Ramona Nowitzki: You're not going to Halo night.
Sheldon Cooper: Yes, I am. It's Wednesday. Wednesday's Halo night.
Ramona Nowitzki: Didn't a great man once say science demands nothing less than the fervent and unconditional dedication of our entire lives?
Sheldon Cooper: He did.
Ramona Nowitzki: And who was that great man?
Sheldon Cooper: Me. Sorry, Leonard.
Leonard Hofstadter: Seriously? You're not coming?
Sheldon Cooper: You heard her. How can I argue with me?
Penny: You probably don't want to go in there.
Leonard Hofstadter: Why? What are they doing?
Penny: You know, the only way I could explain it would be in a therapist's office with dolls.
Leslie Winkle: So, Sheldon, I see you're organizing your papers for the Smithsonian Museum of Dumb-Assery.
Ramona Nowitzki: There won't be any room until they get rid of the permanent Leslie Winkle exhibit.
Sheldon: Oh, good one.
Leslie Winkle: I see you got a grad student to fight your battles for you. I'll let you keep your lunch money today.
Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon lives in fear of the three tine fork.
Sheldon Cooper: Three tines is not a fork. Three tines is a trident. Forks are for eating, tridents are for ruling the seven seas.
[Sheldon has just accepted a graduate student's request for dinner in his place]
Sheldon Cooper: What a nice girl.
Howard Wolowitz: Sheldon, do you have any idea what just happened?
Sheldon Cooper: Yes, apparently I'm getting a free dinner.
Penny: I know this is none of my business, but I just... I have to ask - what's Sheldon's deal?
Leonard Hofstadter: What do you mean, "deal"?
Penny: You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls...? Guys...? Sock puppets...?
Leonard Hofstadter: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.
Penny: Come on, everybody has a deal.
Howard Wolowitz: Not Sheldon. Over the years, we've formulated many theories about how he might reproduce. I'm an advocate of mitosis.
Penny: I'm sorry?
Howard Wolowitz: I believe one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons.
Leonard Hofstadter: On the other hand, I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species. Someday he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moth wings and an exoskeleton.
Penny: Okay, well, thanks for the nightmares.
Leonard Hofstadter: [addressing a class of graduate students] So, if any of you are considering in going into experimental physics, my door is always open. Once again, I'm sorry that the demonstration didn't quite work out. But, now we know what happens when you accidentally spill Peach Snapple into a helium-neon laser. The short answer is... don't. And now, to tell you about the theoretical physics department is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Leonard Hofstadter: Dr. Cooper...
Sheldon Cooper: [In closet] Forget it.
Leonard Hofstadter: Excuse me.
[opening door to closet]
Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, we both agreed to do this.
Sheldon Cooper: It's a waste of time. I might as well explain the laws of thermodynamics to a bunch of labradoodles.
Leonard Hofstadter: If you don't do this, I won't take you to the comic book store.
Sheldon Cooper: [Coming out] Hello. Nice work with the laser, by the way.
Sheldon Cooper: [addressing a class of graduate students] I weep for the future of science. Now if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of Batman is out.
[Penny walks in on Sheldon having his nails done by Ramona]
Ramona Nowitzki: Dr. Cooper is working.
Sheldon Cooper: Yes, I'm close to a breakthrough. Oh, tickles!
Sheldon Cooper: How can I ever repay you?
Ramona Nowitzki: Would you consider naming it the Cooper-Nowitzki theorem?
Sheldon Cooper: Who's Nowitzki?
Ramona Nowitzki: I'm Nowitzki.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh. You want me to share credit?
Ramona Nowitzki: Uh-huh.
Sheldon Cooper: GET OUT!
Rajesh Koothrappali: Isn't there a rule against dating grad students?
Leonard Hofstadter: No, you can talk to them, you can ask them out.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Damn, there's always a catch.
Rajesh Koothrappali: I love this time of the year. The leaves are turning... there's a bracing chill in the air...
Howard Wolowitz: Plus, there's a whole new crop of female grad students about to put on just enough winter weight to make them needy and vulnerable.
Ramona Nowitzki: Oh, sorry I'm late. I just got so caught up reading the draft of your latest paper.
Sheldon Cooper: Did you enjoy the humorous footnote where I illustrate mirror-symmetry by likening it to the Flash playing tennis with himself?
Ramona Nowitzki: Oh, funny. But the idea that you might be able to incorporate gravity, I have to tell you, I found it physically exhilarating.
Sheldon Cooper: My hypotheses tend to have that effect.
Sheldon Cooper: [to female grad student] Amazing! An intelligent labradoodle.
Howard Wolowitz: [to same grad student] Woof.
Ramona Nowitzki: I know what's going on here.
Penny: Really? Well, then will you explain it to me?
Ramona Nowitzki: You're in love with Dr. Cooper.
Penny: Uh, yeah, no, that's not it.
Ramona Nowitzki: Don't try to deny it. He's a remarkable man, but you have to let him go!
Penny: Oh, gee, okay.
Ramona Nowitzki: I know it's hard, but he's a gift to the whole world and we can't be selfish!
Penny: Yeah, he's a gift, alright.
Ramona Nowitzki: [smiles and offers pinky swear to Penny] Sisters?
Penny: Sure, sisters.
[accepts pinky swear and Ramona exits into Sheldon's apartment]
Penny: Holy crap on a cracker!