Well I think the students teach me at least as much as I teach them. That's just something I say sometimes.
Elizabeth Halsey: Stupid.
[tosses apple at a recycle bin and misses]
Scott Delacorte: Oh, I'm dry humping the shit out of you.
Elizabeth Halsey: Oh yeah, dry fuck the fuck out of me, Scott!
Scott Delacorte: Just stop talking.