Businesswoman: That's right, old man!
Marvin Boggs: Old man?
Frank Moses: No respect.
Marvin Boggs: Can I kill her now?
Frank Moses: [nods affirmative]
Marvin Boggs: [steps out from behind shipping container and shoots her oncoming bazooka rocket blowing her up]
Marvin Boggs: Old man my ass!
Marvin Boggs: Frank, I never thought I'd say this again. I'm getting the pig!
Frank Moses: [while grappling with Cooper] Kordeski trained you?
William Cooper: Yeah.
Frank Moses: I trained Kordeski.
[dislocates Cooper's shoulder]
Frank Moses: It's not that bad, people get shot all the time.
Sarah Ross: No they don't, they get paper cuts.
Marvin Boggs: I mostly get shot.
Marvin Boggs: [from trailer ] Why are you trying to kill me?
Frank Moses: Look, why would I be trying to kill you?
Marvin Boggs: Because last time we met, I tried to kill you.
Frank Moses: That was a long time ago.
Marvin Boggs: Some people hold on to things like that.
Frank Moses: [Marvin has just shot a bad guy] Feel better?
Marvin Boggs: Yeah. You guys want to get pancakes?
Sarah Ross: [on Marvin] Wow. This guy's insane.
Frank Moses: Well, he thought he was the subject of a secret government mind control project. As it turns out, he really was being given daily doses of LSD for 11 years.
Sarah Ross: Well in that case, he looks great.
Frank Moses: Fantastic.
Sarah Ross: Yeah...
Frank Moses: [Brings out a gas torch] Where'd you get this?
Marvin Boggs: Home Depot.
Frank Moses: How much?
Marvin Boggs: [shrugs] Ten bucks.
Sarah Ross: Get back. Go away. Stay away from me! Is that my bag?
Frank Moses: Yeah.
Sarah Ross: You packed it?
Frank Moses: Yes.
Sarah Ross: D' D' Did you vacuum?
Frank Moses: A little yeah, it was messy.
Victoria: I was in love with an agent once.
Sarah Ross: What happened?
Victoria: Well, I was with MI6, and the relationship wasn't... sanctioned. So when it came to light, my loyalty was questioned, and I was ordered to kill him. It was a test.
Sarah Ross: What did you do?
Victoria: I put three bullets in his chest.
Marvin Boggs: [Frank and Marvin are being chased by the Moldovan Ground Forces. Marvin is in a dress, sitting in a wheelbarrow that is being pushed by Frank] I told you something bad was gonna happen!
Frank Moses: [annoyed] Keep your dress on!
Marvin Boggs: Moldova sucks.
Frank Moses: [to the MGF] Moldova sucks!
Ivan Simanov: [shows Frank the bullet wounds] This was done to me by the love of my life. Now she sits outside my house drinking vodka. When I woke alive, I knew she still loved me. Otherwise it would have been the head. It was big risk for her but one does crazy things for love.
Frank Moses: [to Marvin] Open the pig! Open the pig!
[Marvin unzips the pig, and pulls out a grenade launcher]
Marvin Boggs: Do you know what's wrong with this country?
Sarah Ross: They all are trying to kill us?
Marvin Boggs: Exactly!
Henry, The Records Keeper: Frank Moses was one of the most effective black op agents we've ever had. He retired drug-lords, terrorists. Hell, he toppled governments. Yeah. He was truly gifted.
William Cooper: Why was he retired?
Henry, The Records Keeper: He got old. Then some thumb-sucker came along and tagged him "RED".
William Cooper: Red?
Henry, The Records Keeper: Yeah, RED. R-E-D, "Retired, Extremely Dangerous".
Cynthia Wilkes: You just got your ass handed to you by a goddamned retiree!
Cynthia Wilkes: [In the meeting spot] This is gonna happen either way!
William Cooper: [Obviously trusting Moses over her] Fuck you Cynthia!
[Pulls out a gun and kills her]
Ivan Simanov: I owe you for killing Igor.
Frank Moses: Igor the Butcher.
Ivan Simanov: He was a great asset.
Frank Moses: He was a pig.
Ivan Simanov: He was my cousin.
Frank Moses: Sorry.
Ivan Simanov: [raises his glass] To Igor. The Butcher.
Frank Moses: Igor's not dead.
[Ivan chokes on his vodka]
Frank Moses: I flipped him.
Ivan Simanov: ...What?
Frank Moses: He owns a string of 7-11s in Orange County.
Ivan Simanov: No!
Frank Moses: He weighs 500 pounds.
[They laugh hysterically]
Ivan Simanov: [sighs] I miss the old days.
Ivan Simanov: I haven't killed anyone in years.
Frank Moses: That's sad.
[preparing to torture Dunning]
Marvin Boggs: You want...
[holds up pliers]
Marvin Boggs: Nipples?
[another set of pliers]
Marvin Boggs: Nuts?
[an auger spike]
Marvin Boggs: Potty trainer?
Frank Moses: Sarah, this is Victoria. Best wet work asset in the business and a true artist with an an RPN.
Sarah Ross: Oh, wow. Um, what's that?
Victoria: [smiling] I kill people, dear.
Sarah Ross: What do you supposed the punishment is for what we're doing here?
Frank Moses: Death. Maybe life in prison.
Sarah Ross: Awesome.
Victoria: [pleasantly] In all the years I've known Francis, I've never seen him like this. So if you break his heart, I will kill you. And bury you body in the woods.
Sarah Ross: Wow. Okay.
Alexander Dunning: Are you gonna let me talk to them? I can negotiate something.
Marvin Boggs: Thanks, when we want your help we'll get out the drain cleaner.
Alexander Dunning: Listen plastic man, those bastards probably have orders to kill ME, too.
Joe Matheson: I hope so.
Alexander Dunning: Why? Cause I'm the bad guy? I'm scum?
Marvin Boggs: Can I just shoot him now?
Alexander Dunning: No. You don't have people killed. I have people killed; I'm the bad guy, remember?
Joe Matheson: [Knocks out Dunning with a punch to the jaw. Shrugs] Not worth a bullet.
Victoria: Oh, Francis. You're such a romantic.
Frank Moses: What?
Victoria: You're all hard on the outside, but inside you're gooey... gooey.
Frank Moses: I was just hoping you'd be a little more understanding of the situation.
Sarah Ross: I was hoping not to get kidnapped. Or drugged. I was hoping you'd have *hair*. So it looks like none of our dreams are coming true at the moment.
Ivan Simanov: [Riding in the car after everything is over. To Moses] You still owe me favor.
Victoria: [Getting pissed off at Ivan] Oh Ivan!
[turns to the others]
Victoria: His timing is terrible!
Ivan Simanov: Just a tiny little nuclear problem in Moldova.
Frank Moses: If anything happens to Sarah, I will rip everything you love out of your life and then I'll kill you.
Frank Moses: How'd do you do it?
Victoria: Do what?
Frank Moses: Make the transition? You seem so calm.
Victoria: I love it here. I love the baking, I love the flower arranging. I like the routine.
Victoria: Well, I do get a bit restless sometimes. I take the odd contract on the side. I just can't stop.
Sarah Ross: The General has dropped his contact lens. Perhaps you'd like to help us?
Hanged Man: [perched on a chair with a noose around his neck] I can make you rich. Don't you know who I am?
William Cooper: 'Course I do.
[kicks the chair away]
Victoria: Tell Marvin to stand down before he hurts himself.
[Steps away from the window, revealing Marvin's head and a sniper rifle peering out of a bush outside]
Frank Moses: [on the phone] Did you start that new book?
Sarah Ross: I did.
Sarah Ross: And? What's it called?
Sarah Ross: Uh, it's called Love's Savage Secret.
Frank Moses: Nice. Is it any good?
Sarah Ross: It's terrible. I love it. It's awful.
Frank Moses: Watch you back, too.
Joe Matheson: I'm 80 years old. I got stage 4 liver cancer. What the hell can they do to me?
Frank Moses: They can still shoot you.
Joe Matheson: Well... I never thought this would happen to me.
Frank Moses: What?
Joe Matheson: Getting old. Well I mean, Vietnam, Afghanistan. The Green Spring Rest Home?
William Cooper: [at the "back room", secret records location] I didn't even know this place existed.
Henry, The Records Keeper: It doesn't.
Marvin Boggs: Frank, we gotta get rid of this broad. I know a great place up the road. Lots of alligators.
Frank Moses: We're not getting rid of the broad. I like her.
Marvin Boggs: What's the angle?
Frank Moses: No angle. I like her.
Marvin Boggs: Ok. So they pull her voice from the payphone even now. Install the voice recognition software and backtrace it to Singer. Then we show up, they bring out the satellite and we're fried with Y rays.
Sarah Ross: [drugged and almost kidnapped] Am I gonna die?
Frank Moses: No. You just need some sleep.
Sarah Ross: I may vomit.
Sarah Ross: Wow, this is just like "Love's Savage Secret".
Frank Moses: People get shot all the time.
Sarah Ross: No they don't. They get... paper cuts.
Marvin Boggs: ...I mostly get shot.
Frank Moses: [on the phone] 943-66-2291. Pension Services, please.
Woman: Thank you, Mr. Moses, please hold for your representative.