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"I, Claudius" Hail Who? (TV Episode 1976) Poster

(TV Mini-Series)

(1976)

Quotes

[to an unruly stadium crowd]

Caligula: If you only had one neck, I'd hack it through.

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Caligula: Do you think I'm mad?

Claudius: Mad?

Caligula: Yes, sometimes I think that I'm going mad. Do you - be honest with me - has that thought ever crossed your mind?

Claudius: Never. Never. The idea is preposterous. You set the standard of sanity for the whole world.

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Cassius Chaerea: If you're no longer his friend, what can you be but his enemy?

Marcus: Go your own way, Cassius.

Cassius Chaerea: If we all go our own way, we shall all end by going the same way.

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Gaius Sabinus: Will you strike the first blow?

Cassius Chaerea: Jove himself couldn't stop me.

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Marcus: To tell the truth, lord, nature calls. It must have been something I ate last night.

Caligula: Don't look at me. If I decide to doctor your food, you won't have to wait until morning to find out.

[laughs uproariously]

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[first lines]

[Claudius receives a letter with a small box]

Claudius: It's from Herod.

Calpurnia: What does he say?

Claudius: Oh, it's written from J-Jerusalem.

Calpurnia: Read it to me; his letters are so amusing.

Claudius: [reading] "My dear old friend, what is all this I hear about your living in three rooms in the p-poor quarter of town? Is it serious?"

[Calpurnia laughs]

Claudius: "Why did you not write to me? Is it that absurd p-pride of yours? Well, I shall attend to that shortly. Meanwhile, knowing how loath you are to accept m-money, and being the only practical friend you ever had, I enclose a little p-present for you. Please make proper use of it. Herod."

Calpurnia: What is it? It seems very small.

Claudius: Hnh, I don't know.

[Claudius opens the box. It is a set of four dice]

Calpurnia: Well, I don't think that's very generous.

[Claudius shakes the dice and rolls them - twenty-four, all sixes]

Calpurnia: Venus! Oh, Claudius, I think your luck is changing.

[Claudius rolls them again - all sixes again]

Calpurnia: I'm sure it's an omen.

[a third time - all sixes yet again]

Calpurnia: Those dice are crooked. You can't possibly use them.

[Claudius rolls them a fourth time. They both break up laughing]

Claudius: Ah, dear Herod. How I miss him.

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[just before killing Caligula]

Cassius Chaerea: The watchword, butcher, is liberty.

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[regarding Caligula]

Caesonia: Claudius, we must help him, the emperor.

Claudius: He's your husband, you help him.

Caesonia: Claudius, he's sick. He needs good people around him.

Claudius: He's killed them all.

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[last lines]

The Praetorian Guard: [carrying Claudius on their shoulders] Long live the Emperor! Long live the Emperor! Long live the Emperor! Long live the Emperor!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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