Synopsis for
"30 Rock" Larry King (2009)

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Open with Jack making fun of a man and his baby on the street while grabbing a meal at a food cart, carping that the guy "used to be a man." Elisa asks him whether he wants to someday have a family.

Jack enters Liz's office to ask for advice, opening with, "Lemon, you're a woman."

She stammers, "Of course I am! That doctor was a quack. I don't even know why my parents listened to him."

He ignores that revealing comment and tells Liz that Elisa is coming by to discuss their relationship. Jack and Elisa have not had sex -- she's had a very religious upbringing and takes it very seriously -- and she wants a sign of commitment from Jack before she'll take that step. Liz is thrilled she's had sex two more times than Jack in 2009. She throws up her hands for a high-five with a "give it up, what what? Do not leave a brother hanging!" Jack reluctantly slaps her hand.

Doot-doot-doo-doo-doo-doo-whee! The credits roll.

Tracy is going to do the Larry King show and tells Liz he's cursed for 3 hours straight to get it out of his system. Pete and Liz ask him to plug the show once. All he has to say is "TGS, Fridays at 10:30 on NBC."

"You got it. 'NGS,' Fridays at C30 on TB10!"

Good enough.

A cab driver calls Pete on Liz's phone, asking for a woman wearing the shirt of a man. She left it in his cab, which is in Queens taxi dispatch on Long Island, and he asks why Liz has Tracy Jordan's number in her phone. She explains where she works and offers to give him an autographed photo of Tracy, but instead he tells her he wants $100 for the phone, or he'll throw it away.

"Oh yeah. I'll definitely do that," she says. " On opposite day!"

"I am new to this country," the cabbie says. "Is this a real thing?"

Elisa comes into Jack's office talking about her annual trip to Puerto Rico. She says she could consider skipping it if she knew where their relationship was going. Jack tells Elisa he loves her -- "we're Jack and Elisa. Jalisa!" -- and she decides to stay as long as they spend the time together. "Just us," she says. "Jalisa." Jack immediately has Jonathan clear his schedule for the next week which prompts Elisa to say: "I think tonight is going to be a very special night, if you know what I mean."

"I think I do," he says. "Don't forget your skateboard."

While on Larry King the Asian financial markets have opened to a major sell-off. Asked by Larry for his opinion on the impact for Wall Market, Tracy predicts "New York as we know it will no longer exist tomorrow." He goes on to explain that if Wall Street crashes, it'll be the 1970s all over again. "People will get mean. The streets won't be safe -- there'll be graffiti everywhere. And the movies will only cost $3."

King sums it up by saying, "Tracy Jordan, saying three serious things, and then a joke."

While Liz is in the elevator with Jack the cabbie calls Jack's phone. He tells Liz that he found an "adult" picture of her on her phone and if she doesn't give him $2,000 he will email it to every person in her address book.

Liz heads to the writers' room and asks one of the guys to escort her to Queens, but they turn her down. Then Kenneth agrees to accompany Liz to Queens, saying "we pages are accustomed to danger." But he can't leave Manhattan on page business because NBC's insurance doesn't cover it. "I'll have to do this as a friend," he says. She's fine with that. But first he makes her say, out loud, that he is her friend.

When Mumbai's exchange is down in early trading, Tracy tells Larry that everybody should "take a deep breath, calm down and start preparing their bodies for the Thunderdome. That is the new law."

Liz and Kenneth get off the subway in a bad neighborhood. Kenneth is immediately tagged with graffiti and thinks retrieving a phone isn't worth the risk. Liz tells Kenneth the phone contained a recording of her dead Nanna singing a lullaby, and fakes a teary reprise of the song. It's in German, and sounds vaguely familiar...

Jack and Elisa have had sex. Elisa tells him it was amazing, and he admits he watched an American Masters special on Baryshnikov and picked up a few ideas. But then the doorbell rings, and it's two guys from the office in a panic. With the world markets tanking and Don Geiss nowhere to be found everybody at GE is looking to Jack for guidance. Jack begins a speech declaring he is in love and will not leave Elisa.

"I am in love with this magnificent woman, and there's no amount of money this company could lose that would cause me to --" one of the men holds up his Blackberry for Jack to see "--yes, that's the amount. I'll get dressed right now." Elisa looks angry.

On Larry King the Under Secretary of the Treasury begins telling people they should calm down and not pull out their investments. Tracy interrupts the man with "I think people should freak the geek out. Withdraw all your money and hide it." Tracy tells Larry he hides money at home, at church, even at work, so much so that if some of it were missing he probably wouldn't miss it. The show writers are watching this on TV and immediately sprint out of the room.

Several little kids mug Liz and knock her purse off her arm, taking her wallet. Kenneth sees a picture of Liz's grandmother which contradicts her earlier story, and asks Liz to sing the lullaby again. She sings it and Kenneth recognizes the melody: It's "99 Luftballons," "Nena's famous anti-balloon protest song." Liz confesses that the real reason she needs to get the phone is that it has a "booby picture" on it, and she only kept it because for once they were both pointing in the same direction. Kenneth is upset Liz lied to him, something friends don't do to each other. When Liz says they aren't friends Kenneth leaves.

At the office Jonathan is still not able to locate Don Geiss, having tried every place, even his mistress and his manstress. Jonathan tells Jack what Tracy has been saying on Larry King and Jack calls into the show to suggest caution. Tracy tells Larry the caller is an imposter and they hang up on Jack. Elisa shows up and is furious Jack is in the office. She thinks Jack telling her he loved her was a lie and tells him she is going to go to Puerto Rico before she storms out.

Having no luck finding Tracy's money Pete calls in and asks Tracy where he hides his money at work. Thinking he is talking to Peter Frampton, Tracy says the location is the safest place in 30 Rock, "very dry and warm. Its top is hard but its bottom is soft. Although the location changes all the time, the money stays in the same place."

Jonathan brings in a video from Don Geiss. It's a recording taped in 1987 to be played in the event of financial disaster. Geiss says there is only one thing to do: "Go to your loved ones and hold them close. In the end love is all that matters."

Jack quickly leaves the building and spots Elisa still waiting for a ride to the airport. Jack says he doesn't want to be with anyone else and asks her to get married. Elisa says yes but wants a ring "so big that it gives me back problems."

Liz arrives to meet the cabbie but now has no money or bank cards. When the cabbie mentions that all the numbers in her phone are work numbers and that Liz has no friends Kenneth walks in the door. Unfortunately Kenneth has no money so the cabbie tells them he's going to sit and watch TV until they come up with his two grand.

With Liz and Kenneth watching, Pete calls Tracy again and asks for more specifics about the money's location. Tracy repeats his cryptic clues from earlier. This does nothing for Pete but Kenneth immediately realizes Tracy is referring to him. "I'm the safest place in 30 Rock!" He opens his page jacket and finds rows of cash hidden in the lining. Kenneth pays the cabbie for the phone and Liz tells Kenneth he's a great friend.

The following morning we see the American markets have not been affected. Jack shows up at his office and Jonathan gives him a video left by Elisa. On it she tells Jack she thinks a lot of what happened the previous night was the emotion of the situation. Elisa is going to Puerto Rico to give them time to think everything over. Jack looks devastated.

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