- Captain Hammer: It may not feel too classy, begging just to eat / But you know who does that? Lassie, and she always gets a treat / So you wonder what your part is / Because you're homeless and depressed / But home is where the heart is / So your real home's in your chest / Everyone's a hero in their own way / Everyone's got villains they must face / They're not as cool as mine / But folks you know it's fine to know your place / Everyone's a hero in their own way / In their own not-that-heroic way / So I thank my girlfriend Penny / Yeah, we totally had sex / She showed me there's so many different muscles I can flex / There's the deltoids of compassion, there's the abs of being kind / It's not enough to bash in heads, you've got to bash in minds / Everyone's a hero in their own way / Everyone's got something they can do / Get up go out and fly / Especially that guy, he smells like poo / Everyone's a hero in their own way / You and you and mostly me and you / I'm poverty's new sheriff / And I'm bashing in the slums / A hero doesn't care if you're a bunch of scary alcoholic bums / Everybody! / Everyone's a hero in their own way / Everyone can blaze a hero's trail / Don't worry if it's hard, if you're not a friggin 'tard you will prevail / Everyone's a hero in their own way / Everyone's a hero in their...
- Captain Hammer: [singing] This is so nice / Just might sleep with the same girl twice / They say it's better the second time / They say you get to do the weird stuff!
- Groupie #1, Groupie #2, Groupie #3: [singing] We do the weird stuff!
- Dr. Horrible: Here lies everything
- Dr. Horrible: The world I wanted at my feet
- Dr. Horrible: My victory's complete
- Dr. Horrible: So hail to the king
- Groupie #1: Everything you ever...
- Dr. Horrible: Arise and sing
- Dr. Horrible: So your world's benign
- Dr. Horrible: So you think justice has a voice
- Dr. Horrible: And we all have a choice
- Dr. Horrible: Well now your world is mine
- Groupie #1: Everything you ever...
- Dr. Horrible: And I am fine
- Dr. Horrible: Now the nightmare's real
- Dr. Horrible: Now Dr. Horrible is here
- Dr. Horrible: To make you quake with fear
- Dr. Horrible: To make the whole world kneel
- Groupie #1: Everything you ever...
- Dr. Horrible: And I won't feel
- Dr. Horrible: A thing
- Captain Hammer: [singing] Everyone's a hero in their own way / Everyone can blaze a hero's trail / Don't worry if it's hard / If you're not a friggin' 'tard you will prevail!