Iron Man 2 (2010)
[seeing Tony Stark, in partial Iron Man armor, sitting in a giant rooftop donut display]
Nick Fury: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the donut.
[Agent Coulson is left in charge of Tony]
Agent Coulson: If you try to escape, or play any sort of games with me, I will taze you and watch "Supernanny" while you drool into the carpet.
Agent Coulson: [holding up the Captain America shield] Where did you get this? Do you have any idea what this is?
Tony Stark: *That*... is exactly what I need!
[takes shield, shoves it under coil, measures with carpenter's level]
Tony Stark: There, see? Perfectly level.
Senator Stern: My priority is to get the Iron Man weapon turned over to the people of the United States of America.
Tony Stark: Well, you can forget it. I am Iron Man. The suit and I are one. To turn over the Iron Man suit would be to turn over myself, which is tantamount to indentured servitude or prostitution, depending on what state you're in. You can't have it.
Senator Stern: Look, I'm no expert...
Tony Stark: In prostitution? Of course not, you're a senator. Come on!
Ivan Vanko: You come from a family of thieves and butchers, and like all guilty men, you try to rewrite your history, to forget all the lives the Stark family has destroyed.
Tony Stark: Speaking of thieves, where'd you get this design? You look like you have friends in low places.
Ivan Vanko: My father, Anton Vanko.
Tony Stark: Never heard of him.
Ivan Vanko: My father is the reason you're alive.
Tony Stark: No, the reason I'm alive is because you made a shot, and you missed.
Ivan Vanko: [laughs] If you could make God bleed, people would cease to believe in Him. There will be blood in the water, the sharks will come. All I have to do is sit back and watch as the world consumes you.
Tony Stark: Where will you be watching the world consume me from? Oh, that's right, a prison cell. I'll send you a bar of soap.
Tony Stark: [reading from Natascha's SHIELD Report on Iron Man/Tony Stark]
Tony Stark: Mr. Stark displays textbook... narcissism.
Tony Stark: [Stark stares at Nick Fury, who simply stares at him back] ... Agreed.
Tony Stark: [to Nick Fury regarding "The Avengers" initiative] I told you I don't want to join your super-secret boy band.
Jarvis: May I say how refreshing it is to finally see you on a video with your clothing on, sir.
Natalie Rushman: I'm surprised you can keep your mouth shut.
Tony Stark: God, you're good. You are mind-blowingly close to this. How do you do it? You're a triple impostor, I've never seen anything like it. Is there anything real about you? Do you even speak Latin?
Natalie Rushman: Fallaces sunt rerum species.
Tony Stark: Which means? Wait, what did you just say?
Natalie Rushman: It means you can either drive yourself home or I can have you collected.
[the Senate committee tries to get Stark's attention while he is making flirty faces with Pepper Potts]
Senator Stern: [finally getting his attention] Mr. Stark!
Tony Stark: Yes, dear?
[after destroying a Hammer drone about to terminate a kid wearing an Iron Man mask]
Iron Man: Nice work, kid!
Tony Stark: [Puts new arc-reacter in chestpiece] Wow!
Tony Stark: That tastes like coconut... and metal!
Senator Stern: I think we're done with the point that he's making. I don't think there's any reason...
Tony Stark: The point is you're welcome, I guess.
Senator Stern: For what?
Tony Stark: Because I'm your nuclear deterrent. It's working. We're safe. America is secure. You want my property? You can't have it. But I did you a big favor.
[stands and turns to face the Senate]
Tony Stark: I've successfully privatized world peace. What more do you want? For now! I tried to play ball with these ass-clowns.
Senator Stern: [Bleep] ... you, Mr. Stark.
Senator Stern: [Bleep] ... you, buddy.
[Natalie Rushman walks in dressed as the Black Widow]
Tony Stark: Huh! You're... fired.
Natasha Romanoff: That's not up to you.
Tony Stark: [about Natalie Rushman] Who is she?
Pepper Potts: She is from legal and she is potentially a very expensive sexual harassment lawsuit if you keep ogling her like that.
[only in trailer]
Tony Stark: [about to jump out of a plane] Okay, give me a smooch for good luck, I might not make it back!
[Instead, Pepper kisses the "lips" of Stark's helmet and throws it out of the plane]
Pepper Potts: Go get 'em, boss!
Tony Stark: [diving after the helmet] You complete me!
Senator Stern: [after he pricks Tony with his badge] Ooh, sorry... funny how annoying a little prick can be, isn't it?
Tony Stark: [The strawberry vendor hands strawberries to Tony who's in his car] I don't like people handing me things just put it down there.
Strawberry Vendor: Aren't you Iron Man?
Tony Stark: [Driving off] Sometimes.
Justin Hammer: These are the Cubans, baby. This is the Cohibas, the Montecristos. This is a kinetic-kill, side-winder vehicle with a secondary cyclotrimethylenetrinitramine RDX burst. It's capable of busting a bunker under the bunker you just busted. If it were any smarter, it'd write a book, a book that would make Ulysses look like it was written in crayon. It would read it to you. This is my Eiffel Tower. This is my Rachmaninoff's Third. My Pieta. It's completely elegant, it's bafflingly beautiful, and it's capable of reducing the population of any standing structure to zero. I call it "The Ex-Wife."
Tony Stark: How do you spell your name, Natalie?
Natalie Rushman: R-U-S-H-M-A-N.
Pepper Potts: What, are you Googling her now?
Tony Stark: I thought I was ogling her?
Tony Stark: You know, the question I get asked most often is, "Tony, how do you go to the bathroom in the suit?"
[pauses with eyes closed]
Tony Stark: Just like that.
Nick Fury: That thing in your chest is based on unfinished technology...
Tony Stark: No, it's finished - it's just never been particularly effective until I miniaturized it and put it in my...
Nick Fury: No, Howard said the arc reactor was a stepping stone to something greater. He was about to kick off an energy race that was going to dwarf the arms race. He was on to something big, something so big it was going to make the arc reactor look like a triple-A battery.
Tony Stark: Just him, or was Anton Vanko in on this?
Nick Fury: Anton Vanko was the other side of that coin - Anton saw it as a way to get rich, and when your father found out he had him deported. When the russians found out he couldn't deliver they shipped his ass of to Siberia. He spent the next twenty years in a vodka-fueled rage, not quite the environment you'd want to raise a kid in - the son you had the misfortune of crossing paths with in Monaco.
Nick Fury: You've been very busy. You made your girl your CEO, you're giving away all your stuff. You let your friend fly away with your suit. Now, if I know better...
Tony Stark: [interrupts] You don't know better. I didn't give it to him. He took it.
Nick Fury: Whoa, whoa, whoa. He took it? You're Iron Man and he just took it? The little brother walked in there, kicked your ass and took your suit? Is that possible?
Natasha Romanoff: Well, according to Mr. Stark's database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage.
Tony Stark: What do you want from me?
Nick Fury: What do we want from you? Uh-uh. What do you want from me? You have become a problem, a problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief, you are not the center of my universe. I have bigger problems in the southwest region to deal with. Hit him!
[Natalia injects Tony in his neck]
Tony Stark: [groans] Oh God, are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it? Could you please not do anything awful for five seconds? What did she just do to me?
Nick Fury: What did we just do *for* you? That's lithium dioxide. It's gonna take the edge off. We're trying to get you back to work.
Tony Stark: Give me a couple boxes of that. I'll be right as rain.
Natasha Romanoff: It's not a cure, it just abates the symptoms.
Nick Fury: Doesn't look like it's gonna be an easy fix.
Natalie Rushman: Well done with the new chest piece. I'm reading significantly higher output and your vitals all look promising.
Tony Stark: Yes, for the moment, I'm not dying. Thank you.
Pepper Potts: [overhears] What do you mean you're not dying? Did you just say you're dying?
Tony Stark: Is that you? No, I'm not. Not anymore.
Pepper Potts: What's going on?
Tony Stark: I was going to tell you, I didn't want you to alarm you
Pepper Potts: [interrupts] You were going to tell me? You really were dying?
Tony Stark: You didn't let me.
Pepper Potts: Why didn't you tell me that?
Tony Stark: I was going to make you an omelet and tell you.
Natalie Rushman: Hey, hey. Save it for the honeymoon. You got incoming, Tony. Looks like the fight's coming to you.
Tony Stark: Great. Pepper?
Pepper Potts: Are you okay now?
Tony Stark: I'm fine. Don't be mad, I will formally apologize...
Pepper Potts: I am mad!
Tony Stark: ...when I'm not fending off a Hammeroid attack.
Pepper Potts: Fine.
Tony Stark: We could've been in Venice.
Pepper Potts: Oh, please.
Howard Stark: Tony, you're too young to understand this right now, so I thought I would put it on film for you.
[Howard gestures to his model city]
Howard Stark: I built this for you. And some day you'll realize that it represents a whole lot more than just people's inventions. It represents my life's work. This is the key to the future. I'm limited by the technology of my time, but one day you'll figure this out. And when you do, you will change the world. What is and always will be my greatest creation... is you.
Iron Man: You have *a* big gun, you're not *the* big gun.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: Tony, don't be jealous.
Iron Man: No, it's subtle, all the bells and whistles.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: Yeah, it's called "being a badass"!
Tony Stark: [puts down a disgusting-looking dish]
Pepper Potts: What is that?
Tony Stark: This is your in-flight meal.
Pepper Potts: Did you just make that?
Tony Stark: Yeah. Where do you think I've been for three hours?
Tony Stark: I'm not saying I'm responsible for this country's longest run of uninterrupted peace in 35 years! I'm not saying that from the ashes of captivity, never has a Phoenix metaphor been more personified! I'm not saying Uncle Sam can kick back on a lawn chair, sipping on an iced tea, because I haven't come across anyone man enough to go toe to toe with me on my best day! It's not about me. It's not about you, either. It's about legacy, the legacy left behind for future generations. It's not about us!
Justin Hammer: [about Christine Everhart] She's actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Fair. I thought I'd throw her a bone, you know. Right?
Pepper Potts: Right. Well, she did quite a spread on Tony last year.
Tony Stark: And she wrote a story as well.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: *I* think it's weird. You look like two seals fighting over a grape.
Tony Stark: Hey, you weren't supposed to be listening to that. Get lost.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: I was here first. Get a roof.
Justin Hammer: I'd love to leave my door unlocked at night, but this ain't Canada.
Happy Hogan: Anything else, boss?
Tony Stark: I'm good, Hap.
Pepper Potts: No, I'll be just... another minute.
Tony Stark: I lost both the kids in the divorce.
Natalie Rushman: I'm going to enter the facility.
[she begins to remove her dress, Happy stares at her and dodges a car]
Natalie Rushman: Eyes on the road.
[Tony makes an explosive entrance at the Stark Expo]
Fan in crowd: Blow something up!
Tony Stark: What? Blow something up? I already did that.
Tony Stark: Well, then, you must have known my father better than I did.
Nick Fury: As a matter of fact, I did. He was one of the founding members of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Tony Stark: ...Wait, WHAT?
Pepper Potts: Natalie is here!
[Stark's notary enters]
Tony Stark: I want one.
Pepper Potts: No...
Tony Stark: What's the point of owning a race car if you can't drive it?
Tony Stark: [Tony has seen the diagram for the atomic structure of a new element; talks about his father] Dead almost 20 years, you're still taking me to school...
Tony Stark: Drop your socks and grab your crocs, we're about to get wet on this ride.
Tony Stark: What's on the docket?
Natalie Rushman: You have a 9:30 dinner.
Tony Stark: Perfect. I'll be there at 11.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: [regaining consciousness] Oh man, you can have your suit back.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: [aiming their repulsar beams at each other] Put your hand down.
Tony Stark: You think you got what it takes to wear that suit?
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: We don't have to do this, Tony.
Tony Stark: You wanna be the War Machine, take your shot.
Agent Coulson: Good luck. We need you.
Tony Stark: More than you know.
Agent Coulson: Not that much.
Tony Stark: [Dummy, the robotic arm, has made a mess at the kitchen sink] You! I swear to God, I'll dismantle you! I'll soak your motherboard, turn you into a wine rack!
[Dummy looks down guiltily]
Tony Stark: Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I'm doing...
[generates a new arc reactor, amidst a glass-splintering explosion]
Tony Stark: Oops!
Tony Stark: I just want to talk to you for a minute, well, make that 30 seconds...
Pepper Potts: Okay.
[looks at her watch]
Pepper Potts: 29, 28, 27...
[looking through Natalie's resume]
Tony Stark: She's fluent in French, Italian, Russian, Latin. Who speaks Latin?
Pepper Potts: No one speaks Latin. It's a dead language.
[as Coulson gazes upon a crater, he makes a call]
Agent Coulson: Sir. We found it.
[camera pans down to reveal Thor's hammer]
Ivan Vanko: [over the phone to Tony] Hey Tony, how you doing?
Ivan Vanko: I double cycle.
Tony Stark: You what?
Ivan Vanko: You told me double cycles more power. Good advice.
Tony Stark: You sound pretty spry for a dead guy.
Ivan Vanko: You, too.
[chuckles, then pauses]
Ivan Vanko: Now, the true history of Stark name will be written.
Ivan Vanko: What your father did to my family over 40 years, I will do to you in 40 minutes.
Tony Stark: Sounds good. Let's get together and hash it out.
Ivan Vanko: I hope you're ready.
Tony Stark: [Rhodey has just launched the "ex wife" weapon, which bounces off Vanko with no effect] Hammer Tech?
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: [Looks dejected] Yeah.
Pepper Potts: I need you...
Tony Stark: I need you too, that's what I'm trying to...
Pepper Potts: ...to leave. Now.
Howard Stark: [after making yet another error in his "City of the Future" speech] I would personally like to show you... my ass.
Justin Hammer: [to Ivan Vanko] So now you like the bird, is that right? Isn't that your bird? I'm confused, you said it wasn't, but now it looks like you're best of pals! You love that bird, don't you?
[to his men]
Justin Hammer: You know what, take the bird.
[They take the cockatoo and put it in a bag]
Justin Hammer: Take his pillows, too. Both of them.
[they take his pillows]
Justin Hammer: And his shoes. Take his shoes.
[they take his shoes]
Justin Hammer: I took your stuff. How's that make you feel? Do you feel bad? Good. 'Cause that's how I feel! We had a contract! I save your life, and you give me suits! That was our deal.
Tony Stark: Can I ask you something personal? If this was the last birthday party you were going to have, what would you do?
Natalie Rushman: I would do whatever I wanted to do, with whomever I wanted to do it with.
[cut to Stark dancing around drunkenly in Iron Man suit]
Tony Stark: [to Pepper] I am appointing you CEO, why aren't you listening to me? You know, I've been lately thinking what legacy I want to leave behind, and who should do what when I'm gone. And I think, in terms of Stark Enterprises, that you should take over it. You've always managed to handle it, so far it's been good. I hereby irrevocably make you CEO of the company.
Justin Hammer: This isn't a helmet, this is a head... Ivan, what's going on?
Ivan Vanko: Drone better.
Justin Hammer: Drone better? What, why drone better? Ivan, I got an order for suits, not drones!
Ivan Vanko: I can make salute.
Justin Hammer: You can make salute? What do you mean you can make salute? What the *hell* does that mean, Ivan?
Tony Stark: Let the record reflect that I observe Mr. Hammer entering the chamber and I am wondering if and when any actual expert will also be in attendance.
[several droids surround Iron Man and War Machine]
Ivan Vanko: I hope you're ready...
Tony Stark: COME ON!
Pepper Potts: You know, there's only 8,011 things that I really need to talk to you about.
Senator Stern: We present these honored badges to Col. James Rhodes and Tony Stark who is, of course, a national treasure.
Pepper Potts: My point is, we have already awarded contracts to the wind farm people.
Tony Stark: Yeah. Don't say "wind farm." I'm already feeling gassy.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: Tony, look, I'm sorry.
Tony Stark: Don't be.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: No, I should have trusted you.
Tony Stark: I'm the one who put you in this position. Forget it.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: No, it's your fault. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
Ivan Vanko: I want my bird.
Justin Hammer: Yeah, sure. We can get you a bird.
Ivan Vanko: I want *my* bird. *My* bird.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: I got something special for this guy. I'm gonna bust his bunker with the Ex-Wife.
Tony Stark: The what?
Tony Stark: Sorry, pal, but Iron Man doesn't have a sidekick.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: Sidekick *this*!
[hits Tony with barbell]
Justin Hammer: We all know why we're here - in the last six months Anthony Stark has created a sword with untold possibilites, and yet he insists it's a shield. He asks that we trust him as we cower behind it.
Natalie Rushman: Will that be all, Mr, Stark?
[Pepper talking over Tony]
Pepper Potts: Yes. Yes, that will be all, Ms. Rushman.
Ivan Vanko: Hey, Tony. Before you go, palladium in the chest, painful way to die.
[after a moment's pause, Tony leaves; Vanko chortles to himself]
[Ivan Vanko crashes into the Expo in his own suit]
Ivan Vanko: Good to be back!
Iron Man: Rhodey, get down!
[activates an energy blade that cleaves through all the droids]
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: Mm. I think you should lead with that next time.
Iron Man: Yeah, sorry, Boss, I can only use it once. It's a one-off.
Justin Hammer: Hey, hey, hey! Special delivery. Candygram! I brought you something.
Jack: Ooh, yeah.
Justin Hammer: Ha ha ha! We got you the bird, pal!
Ivan Vanko: This is not my bird.
Justin Hammer: What do you mean? That's the bird! This is the bird, yeah! Pulled a lot of strength to get this bird. That's a great bird!
Jack: It's a beautiful bird.
Justin Hammer: We got this all the way from Russia!
Ivan Vanko: Hey, man! It's not my bird.
Justin Hammer: Well, listen, even if it's not the bird, I mean, this is a, this is a gorgeous bird. I mean, look, you know, don't get so attached to things. Learn to let go.
Justin Hammer: [to Ivan] What I saw you did to Tony Stark on that track, how you stepped up to him in front of God and everybody, that was... Wow!
Senator Stern: We're adjourned for the day. You've been a delight.
Tony Stark: [Tony has just been told by a US Marshal that tomorrow he has to attend court in front of the US Armed forces committee] Show me the badge.
Happy Hogan: [to the US Marshall] He likes the badge.
U.S. Marshal: [shows her badge] Still like it?
Tony Stark: Yeah.
Nick Fury: What do you remember about your father?
Tony Stark: He was cold, calculating, never told me he loved me, never even told me he liked me, so it's a bit hard for me to digest that he said the whole future is riding on me thing, I don't get that! You're talking about a man whose happiest day of his life was shipping me off to boarding school.
Nick Fury: That's not true.
Pepper Potts: You're out of control, okay?
Iron Man: [intoxicated] I'm not out of control.
Pepper Potts: Trust me on this one.
Iron Man: You're out of control, gorgeous.
Pepper Potts: It's time to go to bed. It's time.
Iron Man: [leaning in to kiss her] Come on, you know you want to. Give me another smooch.
Pepper Potts: You're not going to be happy about this.
Iron Man: Come on, you know you want to.
Pepper Potts: You just peed in the suit.
Iron Man: I know, it has a filtration system.
Pepper Potts: It's not sexy.
Iron Man: You could drink that water.
Justin Hammer: [Hammer is with reporter Christine Everhart] Tony, you know Christine?
Tony Stark: Yes, roughly.
Tony Stark: Trust me, I know. I'm good at this stuff. I've been looking for a suitable replacement for palladium. I've tried every combination, every permutation of every known element.
Nick Fury: Well, I'm here to tell you, you haven't tried them all.
Jarvis: I am unable to find a suitable replacement element for the reactor, sir. You are running out of time, and options.
Tony Stark: She's right. The party's over. Then again, the party was over for me, like, an hour and a half ago. The after party starts in fifteen minutes.
[under his breath]
Tony Stark: And if anybody, Pepper, doesn't like it, there's the door.
[accidentally fires his repulsar]
Pepper Potts: I quit. I'm resigning. My body literally can't handle the stress. I don't know when you're going to kill yourself, or mess up the whole company...
Tony Stark: I think I did okay!
[about his armour]
Tony Stark: It's a hi-tech prosthesis. That's actually the most apt description I can make of it.
Tony Stark: I didn't expect to see you here...
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: Well, it's me, and I'm here, so get over it and move on!
Tony Stark: My bond is with the people, and I will serve this great nation at the pleasure of myself. If there's one thing I've proven it's that you can count on me to pleasure myself.
Justin Hammer: Anthony. Is that you? Hey, pal! How ya doin'?
Tony Stark: My least favorite person on Earth, Justin Hammer.
Tony Stark: [to Nick Fury] I'm sorry. I don't wanna get on the wrong foot. Do I look at the patch or the eye? Honest, I'm a bit hung over. I'm not sure if you're real or if I'm having...
Nick Fury: [cuts him off] I am very real. I'm the realest person you're ever gonna meet.
Tony Stark: I don't care about the liberal agenda any more, it's boring.
[In Moscow, an old man watches a broadcast on TV]
Tony Stark: [on TV] There's been speculation that I was involved in the events that occurred on the freeway and the rooftop...
Christine Everhart: [on TV] I'm sorry, Mr. Stark, but do you honestly expect us to believe that that was a bodyguard in a suit that conveniently appeared, despite the fact that...
Tony Stark: [on TV] I know that it's confusing. It is one thing to question the official story, and another thing entirely to make wild accusations, or insinuate that I'm a superhero. that would be outlandish and, uh, fantastic. I'm just not the hero type. Clearly. With this laundry list of character defects, all the mistakes I've made, largely public...
Anton Vanko: Ivan...
[Ivan enters the room]
Tony Stark: [on TV] I am Iron Man.
Anton Vanko: Ivan... that should be you.
Ivan Vanko: Don't listen to that crap.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: This lone gunslinger act is unnecessary... you don't have to do this alone!
[the War Machine rises from a platform]
Justin Hammer: I wanna make Iron Man look like an antique.
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: [arriving at Stark's birthday party, seeing a drunk Tony in his Iron Man suit shooting bottles and produce out of the air]
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: I don't believe it... I just stuck my neck out for this guy!
Tony Stark: [about to shoot a watermelon] I think she wants the Gallagher!
[after reviewing Hammer's inventory of weapons]
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: I'll take it.
Justin Hammer: Which one?
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: All of it!
Anton Vanko: I am sorry... All I can give you... is my knowledge.
Tony Stark: And now, from the great beyond, my father Howard Stark!
[Howard appears on a screen]
Jarvis: It would appear that the same thing that is keeping you alive is also killing you, sir.
[taken away by the police]
Ivan Vanko: You lose, Stark! You lose!
[to Stark's birthday guests]
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: [in Mark II suit] I'm only going to say this once. Get out!
[the guests leave in a panic]
Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes: [to Stark] You don't deserve to wear one of these. Shut it down!
Tony Stark: [Stark teaches Natascha how to operate his repulsor] Nail it!
Ivan Vanko: [Speaks in Russian]
Justin Hammer: I don't know if you know this, but *I don't speak Russian!* Now I'm gonna go to the Expo, maybe you can watch me on TV, maybe I'll get laid.
Tony Stark: [lying drunk on the floor, having been blasted by War Machine] Goldstein.
Adam Goldstein: [peeking up from behind laptop] Yes, Mr. Stark?
Tony Stark: Give me phat beat to beat my buddy's ass to.