Detective Don Flack: You two've been working together way too long. A student came in looking for her keys and "boom".
Detective Mac Taylor: Boom? You and Danny have been working together way too long.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [about hydrofluoric acid] Do you have any idea how often I've wondered what would happen if you swallowed this stuff? There it is, sitting on the shelf, perhaps the most corrosive acid known to man. You just get that urge to take a swig! You know what I'm talking about?
Det. Mac Taylor: Absolutely. It's like, whenever I pick up a scalpel, I wonder if I could perform a live autopsy on myself.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [excited] You do that too? Because I thought I was...
[realizes that Mac is joking]
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Don't play with me like that!
Detective Lindsay Monroe: [in Mr. Greg's office] Nice office for a guidance counselor. What exactly are we looking for?
Detective Mac Taylor: Reasons for Mr. Greg's to start drinking.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: [reading the degrees on the wall] Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Dartmouth. This place is a machine for churning out Ivy-League students.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [upon see in the indoor plants] Are you serious? This is peyote!
Detective Danny Messer: Marijuana seeds, shrooms.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Looks like someone was growing their own magic garden.
Detective Danny Messer: Right under the faculty's nose, man.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Sometimes too much education may be a dangerous thing.