John Carter (Antonio Sabato Jr.) is some kind of lone soldier in the middle east who looks at everyone through the scope on his rifle, until one day he gets shot a bunch of times and the ... See full summary »
Antonio Sabato Jr.,
Barely a movie, this version of Jules Verne's classic tale has a bunch of alleged female soldiers, who look more like a bunch of college babes attired in wife-beaters, accidentally transported to the center of the Earth. Only the center of the Earth looks remarkably like Hawaii. A rescue team is sent after them, manned by Greg "Me and the Bear" Evigan, who somehow got very old overnight. A T-Rex shows up to keep the girls on their toes, along with a very large spider. But we spend way too much time in the girls' company, listening to their inane chatter(some of which appears to have been later looped) and watching their uniformly bad acting. A little girl-on-girl action or shirt doffing might have helped. Alas, we get neither. A little comedy also might have helped. Alas, the movie is played dead-serious. This truly is as close to a non-movie as I am yet to see at age 60.
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