Cpl. Josh Ray Person: Yeah, looks like Saddam's big bad Republican Guard hajjis got wind I was coming. As the great warrior-poet Ice Cube once said, 'If the day does not require an AK, it is good.'
Lt. Nathaniel Fick: You want logistics, join the army. Marines make do.
Cpl. Josh Ray Person: Damn sucka! I just got some! Look at me, Brad! I'm a man now, just like you. Except I don't look like a faggot and talk all educated.
Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert: Gentlemen, we just seized an airfield. That was pretty fucking ninja.
Sgt. Larry Shawn 'Pappy' Patrick: Sir, has any thought been given to destroying the weapons and ordnance that are sitting over there?
Lt. Nathaniel Fick: Actually that did come up. But it seems the battalion's supply of C-4 is now unaccounted for. The battalion supply truck that we left last night, it is a smoldering heap of twisted metal and failed hopes in the trustworthiness of Iraqis we are striving so hard to liberate.
Sgt. Steven Lovell: What does that mean, sir?
Lt. Nathaniel Fick: It means we're on one meal a day.
Lance Cpl. Harold James Trombley: Look, I didn't mean to shoot innocent camels, all right? I'm sure I shot people.
Cpl. Josh Ray Person: I mean seriously, homes, why would our Iraqi brethren want 400 pounds of C-4, claymores and crates of M-16s? I mean, it just doesn't make any sense. Oh, wait! You know, they could be using all that C-4 for, like, a giant 4th of July celebration. What do you think, Brad?
Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert: I think it's time for you to shut the fuck up.
Cpl. Gabe Garza: Sergeant, I just lost my helmet.
Sgt. Antonio 'Poke' Espera: What you wanna do, hold a funeral?
Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert: If they'd stick around and manned those we'd have been dead before we've even saw.
Cpl. Josh Ray Person: Dude... lighten up.
Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert: Then again the world wouldn't have to deal with the prospect of you returning to your cretinous, daughter fucking, trailer park, red state shithole, and producing mutant, whiskey tango, scrotum faced, buck toothed, zit exploding progeny.
Lt. Nathaniel Fick: Most people in America right now think of Iraq as a dangerous country. Now, if I were to stand up, I might get killed. But to us, behind this wheel it's pretty safe. So to us, Iraq is a safe country. Right here, I feel pretty safe. Do you feel safe?
Evan 'Scribe' Wright: Pretty safe, I guess.
Lt. Nathaniel Fick: See? It's all relative.
Lt. Nathaniel Fick: Present for you. LSA. Scammed some off the guys in RCT-1.
Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert: Sir, not to get homoerotic about this, but I could kiss you.
Gunnery Sgt. Ray 'Casey Kasem' Griego: Sergeant, yesterday we had a trial by fire. I want you to know, Brad, that I'm here for you and your men. Are there any combat stress reactions anyone needs to talk about? Remember, I'm certified combat stress instructor.
Sgt. Brad 'Iceman' Colbert: No, we're good, Gunny. But we would be a lot better if you were getting us the gun lube and batteries we need. That might do it for my combat stress.