Michael Scott: [on phone] Michael Scott calling for David. Well, just tell him to call me ASAP as possible.
Dwight Schrute: Oh! Here's one. A string quartet playing classical music.
Michael Scott: You know, that's good, but that's not classy. I need something classy, like the opening of a car dealership.
Jim Halpert: That's it. Or Mr. Peanut.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Dwight Schrute: Mr. Peanut is not classy.
Michael Scott: He is.
Dwight Schrute: He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle and a top hat.
Michael Scott: That's what makes him classy.
Michael Scott: All right, let me introduce you to some of the troops. Accounting, front and center. Come on up here. I'd like you to meet somebody. This is the accounting department.
Charles Miner: Hey. I come from accounting, too.
Michael Scott: Nerd alert! This is Oscar Martinez. He is Latino, and he just got out of a long-term relationship with a man, Gil, who broke his heart, but he didn't bring any of that into work, it did not affect his job performance whatsoever, and I'm very proud of him for that.
Charles Miner: [shaking hands with Oscar] Hey, Oscar, it's good to meet you. Good.
Michael Scott: This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. The one over there, in the orange.
[pointing to Andy]
Andy Bernard: Heyo!
Michael Scott: [looking around] Heyo. Where's the other...
Charles Miner: You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history.
Michael Scott: Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin, and he has no sexual history.
Michael Scott: I just got off the horn with David Wallace, and he said that you and I should try to get to know each other better, and I agree. So, what I would like you to do is tell me something that you've never told anybody before.
Michael Scott: Surprise!
[unveiling a table full of bagels]
Michael Scott: As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's for Charles.
Charles Miner: Thank you.
Michael Scott: Took me all night.
Pam Beesly: This is what you did last night?
Michael Scott: [on telephone] David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed.
David Wallace: What gave you that idea?
Michael Scott: [pausing] It was my understand.
David Wallace: I see.
Michael Scott: Listen, why don't we just leave the position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability.
Pam Beesly: I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the "Ace Ventura" talking-butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.
Jim Halpert: Okay, let's just try this one on for size, and I apologize, 'cause it's right off the top of my head. An ice sculpture of you completely surrounded by a variety of chocolate-covered fruits.
Michael Scott: Strawberries?
Jim Halpert: That's inspired.
Dwight Schrute: I said that!
[Dwight storms out]
Pam Beesly: Not classy.
Michael Scott: Not classy at all.
Jim Halpert: Déclassé.
Michael Scott: French! Classy.