Robin wanted to have a girls' night with Lily, but Lily already had plans to go to a friend's birthday party. Robin got upset that she and Lily didn't get enough quality time to hang out because Marshall is always around, and she wanted to have more girl time.
Barney thought he could solidify his position as Ted's best friend (note: Marshall is Ted's best friend) by giving him a shot at designing Goliath National Bank's new headquarters in New York City. The company was looking to hire "Sven," -- an uber-modern architecture "collective" from Sweden. Barney wanted the job to go to an American architecture firm, telling Bilson, "With all due respect, it would be terrible if a job that could go to a hard-working American architecture firm went to a bunch of French guys." He suggested Ted for the job, and Barney and Marshall were excited to get Ted in on "the conference call" -- when Barney and Marshall go into each other's office and say "the conference call is about to start," then go up to the roof of the building to drink beer. Barney decided that drinking at work made them "basically Mad Men."
"I'm going to go smack a secretary on the ass," Barney said.
"That's so what they would do on that show," Marshall replied.
"What show?" Barney asked.
Ted was excited at the possibility of landing a huge job and being able to point to a building in the New York skyline and proclaim it as his.
Lily and Robin headed out to Lily's friend Jillian's birthday party at a cheesy bar when they realized that Jillian is a "Woo Girl." What's a Woo Girl? "A Woo Girl," Old Ted's voiceover explained, "is a type of young woman, who like the cuckoo bird or the Whip-Poor-Will, gets get name from the signature sound she makes."
"A woo can be elicited from a certain song coming on the jukebox ("Sweet Home Alabama" plays); to half-priced shots; from a ride on a mechanical bull; to, well, pretty much anything," Old Ted continued. Lily said Jillian didn't seem like a Woo Girl.
Barney showed up at the bar after hearing about the presence of Woo Girls and, when Lily questioned the world's need for Woo Girls, gave a classic Barney speech that deserves a full transcription here:
"The world absolutely needs Woo Girls. If there were no Woo Girls, there would be no 'Girls Gone Wild,' no bachelorette parties, no Las Vegas poolside bars. All of the things that you hold dearest, Lily, would be gone."
"Those are none of those things --" Lily tried to interject, but Barney continued. "The souvenir shot-glass industry would collapse; so would the body-glitter industry -- and, the stretch Hummer rental industry. Tiny cowboy hats would be worn only by tiny cowboys. And when 'Brown- Eyed Girl' would come up on the jukebox, all you would hear ... would be silence .... and 'Brown-Eyed Girl.' But who would 'woo,' Lily? Who would 'woo'? Would you? Would you ... 'woo'?"
Ted dove into his architecture pitch for two weeks and gave what he thought was a good presentation. But that night, Barney had bad news. The board decided to go with Sven. Just then, Robin rolled by in a stretch Hummer with a champagne bottle in hand, "woo"-ing at the top of her lungs.
Ted was bummed about not getting the job, but Barney assured him he'd done everything he could to change the board's mind. Ted was down because after his rough couple of months he needed that job more than he thought. Marshall asked him if he wanted to go to the current GNB building and pee on it. They left.
Lily and Robin had a Dr. Seuss-like exchange about Robin's "woo"-ing. Robin explained that she's usually the third wheel with Lily and Marshall and that she sometimes likes to "woo" with other single girls.
Marshall told Bilson that he thought Ted would have been great for the building project and Bilson said he agreed. "That's why I voted for him," Bilson said. Marshall realized that Barney must have actually voted against Ted. He called for a conference call and they went to the roof, where Barney revealed the truth. After Ted's presentation, Sven, who designed a Tyrannosaurus Rex and promised Barney his office would be in the T-Rexs brain, blew Barney away. His desk would have a button that, when pressed, would make the building breathe fire out of the T-Rex's mouth. Barney decided there was no way the building could be more awesome. Marshall got upset, told Barney this would be their last "conference call," and locked him on the roof.
Robin was hanging out with the Woo Girls when Lily showed up wearing a plastic red fireman's helmet, trying to prove she could "woo" with the best of them. Robin wasn't buying it. Barney was left hanging out on the roof with Sven. The Woo Girls "wooed" after calling each other bitches and sluts and whores, Lily made the moment awkward by trying to join in, saying, "You're all a bunch of prostitutes. You probably have STDs!"
Robin explained to Lily that she has everything the Woo Girls wanted. "Look at them and listen to what their 'woos' are really saying," Robin told her. They looked at the girls, with subtitles explaining their "woos."
One girl's woo said, "I cry in the shower." Another said, "I've never been on a second date." Jillian said, "What if I never get to be a mom?!" And the last girl said, "I'm secretly in love with Jillian." Then, Ted suddenly appeared, "woo"-ing, with his "woo" saying, "My career and love life are going nowhere."
Robin said she's a little like the Woo Girls right now, but when she needs to talk about something real, she turns to Lily. Lily promised to make more time for them.
Barney showed up and told Ted that Goliath National Bank fired Sven and Ted got the job. "The search committee realized they made the wrong decision," Barney said. He was about to tell Ted the truth about why he didn't get the job in the first place, but Marshall jumped in and blamed it on Bilson. Ted rejoiced, knowing he'd just scored his firm the biggest account it ever had. "Woooo!" Ted said (with the subtitle explaining his "woo" said "Now only my love life is a disaster.")
They talked about Barney riding the mechanical bull, but he said he wouldn't if they paid him because he has "an inner-ear thing." Old Ted explained that Marshall caved and told the truth about Barney about 10 minutes later. That was when they tied Barney to the mechanical bull, put it on a setting called paint mixer, and went home.
"It was a pretty great night," Old Ted said.
Finally, we see somebody get Barney off the mechanical bull. He tries to keep his balance, but doesn't have much luck. Then we see Jillian and her friend that's secretly in love with her sitting at the bar. Her friend suggests they have a threesome with some guy in the bar, and in lack of a guy, if Jillian would like to...
Jillian interrupts her with the suggestion of asking Ted. The friend looks a little discouraged by this, but goes along with Jillian.
Barney tries to get to the girls to tell them he'd be interested, but since he's still dizzy from the mechanical bull, falls over again.