[to an unruly stadium crowd]
Caligula: If you only had one neck, I'd hack it through.
Caligula: Do you think I'm mad?
Caligula: Yes, sometimes I think that I'm going mad. Do you - be honest with me - has that thought ever crossed your mind?
Claudius: Never. Never. The idea is preposterous. You set the standard of sanity for the whole world.
Cassius Chaerea: If you're no longer his friend, what can you be but his enemy?
Marcus: Go your own way, Cassius.
Cassius Chaerea: If we all go our own way, we shall all end by going the same way.
Marcus: To tell the truth, lord, nature calls. It must have been something I ate last night.
Caligula: Don't look at me. If I decide to doctor your food, you won't have to wait until morning to find out.
[Claudius receives a letter with a small box]
Claudius: It's from Herod.
Calpurnia: What does he say?
Claudius: Oh, it's written from J-Jerusalem.
Calpurnia: Read it to me; his letters are so amusing.
Claudius: [reading] "My dear old friend, what is all this I hear about your living in three rooms in the p-poor quarter of town? Is it serious?"
Claudius: "Why did you not write to me? Is it that absurd p-pride of yours? Well, I shall attend to that shortly. Meanwhile, knowing how loath you are to accept m-money, and being the only practical friend you ever had, I enclose a little p-present for you. Please make proper use of it. Herod."
Calpurnia: What is it? It seems very small.
Claudius: Hnh, I don't know.
[Claudius opens the box. It is a set of four dice]
Calpurnia: Well, I don't think that's very generous.
[Claudius shakes the dice and rolls them - twenty-four, all sixes]
Calpurnia: Venus! Oh, Claudius, I think your luck is changing.
[Claudius rolls them again - all sixes again]
Calpurnia: I'm sure it's an omen.
[a third time - all sixes yet again]
Calpurnia: Those dice are crooked. You can't possibly use them.
[Claudius rolls them a fourth time. They both break up laughing]
Claudius: Ah, dear Herod. How I miss him.
[just before killing Caligula]
Cassius Chaerea: The watchword, butcher, is liberty.
Caesonia: Claudius, we must help him, the emperor.
Claudius: He's your husband, you help him.
Caesonia: Claudius, he's sick. He needs good people around him.
Claudius: He's killed them all.
The Praetorian Guard: [carrying Claudius on their shoulders] Long live the Emperor! Long live the Emperor! Long live the Emperor! Long live the Emperor!