Robin Scherbatsky: Dear Marshall: I do not like that stupid hat. I want to beat it with a bat. Or maybe stab it with a fork. It makes you look like such a dork.
Ted Mosby: [reminiscing Interventions from the past] When I was going through the closet I thought I saw the intervention banner.
Marshall Eriksen: [rolling his eyes over, obviously hiding something] S-So?
Ted Mosby: So, the banner burned up. Why is there a new one?
Ted Mosby: [carries in a box with letters and an Interverntion banner] And there are sealed letters here from all of you that say "Ted." Were you guys planning an intervention for me?
Lily Aldrin: Oh, that... that was stupid. Yeah, just, just forget about that.
Ted Mosby: Wh-What was it for? The Crocs? The hair product?
Marshall Eriksen: [interrupts] Not Stella...
Ted Mosby: [stunned] Oh, my God, this was about Stella.
Marshall Eriksen: I just said *Not* Stella. So maybe it was about your poor listening skills, Ted.
Ted Mosby: What?
Marshall Eriksen: It's out of control. See?
Marshall Eriksen: Whats that?
Ted Mosby: A 1986 world book encyclopædia. Just the one I grew up with.
Marshall Eriksen: An encyclopædia?
Ted Mosby: [laughing] Oh! You think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. I'ts a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopædia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune ash...
[shelf breaks and falls]
Marshall Eriksen: You know, you're gonna have to pædia for that.
Robin Scherbatsky: Dear Ted: It's "encyclopedia", not "encyclopaedia". You always pronounce things in the most pretentious way possible, and it makes you sound douchy, and not "douchay".
Barney Stinson: The point is, marriage is stupid. Every year there are a million hot, new 22-year olds going into bars, and call me glass-half-full, but I think they're getting dumber.
Amber: [to Barney in his old man makeup] You're cute. How old are you?
Barney Stinson: Eighty-three. How old are you?
Barney Stinson: Oh!
[Gets up to leave]
Robin Scherbatsky: [in a thick Canadian accent] Stanley Cup. Game 6, eh? The Rangers are about to be sorry they ever played shinny with the Canucks.
Marshall: Hey, hey Robin.
Robin Scherbatsky: Yeah?
Marshall: I'll give you 20 bucks if you can shoot it through this front door.
Robin Scherbatsky: [laughs] You're nuttier than a Tim Horton's maple log. Timmy Ho!
[shoots a hockey puck]
Lily: [catches the puck] That's it Robin, give me the stick.
Robin Scherbatsky: I'll give you summer teeth. Some are here, some are there.
Lily: Oh Robin, give me the stick.
Robin Scherbatsky: Take off,
Robin Scherbatsky: hoser.
Lily: That's it!
Barney: Hey, hey!
Marshall: Get her, get her!
Robin Scherbatsky: You wanna scrap, I'll scrap!
Ted: Guys, come on!
Marshall: For America!
Ted: All right, all right, break it up!
Robin Scherbatsky: Bring it on, bring it on!
Barney: Ted, no! You never break up a girl fight! Never!
[punches a hole in the wall and grunts]
Barney: [Enters the room] what the...?
Robin Scherbatsky: Barney, this is an intervention
Barney: What was that?
Marshall: Enough with the old man bit!
Barney: What about the old sand pit?
Lily: Let it go!
Barney: Let it snow? Oh boy, I love that old diddy.
Ted: I'm getting my flail.
Barney: You're setting sail?
[At Stuart's alcoholism intervention, Barney brings a bottle of liquor]
Barney Stinson: Happy birthday, Stewie! Time to let the big, green monster out of its cage.
Barney Stinson: Come on, dude. People don't want to see Bruce Banner, they want to see the Hulk. Hulk! Hulk! Hulk!...
[Robin whispers into Barney's ear]
Barney Stinson: What? That's what I get for skimming the e-vite.