"30 Rock" - "The One With the Cast of Night Court"-
Kenneth stops Liz and says she probably doesn't recognize him in his new page uniform. He hates the new uniforms and wants Liz to change them.
She then runs into Jenna and tells her she just got a call from security. Jenna nervously says "why would I steal a file from personnel?" Liz says Claire is in the lobby. She's a fun "Friend" from Chicago that used to throw roof parties and do karaoke in Boys Town and all night scavenger hunts. They agree she's exhausting and hope she doesn't ask them to go out. At the elevator they meet Jack and explain they are waiting for their friend Claire "who's like a human Macarena- something everyone did at parties in 1996." Jack says "me-ow." Liz agrees that was harsh. And Jack corrects her, pointing out Mee Ow, the owner of the largest alternative energy corporation in Asia. As part of GE's green initiative they're doing a reality show about her quest to find a boyfriend.
Claire arrives with a scream. She's Jennifer Aniston. She's designing hats now. They introduce her to Jack and she asks what they're doing tonight. She tells them about a storage unit party that starts at midnight on the Lower East Side sponsored by a vodka company where the only rule is they all have to deejay. They jump up and down and scream. Kenneth, temporarily caught up in their moment, jumps up and down as well.
Kenneth is folding and saluting his old uniform jacket. Tracy wonders what's wrong. Kenneth explains and Tracy wonders if nothing is sacred anymore, it just makes him want to pee on someone. He says he hates to see Kenneth like this, it's like an owl without a graduation cap. He wonders what he can buy him. Kenneth says the things he wants don't have a price tag: a sunset, a child's smile, a satisfying finale to "Night Court." "Court at night?" asks Tracy. "I'm already laughing, tell me more." Kenneth explains the show was supposed to end with a wedding between Harry and Christine but the show didn't get a tenth season . Tracy is sad Kenneth never got closure with his beloved characters.
Liz asks Jack if he saw the shout out in Variety? They called "TGS" a comedy! Jack ran into Claire on the elevator and is smitten. Liz says she's nuts with guys, certifiable. She tells him not to sleep with her. He wishes she'd told him that an hour ago, as Claire emerges straightening her clothes. She wonders if she and Liz are still on tonight. Liz says she can't, she volunteers for a thing with kids and old people. Claire says to bring them and leaves.
Liz turns to Jack and asks how he could sleep with someone he just met in an elevator. Jack says it's objectively awesome. Liz says the problem is that sex isn't something Claire does after the 12th date, she uses it to suck men in and bleed them dry. Back in Chicago she saw Claire take powerful men down: Scottie Pippen, the drummer for the Bodeans, someone else's boyfriend who ran a small but prestigious clowning academy. Jack surmises that Claire was the pretty girl who stole boyfriends. Liz says she's just crazy, grab a cop's gun crazy. He says having known Claire for a very enjoyable 20 minutes and Liz for what feels like infinity he's going to go with Claire.
Tracy is leading a blindfolded Kenneth onto the set. (He says the last time he was blindfolded was when he had to play piano at that weird masquerade party. Is this an "Eyes Wide Shut" shout out?) Tracy whisks off the blindfold to reveal Markie Post, Harry Anderson, and Charlie Robinson, i.e. Christine, Harry, and Mac from "Night Court." The trio thought they were coming to meet a sick child. Markie offers him a matchbox car. Kenneth is overcome with excitement "some of the cast of Night Court!"
At a fundraiser for Mee Ow's fundraising foundation Jack makes a toast hoping that it's as successful as her cocktail party last week for her rehab center. Suddenly Claire is on the mic with the string quartet stripping off her trench coat and hat- looking smoking in a form-fitting dress- claiming that it's Jack's birthday. She then sings Happy Birthday to him Marilyn style. Jack freaks, she thinks it's hilarious and introduces herself to Mee Ow as Jack's life coach Esmerelda Fitzmonster. He pulls her aside saying she has to leave, to which she loudly replies "if I kill myself it is all your fault!" He tries to laugh it off and cues the band.
Liz is in her office at night as Jack enters in his tux saying Liz was right about Claire. Liz wonders if she did "sexy birthday" or "mannequin come to life." He says he needs her help since when they were having sex in the meat locker Claire said she loved him. She wonders why men just can't say no. He says emotionally unstable women are fantastic in the sack. He wonders how the others got out of it. Liz says one guy died and Scottie Pippen got traded to Houston. Jack says Houston is too humid and wants to know more about this "died thing." Liz sighs and wonders where she is. "Chained to the radiator in her hotel room." It was her idea says Jack. Liz says she will distract Claire by going clubbing with her and tells Jack "go home junkie."
On a recreation of the "Night Court" set, Kenneth has written a reunion scene for the actors to play, thereby giving America what it wants "a reunion of friends...from Night Court." It includes the wedding of Harry and Christine. Markie, in a wedding dress, says how special it is to be here with her old cast mates and just wishes John Larroquette could've been there. Harry says he wanted to but had a scheduling issue. She looks at him quizzically and says "you and John still talk?" Harry says they do stay in touch. She wonders if he mentions her. Harry says she always come up. She says of course she does in their "boys club." She claims they always thought they were better than her because they were nominated for Emmys. She gets mad and says she would've been nominated too but she was just too hot to be taken seriously and whips off her veil and starts to stalk away. "That wouldn't be a problem now would it?" Harry yells after her, tossing the script and walking off himself. Charlie walks out and says "uh-huh, court is adjourned." Tracy and Kenneth agree that this is awful, worse than the actual finale of Night Court. Tracy wishes it was an episode of Night Court because then there would be a big joke right now. They stand waiting for a joke.
We cut to the writer's room where Claire is adjusting a hat on Frank's head and flirting with him. She says he looks good in everything. He says he wants to buy some of her hats. Liz comes in and asks what they're doing tonight. Claire says she has plans. With Jack, pshaws Liz. She says if Claire goes out with her they'll meet an even better guy, like the smoking specimen she met the previous week at that hotspot, Chili's. Claire wants details. She claims she went home with a guy and therefore they should go dancing in high heels. Claire agrees.
Cerie comes in and says they should go to this new club Aquarium where all the women are put in a glass cube in the center of the dance floor and all the guys just watch and feed them. Claire loves it.
In Tracy's dressing room Harry is drinking from a champagne bottle. Tracy pleads with him to go on with the show. Harry claims it's all Markie. Tracy explains they have to since Kenneth is hurting from having to wear a coat he doesn't want to wear. Kenneth brings out Markie and Harry asks if she'll do him the honor of becoming his fake wife so they can get their money and get the hell out of there. She says she's been waiting 15 years to hear him say those words.
Outside Aquarium, Liz is waiting for Claire. Liz tells Jenna Claire texted Liz an hour ago and said she was getting on the F train, which Liz realizes is code for going to see Jack. She calls Jack to warn him saying "Jack she's in your house." He says don't be ridiculous and turns around and finds Claire in black lingerie, a maid's apron, and a tiara proffering a tray with white pizza and a pot roast and crying a little. She says he must think she's out of her mind. She then wonders if he does and tosses the tray angrily. And then says "just kiss me, I know your lips will be honest." They make out and Jack says he'll call Liz back as she says "NO!"
On the Night Court set Kenneth is directing the "finale." Jenna walks in angrily saying she can't believe she wasn't invited to the reunion, since she had a three episode arc as public defender Sparky Monroe a "werewolf lawyer." We cut to a scene of Krakowski with hairy ears inserted into an old Night Court. Harry says that was the moment the show jumped the shark and why the show didn't get renewed. Markie complains she'd just bought her second house when that idiot werewolf lawyer came on. Jenna says it paid for her hand reduction surgery. She says to Kenneth she can't believe he's such a big fan and didn't know she played the were-lawyer. He says he knows. Jenna says she can take a hint and walks out saying "you haven't seen the last of Sparky Monroe."
Liz walks into the writer's room and Jack enters wearing one of Claire's ridiculous hats. Jack admits he is like a junkie and Claire is like his medication from all the stress he's under. He's freaking out. Liz says this is what she does and he has to fight the craziness. He says he'll do whatever she says. They walk into Liz's office where Claire has her feet up Liz's desk. She wonders what they're talking about. Liz says Jack has something to say. Jack concurs saying he'd like to suck the ring right off Claire's toe. Claire says she's on to Liz's plan to keep her away from Jack. She said she almost fooled her but then she remembered that Liz doesn't like to have fun. And now Jack is seeing Liz's manipulative, "Single White Female" side. Liz protests. Claire points out that she moved into her building and started to wear chokers just like she did, you dated that clown. Liz points she dated that clown first. Liz says she's just here to support Jack. Claire agrees and says they should just get this three way going. Jack and Liz both flinch at that idea. Claire says okay, she tried to be the adult and if only one of them gets Jack it's going to be her. Liz says Jack needs to break the cycle if he wants out and he can choose Claire or... Jack cuts her off saying he's choosing Claire. Liz says she's done helping him and when he hits rock bottom she won't bail him out.
Jenna complains to Liz that Tracy and Kenneth won't put her in the Night Court finale they're shooting onstage. Liz harrumphs and goes off to check it out. Harry comes over a pitches a new character on "Heroes" whose power is "close-up magic." Liz declines but says she's a big fan. Liz tells Tracy and Kenneth that they're infringing on all sorts of rules and copyrights and to shut it down. Tracy says he wants a different answer and wonders where Jack is. Liz says Jack is dead to them. Kenneth takes to the Night Court stage and monologues about friendship and the show going on. Tracy hugs him and crows "you changed her mind!" Except he didn't. They all hug and Liz bangs the gavel.
Jack and Claire wait in line to get in a club. He seems happy. Claire, however, is no longer interested now that there's no more drama, no more Liz trying to break them up, no more recording their intimate moments and leaving them on Liz's voicemail. Claire freaks out and says she doesn't even know who they are anymore and if they're some old sexless couple who sit at a fish place on a Sunday night at 5 o'clock she'll kill herself. Jack says that's not who they are, that they're exciting and fun. She asks if he really wants to have fun and if he likes it when she's naughty. He says yes and she plops a gun into his hand. Cut to a nearby cop with an empty holster. Claire yells out "guy in the really cool hat has a gun!" The cops tell him to drop it, he does and runs as Claire laughs.
Back on set, Harry and Christine finally marry and as Harry's first official act as a newlywed he declares the new NBC page uniforms illegal. Kenneth squeels and Tracy tells him he told the suits that unless the change they uniforms back he won't play the role of Mac in the upcoming Night Court movie. (Robinson says "what's that now?") Kenneth does a hand pump and a freeze.
Liz bails Jack out and visits Jack in actual night court. He says it's not as funny "there's a lot more sickly homeless people." He apologizes and thanks her and swears he's done with Claire.