Blair Waldorf: Limos and virgins, your specialty.
Chuck Bass: Just so you know, while there are few things I consider sacred, the back of the limo is one of them.
Emma Boardman: Aren't you done? You won. You, Muffy, my mom. I'm the only loser.
Blair Waldorf: You still don't get it. Having sex for the first time shouldn't be part of a competition to beat Muffy the lacrostitute. It should be with someone you love.
Emma Boardman: Was your first time with someone you loved?
Blair Waldorf: Yes, it was. And honestly there are better ways of getting your mother's attention.
Emma Boardman: I told you this is about Muffy.
Blair Waldorf: Please I wrote the book on distracted self-centered mother's. My mom has never met a single one of my teachers, she regularly forgets my birthday, and she only comments on my appearance when she has something to criticize.
Emma Boardman: But your perfect.
Blair Waldorf: True, but that's why I finally realized it wasn't about me, the same way it's not about you.
Emma Boardman: My mom always says when we come to the city we're gonna hang out and do mother daughter things. It never happens.
Blair Waldorf: So tell her that.
Blair Waldorf: Thank you God so much I won't let you down.
[looks at the picture of Emma's mom and another guy kissing]
Serena van der Woodsen: Chuck's seeing if the doorman knows Emma's guy.
Blair Waldorf: Why? Who cares about him?
Serena van der Woodsen: Blair no, this poor little girl's mother's having an affair no wonder she's acting out.
Blair Waldorf: So this is my golden ticket.
[refers back to the picture]
Serena van der Woodsen: You are not blackmailing that woman to get into Yale!
Blair Waldorf: Serena! Open your eyes, this is a sign from God he wants me to do this.
Serena van der Woodsen: This family needs help!
Blair Waldorf: Well no argument there, their even more screwed up than yours.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, please! Stop your mouth from moving!
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Looks like it's bros before hoes for little J. Who knew when her loyalty kicked in Nate would be kicked out.
Blair Waldorf: Emma, open up. Emma I know your in there.
[Blair knocking on Serge's apartment door trying to get Emma]
Emma Boardman: Go away! Serge is in the bathroom and when he gets out there's gonna be one less virgin around here.
Chuck Bass: You do have to admire her determination.
Emma Boardman: I'm not letting Muffy lose hers before me, she beats me in everything.
Chuck Bass: Tell her to check Gossip Girl.
Blair Waldorf: Emma do you have your phone? Check Gossip Girl it's important.
Emma Boardman: [picks up her phone] Look I already told you nothing's gonna... what?
[she opens the door]
Emma Boardman: It says Muffy's muff gets stuffed! Does that mean...
Blair Waldorf: That little Muffy took her first steps as a woman, afraid so.
Emma Boardman: She lost her virginity and her Gossip Girl cherry in the same night? But how did she get on Gossip Girl?
Chuck Bass: It pays to have connections.
Nate Archibald: What are you doing?
[Dan pushes Nate up against the wall]
Dan Humphrey: What am I doing? What are you doing? Or is that not you with my 15 year old sister?
[shows picture of Nate and Jenny kissing]
Nate Archibald: Okay, woah woah just calm down.
Dan Humphrey: We took you into our house Nate!
Nate Archibald: Look Dan it's not like I planned on it alright? Okay things just happen. I'm sorry. Come on, she's a sophomore, I'm a senior. Don't act like I'm some creepy older guy.
Dan Humphrey: No, your the guy who traded sex for money.
Nate Archibald: My god, Vanessa...
Dan Humphrey: It's amazing I don't want you with my little sister.
Nate Archibald: Okay look I'm sorry I didn't say anything about Jenny, okay? But you have no right to judge me.
Dan Humphrey: Where is she?
Nate Archibald: I don't even know, she went off to find Agnes.
Nate Archibald: Do you want me to come help you find her?
Dan Humphrey: No I don't want your help. I want you to pack up your stuff and get out of our house.
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] It seems the saying's true, like mother like daughter - or is it the other way around?
Blair Waldorf: Looks like you got nailed just not in the way you wanted!
Emma Boardman: Give me time. Serge and I were just moving the party over to his place.
Blair Waldorf: Serge? Honestly, how tacky are you?
Blair Waldorf: You! What did you do with her?
Chuck Bass: Hey! She assaulted me. Demanded I deflower her.
Blair Waldorf: Oh, limos and virgins your specialty.
Chuck Bass: Just so you know, what are the few things I consider sacred, the back of a limo is one of them.
[Blair slightly smiles]
Serena van der Woodsen: You look beautiful. Can we go now?
Blair Waldorf: Patience love. The sooner we get there the sooner the jig is up. I'll go check on the vestal virgin.
Blair Waldorf: Well you finally did it, made absolutely sure I'm never gonna get into Yale.
Serena van der Woodsen: What are you talking about?
Blair Waldorf: Little Emma? Turns out she's less little Holly Hobby and more Jenna Jameson!
Serena van der Woodsen: Can you speak plainly?
Blair Waldorf: She's determined to become a woman on my watch and if I don't help pimmp her she's gonna charcter assassinate me to the Dean.
Serena van der Woodsen: I don't understand I thought she liked ice cream and magic.
Blair Waldorf: Next time leave the scheming to the experts. What are those?
Serena van der Woodsen: Pictures from Camp Suisse. Aaron dressed up as Cecil the caterpillar. I bumped into him outside the Palace.
Blair Waldorf: The guy gave you a ring pop when you were six, move on.
Serena van der Woodsen: It was licorice and I was eight.
Blair Waldorf: Ancient unimportant history, focus Serena you got me into this and I'm not losing Yale because that little twarts libido!
Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Rumor has it that lady B's been outfoxed by a young fox.
Blair Waldorf: Oh sweet heaven.
[Emma comes out wearing a risqué dress]
Emma Boardman: So, Muffy McDonough's been bragging about how she's gonna lose her virginity cause she finally landed a date with the lacrosse captain. They call him the d-virginator.
Blair Waldorf: Oh my god stop your mouth from moving.
Emma Boardman: But now that I finally have the night away from mom and dad we'll see whose first. I'm saying TTFN to my you-know-what.
Blair Waldorf: Or maybe we'll see how your mom feels about your little clearance sale Lohan.
Emma Boardman: Please I heard you talking about getting into Yale, well Dean Berube is like my uncle so hlep me or I tell him how you took me into a club and got me wasted.
Dan Humphrey: I can't. I've got to go home and stare at my phone.