Things 5 (2019) Poster

(2019)

User Reviews

Review this title
3 Reviews
Sort by:
Filter by Rating:
2/10
Dumb Things
kbtoys10018 April 2023
A man walks into a science lab over the credits. Then a woman smokes an entire cigarette. Then she goes for a run. She stops to do stretches. She runs back home to eat a slice of pizza.

That's the first 7 minutes of the movie.

She talks on the phone about a party and going into work at the science lab before taking a long shower when a guy in a rubber monster mask comes and kills her.

We get essentially the same chain of events several more times until the movie ends.

Having seen director Joe Sherlock's other sequel film, Axegrinder 3, it's clear he has an MO very reminiscent to the mail order fetish films by W. A. V. E. in the 90s. Sherlock loves seeing large women get naked and then die.

While this will no doubt put a lot of viewers off, the bigger problem is the absolute ineptitude of the entire thing. Much like Mark Polonia's recent films, it's mostly vignettes of people struggling to speak their lines before dying (splashing blood and a Halloween prop).

There must be a market for his types of films, but it's not average horror fans (at least, the average fans who watch crap like Things 555) and therein lies the problem.

P. S. This bizarre series seems to have split off from the original anthology based on short stories to be pseudo-sequels to the 1989 Canadian movie by the same title.
2 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
1/10
Terrible
vandelay-7472017 August 2022
Very amateurish effort.special effects and monsters were among the worst I've seen.on the plus side if you have a fatty fetish you may enjoy this as there are several very large naked women on view here.
3 out of 5 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
7/10
Pay attention to the pre-movie disclsimer...lol
oldsvolvo20 September 2023
All in all an ok movie. It is the first Sterling movie I have run across. The acting was not wooden. The story fit with the day in a life of a "research lab" gone mad monster. The victums played dead great. I gotta a kick out of the open jog scene. The gore was appropriate. The intimate scenes were gratuitous as advertised but they fit in. I did like all the boob action. Stick around for the end credits...worth it. The movie never dragged...nor were there any obvious editing drops that would be incontinous. I have watched alot of schlock movies but this one was better than expected. I get it might not be everyones cup of tea.
0 out of 1 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

See also

Awards | FAQ | User Ratings | External Reviews | Metacritic Reviews


Recently Viewed