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"How I Met Your Mother" The Fight (TV Episode 2008) Poster

(TV Series)

(2008)

Quotes

Lily Aldrin: Okay, okay, stop fighting!

Kindergartener: Why?

Lily Aldrin: Because it's stupid and juvenile.

Kid: We're six. We are stupid and juvenile.

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Ted Mosby: I think we should go someplace else. In this bar I will always be known as the guy who was left at the altar. It sucks.

Barney Stinson: Good Times.

Ted Mosby: Uh-oh, we lost Barney.

Robin Scherbatsky: What'ya mean?

Lily Aldrin: There's a woman over there in a tight red sweater, and he's not listening to a word we're saying.

Barney Stinson: Gimme a Break!

Ted Mosby: Long ago, he learned that he can fake a conversation by listing black sitcoms from the '70s and '80s. Right, Barney?

Barney Stinson: What's Happenin'?

Lily Aldrin: Hey, Barney. Wanna go with me and do stuff that I don't even let Marshall do to me?

Barney Stinson: Diff'rent Strokes!

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Barney Stinson: There are only three things I would fight: the stubborn clasp of a bra, a paternity suit - nine for ten

[kisses fist, aims it high]

Barney Stinson: ... and the urge to vomit whenever I see someone wear brown shoes with a black suit.

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Narrator: Kids, I would like to tell you a moral about how fighting is bad and that you should never do it, but that would be pointless, so I will leave you with this: Don't ever get in a fight with Uncle Marshall. That guy is freakin' crazy.

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Marshall Eriksen: There is no reason to fight, unless it's with lightsabers, and that's about three or four years away.

Robin Scherbatsky: That's impossible.

Marshall Eriksen: I've been reading all the forums, it's happening. Five years from now, I'm slicing the Thanksgiving turkey with Old Green.

[Makes lightsaber sounds]

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Barney Stinson: Take a good look at this face, because next time you see it, it will be disfigured in the hottest way possible. Because I'm a man, and that's what I do. I get down and dirty.

[takes off coat]

Barney Stinson: Could you please hang this for me?

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Robin Scherbatsky: There are plenty of legitimate reasons to get in a fight. It might not be pretty, but in certain situations you gotta do what you gotta do.

Ted Mosby: Right, I forgot, she thinks fighting is sexy.

Robin Scherbatsky: No, I do not... a lot! Look, I come from a culture of hockey players. If a guy can throw down it's somewhat, way hot. And scars? Hello! If a guy's got a scar, he's got a Robin, and if he's missing teeth, I'm missing my pants!

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Marshall Eriksen: You know what, Doug, I will gladly pay. And you know why? Cause that's what grown-ups do! They pay for their drinks and they don't get into fights. You know what I was doing while you guys were out there being immature? I tell you what I was doing...

Barney Stinson: -your nails?

Marshall Eriksen: Hahaha, no. I was doing...

Ted Mosby: -a relationship-quiz in this month's Cosmo?

Marshall Eriksen: NO, I was doing...

Barney Stinson: Your best not to cry when Big came back for Carrie at the end of the Sex and the City movie?

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Ted Mosby: I can't go to prison! Although I could get a lot of reading done, finally write some short stories, work out all the time... Seriously, if I don't come out of there totally ripped...

Barney Stinson: Ted, we can't go to prison! People get shivved in the joint! Plus the meals are really starchy.

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Marshall Eriksen: Ted couldn't fight. Look at him. He wouldn't last five minutes in a fight.

Ted Mosby: Well, maybe more than five...

Marshall Eriksen: He's got the muscle definition of linguini.

Ted Mosby: Well, maybe linguini with meatballs. Check this out.

[Poses]

Marshall Eriksen: Ted, don't.

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Narrator: So there it is, the only time I was ever in a fight. What did I learn? For one thing, when you punch someone in the face, it hurts. A lot. But what hurts even more is this.

[Doug punches Ted]

Narrator: The next thing I knew, I was waking up.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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