Mac: [panicking] Guys, why aren't the brakes working?
Charlie Kelly: Because I cut the brakes! Wild card, bitches! Yeeee-haw!
[jumps out of truck]
Dennis Reynolds: All right, buddy, now explain to me how exactly we are going to calculate the totals.
Charlie Kelly: Oh, it's easy, dude. You pour gas into the car using one of these funnels, right? And I count how much gas is going into the car.
Dennis Reynolds: All right, let me- let me just stop you right there. How exactly are you planning on counting a liquid?
Charlie Kelly: Uhh, I know how to count, dude. I'm not...
Dennis Reynolds: [to Mac] Okay, you do it. You do it, Mac, because I can't speak to him. I don't understand him.
Frank Reynolds: What do you see?
Dee Reynolds: I can't see shit! Why did you tint the inside of the windows?
Mac: We're getting plowed in the ass by the oil companies and the gas companies. With their 10-gallon hats and their rotten ass-plowing hearts.
Dennis Reynolds: [trying to persuade a bank clerk to give them a loan] You know, I just had a crazy thought. How's about I take you to the back and "change your mind"?
Charlie Kelly: Or how about we all go in the back and have great sex?
Dennis Reynolds: What are you doing?
Charlie Kelly: Hm? I'm playing the wild card here, man, so...
Mac: No, dude. Just let Dennis do his thing, okay?
Charlie Kelly: I can be very sensual with a woman, all right? You will enjoy it.
Dennis Reynolds: Now is not the right time to pull the wild card, okay? Let me do my thing. Let me do the seducing.
Mac: Look, let Dennis bang her so we can get our loan.
Charlie Kelly: Well, here's a scenario. What if she wanted to bang me, or you for that matter...
Dennis Reynolds: You can't pull the wild card when I already have my shirt off. That should be a rule. Can that be a rule?
Mac: Yes, that's a rule.
Charlie Kelly: Well, your shirt's not off.
Dennis Reynolds: [takes off shirt] Well, now it is, goddammit, bitch. Back off.
Charlie Kelly: Oh, yeah?
[takes off shirt]
Charlie Kelly: Oh, wow, now, baby!
Dennis Reynolds: Come on, man! This is my job!
Mac: [takes off shirt] Now I feel like I should do it.
Dennis Reynolds: What are you doing? Goddammit. Well, okay, so...
Mac: Why don't you decide? Which one of us do you want to take you in the back and bang you?
Mac: And you know what, Charlie? You shouldn't be making these decisions anyway, okay? You're not the decision making type. As the brains of this organization, I should've made this decision.
Dennis Reynolds: Hey, whoa, whoa, I'm sorry. Since when did you become the brains?
Mac: Uh... I'm sorry. I've always been the brains.
Dennis Reynolds: What? What are you talking about? I thought I was the brains. What the hell am I?
Mac: You're the looks.
Dennis Reynolds: Well, yeah, of course I'm the looks, but I always thought of myself as the brains and the looks.
Mac: No, you're the looks, I'm the brains, and Charlie's the wild card.
Charlie Kelly: Whoa. That's awesome!
Mac: Yeah! Yeah, that's the classic setup. You know this, no? Look, every great crew in history has followed that basic dynamic, right? Looks, brains, wild card. Think about it. The A-team did it. Scooby Doo did it. The Ghostbusters did it.
Charlie Kelly: Oh, shit.
Female Bank Clerk: All right. And what is the reason you're requesting a loan today?
Mac: Wait for it. Gasoline.
Female Bank Clerk: Excuse me?
Mac: Don't rush me.
Dennis Reynolds: Don't rush him.
Mac: Thank you, I feel rushed. Look, here's the plan. You give us a shitload of money, we buy a shitload of gasoline. We wait 12 months, we sell the gasoline, and make a shitload of profit.
Female Bank Clerk: Gentlemen, we tend to give loans to businesses, not, um...
Mac: She's not getting it. Get the graph.
Dennis Reynolds: Oh yeah, the graph.
Mac: We have a graph.
Dennis Reynolds: [holds up graph] Yeah, check this out. Now these are the gas prices last year, these are the gas prices this year, and this is what the gas prices will be.
Female Bank Clerk: [indicating women drawings] And what are those?
Dennis Reynolds: Uh, these are gorgeous women with heaving breasts.
Female Bank Clerk: Why?
Dennis Reynolds: Uh, well, to be perfectly honest, we sort of thought we'd be speaking to a man today, so...
Mac: Yeah. Is there any way that we could talk to your boss? Because I think he would understand more better.
Female Bank Clerk: My boss is a woman.
Dennis Reynolds: Your boss is a woman? Now this is a strange bank.
Female Bank Clerk: Okay, well, I am definitely rejecting your request for $300,000 to buy gasoline.