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|Index||350 reviews in total|
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
READ THIS BEFORE YOU CONSIDER WATCHING "DISASTER MOVIE": DON'T. JUST
Since I don't live in USA, there is absolutely no possibility for me to run across Friedberg or Seltzer. Because if I ever did, I will throw them whatever heavy object I have at my grasp right to their faces.
Believe me when I say this. There is no way this piece of garbage (sorry for the comparison, garbage) can have any shred of wit, creativity or thought.
Do not honor it with your attendance at a theater where it is actually shown (even if you get a free admission).
Why, do you ask? What does this "movie" have that can be so bad? Well, it has everything and nothing at the same time. It has all the references (not parodies) of every single movie you have paid good money to see lately. Not just that, they try to make fun of "Juno", a movie whose script by Diablo Cody is light years ahead of Selter and Friedberg's, and "The Dark Knight", a movie that redeems the famed franchise. Schumacher made a genius portrayal of the Dark Cruzader compared to what said idiots have done. "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" was better than this. The whole "nuke the fridge" scene was smarter than any scene in "Disaster Movie".
It doesn't have any real craftsmanship whatsoever. The only likeliness this thing had to film-making or production was the basic presence of a camera and people in front of it (not necessarily actors). The jokes? That's the joke: There are no jokes. More and more references to celebrities and big movies. And the main thing "Disaster Movie" is missing in the "plot" is... you guessed it! A disaster!
I personally thought "Meet the Spartans" was going to be the end of this "Spoof Movie" era. But they made "Superhero Movie", and now, Seltzer and Friedberg are back! Ahhh! The humanity!
An advice to producers outside the "Spoof Movie" circle. If you want your movie to become a success, mention that Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer had nothing to do with it. You'll make millions (the only ones who won't see it are pre-teens that have never seen any real movie, and paid to see "Date", "Epic", "Spartans" and "Disaster").
I wouldn't say you should avoid it like the plague, because the plague is funnier, more enjoyable and has a better thought script than "Disaster Movie". It doesn't even deserve to be voted upon.
The writing of this movie is truly inventive. Jason Friedberg and Aaron
Seltzer have figured out how to make movies with no plots, based on
movies they have only seen the trailers to, and these movies have such
low budgets, that they still make money. Even with the low budget, they
have an all star cast, full of bad Madtv actors, Carmen Electra and
even the legendary Tony Cox. The acting, writing and direction all
sparkle like the latrines of a diarrhea filled bathroom. This movie
might be on par with Schindler's List for the amount of laughs, or
there lack of. Honestly, though, this movie is one of the most god
awful things ever made. Even their last all time low Meet the Spartans
was topped in terms of horrible writing and direction, and the current
rating of a 1.3 shows that Mr. Friedberg, Mr. Seltzer and their other
writing partner Satan can't get much worse.
Disaster Movie...what a title for this, considering not one Disaster Movie is spoofed. Every movie here is one that came out within the last year, many which came out after this piece of garbage was written, and not one of them was a disaster movie. I guess they did a parody of Twister with the cow falling, but being the geniuses these two gems of writers are, they probably haven't seen Twister and just thought it would be funny to have a cow crush Iron Man. I was practically wetting my pants with some of this material. The Hulk's pants fall off, then he's hit by a cow. Duh, haha, duh, that's some good stuff. I think the target audience of this movie must be two year old mentally unstable children, and even they would find the humor a bit too dumb and immature.
Onto the plot of this winner. Will (Matt Lanter) has a dream that he's in 10,001 B.C. and he fights the Wolf from American Galdiators and meets Amy Winehouse who burps for like ten minutes on him, then gives him the Crystal Skull. He wakes up to find his girlfriend, Amy (Vanessa Minnillo) is leaving him for Flava Flave and little man Jojo. He throws a super duper sweet sixteen, despite that he is 25, and then a High School Musical number goes on, and then Calvin (played by the wonderful G. Thang) tries to curve a bullet, then Carmen Electra gets in a battle with other beauty Kimberly Kardashian, then Junie sings, and then later Javier Bardem, Prince Caspian, Hellboy, Batman, Beowulf and a police officer are all played by Ike Barinholtz, and thousands of sub-plots and movie spoofs of every recent movie comes in.
I must admit, I laughed more here than in Meet the Spartans. Meet the Spartans produced about .5 chuckles, where this in total produced maybe 1 chuckle out of stupidity. The laughs were obviously infrequent, considering there was only 1 in this 75 minute collage of badly reproduced movies. The acting is actually not too bad in comparison to Meet the Spartans or Epic Movie, but the overall enjoyment level of none was reduced to less than none. It's sad movies like this could be made (let alone be called movies). This was the most awful putrid flick to ever appear on the big screen, and as long as it makes money, each year we will be treated to even worse movies from these swell writers and directors.
Overall, this was not the best movie around, in fact, it was the worst. Avoid this at all costs. If it was a choice between this movie and death, it would be a tough choice.
My rating: BOMB out of ****. 75 mins. PG-13 for stupid humor and poopoo mouth.
Angry, in as so much as that I wasted my money, my time, and my
intelligence. I could actually feel my brain cells die off while
watching this atrocity. I would say that no one over the age of 11
should be let into this "movie", but that would be an insult to 11 year
olds. Don't bother to read for a synopsis, given that you would first
need a plot in order to have a synopsis. Indeed, I think I have already
put more thought and effort into writing this comment than those who
wrote the movie put into the script; that's assuming there even WAS a
I would give 0 stars, but I can only choose 1 as the lowest. Save your money... save your time... save YOURSELVES!!! Avoid this movie at all costs, and boycott anything else put out by these shameful "creators."
I went to the movies yesterday to see a movie. Unfortunately the movie
I wanted to see wasn't showing. My ride had already left, so I figured
that I should watch another. There weren't that many available so I saw
This movie is the worst piece of trash I have ever seen. It got to the point were I got a huge headache and completely mind numbed. I wanted to leave almost 5 times during the movies. The actors were horrible. I could play better roles handicapped and blind.
This is the worst movie I have ever seen. I recommend you don't watch this movie at all. You'd be happier in the dark corner of your room by yourself while depressing music plays in the background.
Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer.
I'm generally a defender of the mainstream, but these two....these two....
They embody all that's wrong with Hollywood, hell, with modern film in general.
I hate when people defend them by saying they are satirizing films, they aren't satirizing films THEY ARE REFERENCING films, they are not a mockery of crappy Hollywood excess, they are an EXAMPLE of it. It's like if Michael Bay said his movies were meant to be a satire of excessive CGI and explosions. To do a parody or satire, you must PROVIDE or Impersonate examples of your topic and MOCK them over specific flaws and contradictions, you don't COPY them and change things by adding hip-hop dance sequences or having characters die randomly. It's clear they haven't even watched the films that are 'parodied' here, in fact, several of the films referenced were still being shot and in some cases only starting shooting, thus making effective parodies of those films impossible, and imagine for a moment if 'Hancock' or 'The Dark Knight' were never made and they still included references to those films, would you still consider that 'hip' and 'relevant'?.
And even IF, pray tell, these films were funny, they are still off-topic. 99% of all the 'jokes' have nothing to do with Disaster Movies and those that do are so minor they are negligible. FACT: You cannot parody something effectively if you don't even mention it. Cut out the off-topic scenes from 'Disaster Movie' for example, and you'll only be left with 3, maybe 5 at the most, minutes of film, mostly credits. I don't care if it's the funniest film in the world, if it doesn't in some way deliver what it promises, I'm still not even gonna give it one star. If the titles were meant to be symbolic or something(like how 'Dancing with Wolves' isn't literally about dancing with wolves and Chris Ware's 'Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth' comic is about an adult with autism), it wouldn't matter, but in this case, they specifically say what they are going to do, and then disappoint. And sure a lot of comedies have off-topic jokes, but NOT ONES THAT TAKE UP 98.9% OF THE WHOLE FILM! At least 'Bio-Dome' actually took place in a Bio-Dome!
So I apologize if you get off on being disappointed, sorry, but I'm not. I prefer to laugh when watching a comedy, or at least, have fun.
And even worse, when they DO make actual parodies of something, they only do lame, obvious, predictable jokes even a small child could do just as effectively, if not more so. Oh, so Hannah Montanna's a merchandising whore, WOW I didn't know that!!! It's like some kid who tries to seem smart at the dinner table when his parent's are discussing politics by making political jokes, but who knows nothing about how politics work, so he just say's 'I'm a politician' and makes fart noises with his mouth. Is that cutting-edge and insightful satire? NO. But these idiots seem to think it is, because it's basically what they do, only with 'actors' doing it for them. My review for 'Caltiki' is a better example of satire. And don't call me a snob, because I'm a guy who loves stupid comedy, 'Jingle all the Way' and 'The Stupids' are some of my favorite guilty pleasures, hell, I started a thread about my favorite bad films a few months ago before some troll derailed it because I dared question the audacity of 'Mystery Science Theatre 3000' and was recently involved in a flame war with some loser who thinks 'South Park' is a sign of the coming Apocalypse.
So don't blame other people's films, these are crap all on their own.
And if they intend their films to be that way, that just makes it even worse, so they intend to make off-topic, unfunny, parody-devoid, boring, unpleasant films? That just confirms and justifies anything people say and do to them. Even assassination attempts. And if they really do consider their films to be real parodies, then they are one-trick ponies, and since plenty of comedians get grilled for doing a revolving door of the same few tricks,(like the Angry Video Game Nerd swearing too much and beating up guest stars, or Dane Cook being juvenile and unoriginal, although yeah, he is) then these two are the one trick-iest one trick ponies who ever lived, and their only trick is being off-topic.
These films aren't even entertaining in a so bad it's good way, in fact, they are the antithesis of entertainment. I usually never listen to people who say they fell asleep watching a film, as I used to think that that was impossible and although I've done so, it was usually for a number of reasons such as being tired, drunk or forcibly on my own free will to escape a bad film. Well, it's true, these film are so boring they actually will put you to sleep like a lazy student in a cartoon. In fact, if someone could have filmed me 'watching' this garbage, I'm sure there would have been Z's floating over my head.
Ditch this crap, please.
Oh, and for all of you out there who are going to castigate me for paying to see this, I'll let you know I didn't pay a single cent to watch this festering canker sore of a film.
~ The previous review will suffice for your Freidberg-Seltzer film of choice~
"Disaster Movie" is the 4th movie that has been made by Jason Friedberg
and Aaron Seltzer. Like "Date Movie", "Epic Movie", and "Meet the
Spartans", this spoofs many blockbuster movies and pop culture figures
of recent years. This time, the focus is on the "disaster" theme
similar to "The Day After Tomorrow".
Since 2006, Jason and Aaron, who first met while working on "Scary Movie", usually release one movie every year. This is actually the second movie they released this year.This is actually the second movie they released this year. At the beginning of this year in January, they did "Meet the Spartans", which opened at #1 and spoofed the entire script of "300". I saw that film and thought that it was going to be the worst movie of the year.
After seeing this one, I can say "Disaster Movie" is quite possibly the worst movie ever. I mean, it really is the worst movie ever made and released. You can put it straight to DVD or Blu-ray, and it still wouldn't be funny. You can air it as a made-for-TV movie, and it still wouldn't be funny. You can make it into a TV show pilot, and it still wouldn't get picked up. You can even get "MAD TV" canceled by including this as one of their skits.
What throws the whole movie is that the jokes are continuous every 4 seconds and never have any humor. Every time you think they will forget something, they end up spoofing it. They actually try to spoof every movie made this year. And they even try to include every TV character and celebrity in their jokes. It just doesn't amuse, and it just doesn't quit. They really have no idea of when to quit.
But the real reason why the jokes aren't funny is that it's inaccurate, overused, and butchered poorly. They spoof "High School Musical" with the main characters, and they poorly spoof Gabriella as a cheerleader, which she never was. They spoof "Kung Fu Panda", an animated movie, using a robot panda that looks like a panda in the real world. The performance they did with "Alvin and the Chipmunks" will give you so many nightmares, you would rather the 2007 version over this movie. The idea to use a male actor to play Carrie Bradshaw in the "Sex & The City" spoof is too desperate, too obvious, and worst of all, so wrong. And the other jokes used have been used already in their other movies, used already in other spoof movies, and are too old to even try and would have been used at the appropriate time.
This movie doesn't even spoof disaster films in general, unless if you can find any real "Cloverfield" spoofs. Some of the spoofs aren't actually in the movie and rather used as promotional ads. All they try to do is give many films and A-list Hollywood stars the roasting they "deserve". In reality, they destroy the "parody film" genre again and with more damage that a lot of people would rather stop making fun of them in movies like this. Normally, you can actually expect a film parody to be declared the worst movie ever by many people. But I guarantee that there is not and will not ever be a movie as worse as this one.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
This year Jason and Aaron pull out another "movie" from their
repertoire of steamy crap, and I quoted movie because this thing is
barely a movie. When I think of a movie I think of something that has a
plot and characters, but this is some kind of unknown piece of work. A
razzie won't do this film justice. But at least the razzie people now
know who to give the award to. So bad it almost makes the other ones
PROS:I have nothing good to say about this film. Absolutely nothing.
CONS: my favorite part of this comment. The cons. OK first of all Aaron and Jason need to look up the definition of spoof in the dictionary, the definition might vary from a dictionary to another, but I am pretty sure no dictionary will give the following definition, a piece of work in which various objects fall on pop culture icons and random stuff with no synchronized manner happens. If a dictionary gives that definition to the word spoof then i stand corrected. For me parody movies are taking a little amount of a pop culture reference and expanding upon it and making original jokes such as airplane and scary movie and all those other movies which Aaron and Jason should have learned from. In this film, however, the genre diverts from a parody to wackness.
99% of the jokes in this movie are prolonged and at some point you feel like you are being tortured. And then the unbearable redundancy. As if the audience like the jokes they already made in the film, they make other ones in the same manner. Where one of three things happens, something falling on someone, or somebody being hit brutally and somehow make it through, or somebody starting a random dance-off. The scene I hated the most, not that I liked any, is the scene where the chipmunks from Alvin and the chipmunks show up, and for some reason start chewing on Juno's character(named Juney). The scene was somewhat disturbing and rubbish. everything in this film is a rip off. 95% of the characters are ripped off. the jokes are all rip-offs and it almost looked like an unscripted reality show, you know, where people do random stuff cause it's not scripted.
FINAL THOUGHTS: The saddest part is that these guys are making a living like this, I mean come on, there are talented actors and directors out there who are dying for roles and these guys are making a living by writing a script that looked like it took two hours or less to complete? unbelievable.
Another thing, What is wrong with us human beings these days? I mean some people were actually laughing hysterically during the film, and I thought of the film Idiocracy, where people find this kind of stuff funny.
I look forward to hating the next movie they are going to bring. I really do.
It was...I mean...I just don't know what I can say. Anyone with a soul
knows this "thing" is worthless.
If you like things you know getting hit by other things you may or may not know. Popular culture references that are often not even that timely. And production quality that is on par with community college theater. If all of that stuff is what makes a movie good for you, still, STILL, don't watch this. Because it fails at failure.
And a word to people who are into bad movie self-punishment. Just rent Troll 2, no one but the renter makes any money. And it doesn't give a false positive that someone watched this on purpose.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
It seems that this type of movie died after the Wayans brothers stopped
making the Scary Movies. Those movies were funny and didn't try to
squash 20 movies in that didn't fit or relate. Scary Movie 1 was about
Scream and Scary movie 2 was about House on Hunted Hill. These other
movies could have been good if done right but these ( Date Movie, Epic
Movie, Meet The Spartans, Superhero Movie, and Disaster Movie ) were
poorly executed, lazy, poorly written, and off topic.
Distaster Movie could have been good if base off and idea in the genre like Twister,Cloverfield, or Day After Tomarrow. Also if it actually had funny and talented actors and writers.
This movie only had one moment that made me laugh out loud just because I wasn't expecting it. That one moment was very brief as it was followed by Chucky Cheese like animatronic Chipmunks that ruined my one moment of joy in this cluster f of pop culture regurgitation that had no business being in the movie.
I can't believe I paid to see this crap! After the movie I felt embarrassed and cheated.
This movie was a real disaster. I can't remember the last time I've been so disappointed to point of wanting a refund.Be warned,save your money. You may just want to wait until this movies airs on TV. I wouldn't recommend DVD either. A complete waste of money. You would think when they watched the finished project, that they realized then, we can't release this, it will not do well. I have no doubt this movie want be in theaters long. The local theater here is know for pulling movies that do not sale within the first three days of showing. The comedy in this movie was not good,it made no sense what so ever. The acting in some cases were very poorly executed.
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