- Jack Harris: [Narrating] If I've learned one thing, it's that business is a lot like sex. Getting in is easy, pulling out is hard.
- Audrey Dawns: All the horny, frustrated guys that have to jerk off because their wives or girlfriends don't treat 'em right, so I become their little fantasy girl for just a few dollars a pop and make 'em forget for a fleeting fucking instant that their wives can't stand the fucking sight of them!
- Jack Harris: [Narrating] Within a day, Buck and Wayne were convinced they were George Lucas and Steven Spielberg.
- Jack Harris: [Trailer Narration] I was one of those guys living in a Norman Rockwell painting. Beautiful wife, beautiful kids... we were happy.
- Buck Dolby: [the first buzzer goes off, signalling a purchase] Did I jut here right...?
- Wayne Beering: Yeah, we just made $9.99
- Buck Dolby: At 4:15 in the morning? The guy's gotta be a pervert just like you.
- Jack Harris: Hey do we wanna get the money or do we wanna break this guy's legs? I say we get the money, you know?
- Wayne Beering: We take some pictures from some magazines, we scan them, we upload them onto the Internet, and we make some money.
- Audrey Dawns: I think there's just too much emphasis on guilt. All this guilt, guilt, guilt. Guilt for what? I'll bet if you ask any old timer in one of those old folks homes, they'd tell you they regret the stuff they didn't do. Not the stuff that they did do.
- Wayne Beering: You know there's nothing to jack off to on the internet?
- Buck Dolby: Watch a video, you degenerate!
- Buck Dolby: How much are we up to?
- Wayne Beering: We just passed the $2000 mark half an hour ago.
- Buck Dolby: That's fucking amazing!
- Curt Allmans: Do you know anything about terrorism, Audrey?
- Audrey Dawns: What kind of terrorism are you referring to? Do you mean like, uh, national, international, eco, bio, or your everyday suicide bomber?
- Jack Harris: She was right, I wasn't there anymore. I'd become addicted to a lifestyle of money, sex, and power that was lightyears away from family... or anything I'd ever experienced. You see the biggest problem with my addiction, was that like all addictions, it sneaks up on you slowly; you give into it incrementally... in an almost imperceptible way. The other thing about it was that it wasn't the kind of addiction that you would wake up with a hangover. It wasn't the kind of thing that would rob you of your wealth. It didn't rob you of your health. The more I indulged, the richer it would make me. I've got to tell you, that's impossible to give up.
- [first lines]
- Jack Harris: [narrating] I had several million dollars in a duffle bag and had to go and see a bunch of low-life Russian mobsters who would most likely cut my throat, take the money, and kill an innocent kid just for sport. It doesn't get any worse than this. But I had no one to blame but myself. I'm the one who put myself and my family in this situation.
- Jack Harris: See, life's all about choices, choices we keep telling ourselves are for the greater good. But somewhere deep inside, we know they'll lead to a place like this.
- Jack Harris: And it wasn't greed or ego that got me here. I'm here because of what I had a hand in creating. It wasn't something that would change the world for the better, it wasn't something that would put me in the history books, make me a household name or get me a statue in a park. But I did have a hand in creating the greatest invention of our time. I inadvertently changed the world as we know it. My name is Jack Harris and I figured out a better way for guys to jerk off.