Ted was on the verge of scoring his first big client and went to a meeting dressed like a cowboy, saying he was born to design a restaurant in the shape of a cowboy hat. Robin told him to go for a walk and get a bagel. He went to see what the universe had waiting for him. He grabbed a yellow umbrella an headed out the door.
He first turned right out his door, but then went left. Then he stopped at a news stand and veered off his path for a moment to give a homeless man a dollar. As Old Ted talked about how the universe had a plan that was always in motion, it started raining and Ted pulled out the umbrella.
Old Ted said the parts of the universe were constantly moving, "making sure you're exactly where you're supposed to be, exactly when you're supposed to be there. The right place at the right time." A woman tapped on his shoulder and Ted looked at her.
Old Ted said it was a miracle that he ended up on that street corner and explained what led him to that street corner. He flashed back a few days to a moment when Robin threw up on camera on her morning news show. She said she was pregnant (actress Cobie Smulders really is, by the way), but said she was joking. It was food poisoning. She didn't want to tell Ted where she got food poisoning because it was a place he loved.
Barney came in to the apartment telling Ted to go on YouTube and search "Robin Scherbatsky vomit," but stopped when he saw Robin was already home.
Later, Robin finally told Ted she got food poisoning from Schlagel's Bagels. That was why he turned left instead of right when he walked out to get a bagel.
Now, why did Ted stop at the news stand? Flash back to a couple days earlier, when Barney showed him a photo of Petra Petrova, "Bro's Life" magazine's girl of the year (for May). Barney had a date with her. He said Petra would be his 200th. "As in, 'Sex with,'" Barney explained.
Barney's quest was based on a kid in middle school named Matthew Panning, who claimed he'd had sex with 100 girls. Barney said one day he'll have hooked up with 200.
Ted said 200 is too many. Barney said that was impossible. Marshall agreed it wasn't too many, but said Barney was disgusting, but it wasn't too many. Marshall made charts that showed that out of the roughly 16,640 girls Barney has hit on in his 16-year sexual activity career. "That is a success rate of a little over 1 percent. That's a batting average of .012 -- eight times worse than one-handed pitcher, that's right, pitcher, Jim Abbott."
Robin examined the list and noticed Barney counted the same girl twice. He decided he needed to have sex with someone before going out with the Czech supermodel, so as not to squander her on No. 199.
Barney came back to the bar an hour later, putting some ice on his region. He went to the gym and hooked up with Pauline, a girl who was not exactly his type but was really into him and worked out at his gym. We never saw Pauline's face, but she bench pressed a heck of a lot and she pulled Barney down toward her when it was go time.
"Every inch of her tasted like roast beef and Creatine," Barney said.
He still had 30 minutes before he was to meet Petra, but Robin broke some bad news. He counted the one girl twice, but he used the number 138 twice. That meant Pauline was actually No. 200. Barney whimpered and said that Pauline actually had posed for a magazine, but it wasn't "Bro's Life," it was "Muscle Sexxy."
Ted explained that he stopped at the news stand to see the picture of Barney's 200th. It wasn't pretty, but we didn't see it.
Old Ted explained to his kids that if he hadn't stopped, he would've walked by the news stand and gotten to that corner a minute earlier, they might never have been born.
He finally explained why he stopped to give a dollar to the homeless man. It went back to Marshall's job at Goliath National Bank, where he discovered that the graphics department could create all the charts he ever wanted. Marshall made so many charts the group had to have an intervention and threw away all of his charts.
When Marshall called Ted in a panic from work, saying he needed his charts of he'd be fired, Ted went into the garbage looking for them. That's where he found Milt, the homeless man, selling Marshall's charts. Milt wanted $1 million for them, but Ted promised to give him one dollar per day for 1 million days. Milt took the deal and Ted took the charts.
"So, if I hadn't bought those charts for Marshall, I wouldn't have had to cut down 77th to give Milt his dollar," Ted said. "So there you have it, kids. There's a lot of little reasons why the big things in our lives happen.
"If I had known then where all the little things were leading me, and how grateful I would've been to them for getting me there, I probably would've done something like this," Old Ted said, showing a montage of Young Ted going to each person involved and giving them a hug, from Milt to the news stand guy to Pauline, and more.
"Because somehow, I ended up in the right place at the right time, and as a result, my life would never be the same."
The woman tapped his shoulder, and Ted turned to see it was Stella.
Finally, at the bar the next day, Barney confronted Matthew Panning, the stud of Port Richmond Middle School. Barney showed Matthew the list of his 200 women. Matthew said it was way too many and asked Barney if he'd had counseling for sex addiction. Matthew admitted he lied about having had sex with 100 girls.
"I didn't have a pet Ewok, either," Matthew said before leaving.
Barney ripped up the list and said, "OK, 200. Now what?"
He looked up toward the bar and saw Robin.