[Kripke challenges the guys to a robot duel]
Leonard Hofstadter: Barry, we can't fight you tomorrow. Our engineer is incapacitated.
Barry Kripke: What's wrong with him?
Rajesh Koothrappali: He's depressed because he's pathetic and creepy, and can't get girls.
Barry Kripke: We're ALL pathetic and cweepy, and can't get girws. That's why we fight wobots.
[the guys are about to test their robot on a toaster oven]
Sheldon Cooper: This is an auspicious moment. Like Robert Oppenheimer or Neil Armstrong, we need the appropriate words to mark this historic scientific event.
Rajesh Koothrappali: How about "Die, toaster, die!"?
Leonard Hofstadter: That'll do it.
Howard Wolowitz: Once again, Penny and I have begun our little tango. The carnal repartee, the erotic to and fro. But as delicious as the appetizer might be, at some point we have to succumb and eat the entree while it's still...
Howard Wolowitz: ... hot.
Leonard Hofstadter: I'm begging you, stop.
Penny: Normally, I can just ignore you. I get it. You're a little peculiar, like Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, Penny, but in this room, you are the one who is peculiar.
Penny: You may be right. But back to you. I know you think you're just some kind of smooth-talking ladies man, but the truth is you're just pathetic and creepy.
Howard Wolowitz: So, what are you saying?
Penny: I am saying that it is not a compliment to call me doable. It is not sexy to stare at my ass and say "Ooh, that must be jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that." And we are not dancing a tango, we are not to-ing and fro-ing, othing's going to happen between us! Ever!
Howard Wolowitz: Wait a minute. We're not flirting, you're serious.
Penny: Flirting? You think I'm flirting with you? No woman is ever going to flirt with you! You're just going to grow old and die alone!
Sheldon Cooper: Your robot is inferior, and it will be defeated by ours, because ours exceeds yours in both design and execution. Also, I'm given to understand that your mother is overweight.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Oh, snap.
Sheldon Cooper: Now of course, if that is a result of a glandular condition and not sloth and gluttony I withdraw that comment.
Leonard Hofstadter: Don't take this as a criticism, but you do kind of have that overexposed-to-gamma-rays thing going on?
Penny: What does that mean?
Leonard Hofstadter: You know, like most of the time you're the easygoing Bruce Banner, but then when you get angry, you kind of turn into like, you know... Grrr!
Penny: I turn into a bear?
Leonard Hofstadter: Seriously? Gamma rays? Bruce Banner? You didnt get The Incredible Hulk from that?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Should I ask Leonard to bring over your homework?
Howard Wolowitz: I don't have homework. I'm a grown man with a masters degree in engineering!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Excuse me, Mr. Fancypants. Want me to get you a Popsicle?
Howard Wolowitz: Cherry, please!
Mrs. Wolowitz: I ate the cherry! All that's left is green!
Howard Wolowitz: You make me want to kill myself?
Sheldon Cooper: We don't need Wolowitz. Engineering is merely the slow, younger brother of physics. Watch and learn.
Sheldon Cooper: Do either of you know how to open a tool box?
Howard Wolowitz: All right, that's the last servo. Behold, the Mobile Omnidirectional Neutralization and Termination Eradicator, or
Howard Wolowitz: Featuring one articulated razor-sharp killing saw, one polycarbonate grinding and flipping wheel, steel armor-plate exo-skeleton top and bottom, and enough horsepower to drive a hundred-and-ten pounds of mechanized death from zero to holy crap in four-point-eight seconds.
Sheldon Cooper: So, what do you think, Howard? I-it's not that bad, right?
Howard Wolowitz: Ah, nah, a little electrical tape, some solder... Are you insane! I've seen space probes that crashed into the desert that were in better shape than this.
Sheldon Cooper: You're right. Monte's gone. We'll bury him in the morning. A-a simple ceremony, I'll speak. Leonard, you'll play your cello.
Penny: Sheldon, honey, aren't you getting a little carried away? I mean, it's just a toy robot.
Sheldon Cooper: Just a toy robot...
[he runs to his room]
Leonard Hofstadter: Penny.
Penny: I know; I got it.
[she goes to Sheldon's room]
Penny: Sheldon! I'm sorry!
Howard Wolowitz: Well,
[pointing to his bandaged nose]
Howard Wolowitz: don't get the wrong idea. The way I see it I'm halfway to pity sex.
Sheldon Cooper: Is it wrong to say I love our killer robot?
Rajesh Koothrappali: As with my father, I both love and fear it.