We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011) Poster


Eva: You don't look happy.

Kevin: Have I ever?

Kevin: It's like this: you wake and watch TV, get in your car and listen to the radio you go to your little jobs or little school, but you don't hear about that on the 6 o'clock news, why? 'Cause nothing is really happening, and you go home and watch some more TV and maybe it's a fun night and you go out and watch a movie. I mean it's got so bad that half the people on TV, inside the TV, they're watching TV. What are these people watching, people like me?

Eva: Haven't you ever wished you had somebody else around to play with?

Kevin, 6-8 Years: No.

Eva: You might like it.

Kevin, 6-8 Years: What if I don't like it?

Eva: Then you get used to it.

Kevin, 6-8 Years: Just because you're used to something doesn't mean you like it. You're used to me.

Eva: Yes, well, in a few months we're all gonna get used to somebody new.

[last lines]

Eva: Why?

Kevin: I used to think I knew. Now I'm not so sure.


Prison guard: Time's up.

Franklin: Hey, Kev. Listen buddy, it's easy to misunderstand something when you hear it out of context.

Kevin: Why would I not understand the context? I am the context.

Eva: [standing at the counter of the miniature golf course, the mother sees a group of obese people and rails to her son] Whenever I see fat people, they're always eating. Don't give me any of this... 'slow metabolism, it's my glands' crap.

Eva: You just can't get uncomfortable enough can you?

Kevin: Uncomfortable? With my own mother?

Kevin: You know, you can be kind of harsh sometimes.

Eva: You're one to talk.

Eva: So, how's school going?

Kevin: It's going.

Young Suited Man #1: Good afternoon ma'am. I hope this isn't an inconvenient time.

Eva: Well, it is actually.

Young Suited Man #1: Well, we just had a couple of quick questions for you.

Eva: What is this about?

Young Suited Man #2: Do you know were are you spending the afterlife?

Eva: Oh! Yes I do as a matter of fact! I'm going straight to hell. Eternal damnation, the whole bit. Thanks for asking! Ok?

Eva: Why would you have something like that?

Kevin: I collect them.

Eva: Doesn't it a weird thing to collect?

Kevin: I don't like stamps.

Eva: Then what's the point?

Kevin: There is no point. That's the point.

Eva: So, the daddy bear plants his seed in the mommy bear and it grows into an egg.

Kevin, 6-8 Years: Is this about fucking?

Eva: Do you know what that means?

Kevin, 6-8 Years: The boy puts his pee pee in the girls doo doo.

Celia: Me and Kevin were playing Xmas kidnapping.

Kevin: [Eva walks into the dining room, pleased to see that Kevin has changed into clothes more appropriate for his age - but then he turns around with a humorless grin and her mouth drops open in disgust when she sees that he is gnawing on a whole chicken, getting it all over his face] ... What? I was hungry!

[laughs wickedly]

Kevin: I'm a "growing boy".

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Colin: You wanna dance?

Eva: No thanks, Harland.

Colin: Come on, just one!

[Mr. Harland playfully waves his Styrofoam reindeer antler headband around to try to get her to smile]

Eva: [laughing timidly] No really, I don't dance.

Colin: [Mr. Harland's demeanor changes abruptly and he leans in close to whisper something in her ear] Where do you get off, you stuck-up bitch? Do you think anybody else even wants you now?

[Eva, looking forlorn, stands up and leaves the Christmas party]

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Eva: So daddy and mommy were looking for him the whole night. And you know why we couldn't find him? Because Snuffles has gone to live in the garden! He's living in the garden now, with a whole bunch of new animal friends! So, they're having a big party tonight... with the chipmunks, and the squirrels, and the coons and they're eating nuts and berries...

[suddenly Eva realizes in confusion that the water isn't properly draining down the sink because something is clogging it, implied to be Snuffles the guinea pig. Eva pours drain cleaner down the sink to corrode the "clog"]

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Franklin: Kev, Mom had something that she wanted to tell you.

Eva: [Eva looks appalled and despite her efforts she finds that this time, she is unable to fake any sort of love towards Kevin] I wanted to... thank you for calling the ambulance.

Franklin: ...And?

Eva: And I was concerned... that you might be feeling... RESPONSIBLE.

Kevin: Why is that?

Eva: [on the verge of snapping] Because you were SUPPOSED to be looking after her!

Franklin: We just don't want you to blame yourself.

Kevin: No. I don't... I mean I... I never said I did.

Eva: ...She's going to need a GLASS EYE, Kevin.

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[repeated line]

Eva: Franklin, where are you? Pick up the goddamned phone!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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