- [first lines, Adrian shares his thoughts while looking in the mirror in the morning]
- Adrian Mole: Tonight is New Year's Eve. Look at me! My ears stick out, my hair's got three partings, and I've only grown a couple of inches in the last year. I suppose I must reconcile myself to the fact that I will always be one of those people who'll never get a good view in the cinema.
- Nigel: Moley, I want to ask you something... . Y'know there are three different kinds of, uh, sexuality.
- [Adrian, about to bite his hamburger, slowly lowers the sandwich]
- Adrian Mole: Three?
- Nigel: Yeah. Homo, bi, and hetero.
- Adrian Mole: [nonplussed, unsure where this is going] Uh... yeah.
- Nigel: Yeah, well, I don't really know which one to opt for.
- Adrian Mole: [bewildered] Well, but, which one do you feel more comfortable with?
- Nigel: [his mouth now full of hamburger] All three, Moley.
- Adrian Mole: [in his thoughts] Nigel never could make up his mind.
- [later, a poster for the 'Gay Club' appears on a school bulletin board]
- Adrian Mole: [to Nigel] So, you've finally decided.
- Nigel: Well, I'm still exploring the possibilities.
- [when the headmaster sees the flyer, he tears it down and rips it in half]
- Mr. Scruton: Is this your doing, Partridge?
- Nigel: [meekly] Yes, sir.
- Mr. Scruton: How disgusting.
- Nigel: Well, why, Sir?
- Mr. Scruton: I will not, and neither will the school governors, sanction the use of the school gymnasium for immoral purposes.
- Nigel: What? No, but Sir, the Gay Club is for people who want to be lively, playful, frisky and frolicksome during the dinner break.
- [at a loss for words, the headmaster looks again at the flyer]
- Nigel: What's immoral about simple gaiety, Sir?
- Mr. Scruton: [quietly, tentatively] The word 'gay', Partridge, has changed its meaning over the years, hasn't it.
- Nigel: Oh, has it, Sir?... What does it mean now, then, Sir?
- Mr. Scruton: [obviously uncomfortable] Well, it means, ahem, something quite different now.
- Nigel: What?... What does it mean now, Sir?
- Mr. Scruton: Now? I, uh, well, uh...
- Nigel: [with a sly smile] Well, I see I'll just have to get a more up-to-date dictionary, won't I, Sir.