Chugs: [from trailer] It's a body. Do we wrap it in the blanket as it is, or do we chop it into little pieces first?
Mrs. Crenshaw: [from trailer] Don't think I'm afraid of you. I run a house with 50 crazy bitches...
[the killer throws a tire iron]
Jessica: Please God, don't let me get killed.
Cassidy: I love you Jessica because you make being a bitch an art form.
Jessica: [irritated] Here, here.
Jessica: I'm gonna deal with you later!
Maggie: You might wanna deal with that hair first, because it looks like shit.
Jessica: [talking about the pills that Megan swallowed to play the prank] Too bad it doesn't prevent bulimia, that's something Megan could actually use!
Jessica: Please God don't let me get killed. Please God don't let me get killed.
Cassidy: Stop giving him ideas.
Jessica: Oh, Shit. Who set the house on fire?
Jessica: Ellie, no one is dead! Well, Megan.
Jessica: [Impatiently] What?
Claire: I keep thinking about that text.
Jessica: [sighs] Clair! Garrett is a little bitch. He says we made him kill Megan? As if. Seriously, Clair, grow a pair.
Claire: Jessica, I've always had your back.
Jessica: But you've never had a backbone.
Mrs. Crenshaw: I saw what you did.
Jessica: We didn't mean to kill Megan.
Mrs. Crenshaw: Kill Megan? I was talking about trashing my house.
Chugs: I don't have time to play "Catch me, rape me."
Chugs: Whatever loser. It's not my fault that you're gay.
Cassidy: [while returning to the party] Where is everybody?
Claire: Probably dead.
Jessica: Yeah, and the corpses drove their cars home, idiot!
Jessica: Friend me on Facebook, I'll totally confirm.
Jessica: Okay, we cannot let Ellie see this text.
[Ellie screams from upstairs]
Jessica: Shit! Too late.
Jessica: Ugh, This is so stupid. We are missing out on the part of the year.
Cassidy: I know, how inconvinent. Why couldn't Ellie have had a nervous breakdown tomorrow?
Jessica: You know Cassidy, your sarcasm makes you sound like a bitch. And nobody likes a bitch.
Ellie: Megan's alive, you guys.
Jessica: Ellie, you're being borderline retarded right now. She's not alive. Garrett is doing this.
Jessica: [after finding Megan dead in the shower] Ewww, she looks horrible!
Jessica: [after running over Garrett with her van] Well, at least we won't be getting anymore of those text messages.
Jessica: [to Maggie, sarcastically] Oh, no! Don't go out there!
[Cassidy shoots a dirty look]
Jessica: ... what? I tried to warn her.
Jessica: Claire. I like being your friend because... it makes me multicultural without having to do anything.
Mrs. Crenshaw: [Points her gun at Jessica] Talk.
Cassidy: Okay, listen, it was an accident and we'll explain everything later but right now, Clair is dead, Mickey's dead, Chugs is dead and we don't know if Megan's alive or not.
Maggie: Wait, so Megan's not dead?
Jessica: We don't know! We need to get the hell out of here.
Mrs. Crenshaw: Who else is here?
Mrs. Crenshaw: Is he in on this thing?
Jessica: [Unconvincingly] No.
Mrs. Crenshaw: [Cocks gun, points it back to her] Lie to me again.
Jessica: Okay, I told Kyle about Megan.
Cassidy: Of course you did! What's with this ''sisters for life'' crap, huh? Was I the only one that didn't tell anybody?
Mrs. Crenshaw: Where is Kyle?
Maggie: Don't look at me! He left as soon as he heard you coming.
Mrs. Crenshaw: Well, he, she or it is about to get two rounds to the face. You girls wait in Jessica's room. And call the police.
Jessica: Well, who knew Mrs. Crenshaw was such a bad-ass?
Chugs: Ellie, I love you because you're always there to help with homework. You're like a spellcheck with a nice rack.
Jessica: It's Mickey... I would know those ugly ass shoes anywhere.
Cassidy: Is he dead?
Jessica: Well, he has a fucking tire iron through his head... Do you think it's the same one that killed Megan?
Cassidy: You make it sound like the tire iron killed Megan by itself.
Jessica: Thank you, for the grammar lesson... I'm just sayin, it looks a little... updated doesn't it? Like someone... pimped it out.
[Jessica is performing mouth-to-mouth CPR on an unresponsive Megan]
Chugs: That is so hot.
Ellie: Chugs, please!
[Megan suddenly grabs Jessica by the back of her neck and presses closer in which she finally pulls away]
Megan: What, no tougne?
Jessica: Easy now, Lezzie Lohan. This is make belive.
Mrs. Crenshaw: You stay the fuck away from my girls!