Marshall Eriksen: So, how's the job hunt going?
Robin Scherbatsky: Didn't you hear? I got a job at CNN this morning. And I moved to a penthouse made of gold overlooking Central Park. Get your head out of your ass, Marshall.
Barney Stinson: God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, although a lot of girls call out your name because of me. Awesome. But God, if you could get me out of this, I swear I will never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ev...
[his phone rings. Fellow church goers shoot him ugly looks. Barney looks at the phone]
Barney Stinson: Oh, hang on, bro...
[after Robin runs screaming out of the room]
Marshall Eriksen: Talking baby commercial?
Ted Mosby: Talking baby commercial.
Robin Scherbatsky: Babies are scary. They got big eyes, and that soft spot... If there was a self-destruct button, at least it should be somewhere hard to get at.
Lily: Maybe it is a false alarm. Maybe she is not pregnant.
Barney: Lily, no part of Barney Stinson does anything less than a 110%. If one my little Michael Phelps has got loose, he is swimming for a gold.
Lily Aldrin: Marshall and I made this big decision to have... dinner... and I thought I was ready to have... dinner... but then he called and canceled and it got me thinking, is it too early for us to have... dinner?
Ted Mosby: Well, I had an early lunch, so I'm ready for dinner
Lily Aldrin: Dinner is a baby
Robin Scherbatsky: Lily, that's horrible!
Lily Aldrin: Ted, you may be single and childless, but you're totally a dorky dad.
Ted Mosby: I don't think I like your tone, young lady.
[Lily shrinks, as if she is the daughter]
Marshall Eriksen: [On the phone] Hey, babe. It's breakfast time in China.
Lily Aldrin: Yeah it is.
Marshall Eriksen: Not a euphemism. Look, I... wait... what would that even mean?
Lily Aldrin: I don't know. Hot buns, spicy pork, there's something there. You're not coming home tonight are you?
Marshall Eriksen: [shakes his head]
Lily Aldrin: Are you shaking your head no?
Marshall Eriksen: [Nods]
Lily Aldrin: I thought so.
Robin Scherbatsky: What's that?
Lily Aldrin: One of Jeremy's socks. I'm having a baby!
Robin Scherbatsky: But what about all the things we talked about?
Lily Aldrin: But... but sock!
Robin Scherbatsky: What about Marshall working all the time?
Lily Aldrin: But sock!
Robin Scherbatsky: What about Project Lily?
Lily Aldrin: It's got little fishies on it!
Robin Scherbatsky: All this discussion, and a sock makes your decision for you?
Ted Mosby: I guess that's what you call a sock-er punch.
Lily: [about having a baby] Marshall's really excited. But I think he only see's what's cute about having a baby, not what's hard about it.
Lily: Like the other day, while Marshall was playing with baby Jeremy, I was talking with Jeremy's mom.
Charlotte: Thank so much for inviting us over. I have not talked to another adult in like weeks. Well, besides my husband, but 'It's your turn to change him' and 'Make him shut up' really doesn't count as conversation. Sorry. I'm rambling. I haven't gotten laid in seven months. Oh, I just did it again. Sleep deprivation! Oh, wait, I'm not crying, am I? I usually am. I don't mean to complain. Oh, now I feel bad.
[Goes to the baby]
Charlotte: Oh, there's my little peanut. Oh I love you so much.
Lily: [In present] I'm going to be as strung out as Charlotte. Worse, actually. At least her husband works from home. I mean, he's a pot dealer but he's a very involved parent.