Billy Beane: It's hard not to be romantic about baseball. This kind of thing, it's fun for the fans. It sells tickets and hot dogs. Doesn't mean anything.
Peter Brand: Billy, we just won twenty games in a row.
Billy Beane: And what's the point?
Peter Brand: We just got the record.
Billy Beane: Man, I've been doing this for... listen, man. I've been in this game a long time. I'm not in it for a record, I'll tell you that. I'm not in it for a ring. That's when people get hurt. If we don't win the last game of the Series, they'll dismiss us.
Peter Brand: Billy...
Billy Beane: I know these guys. I know the way they think, and they will erase us. And everything we've done here, none of it'll matter. Any other team wins the World Series, good for them. They're drinking champagne, they get a ring. But if we win, on our budget, with this team... we'll have changed the game. And that's what I want. I want it to mean something.
Peter Brand: The Visalia Oaks and our 240 lb catcher Jeremy Brown, who as you know, scared to run to second base. This was in a game six weeks ago. This guy is going to start him off with a fastball. Jeremy's going to take him to deep center. Here's what's really interesting, because Jeremy's gonna do what he never does. He's gonna go for it. He's gonna around first and he's gonna go for it. Okay?
[On the video, Jeremy trips and falls over first base]
Peter Brand: This is all Jeremy's nightmares coming to life.
Billy Beane: Awwww, they're laughing at him.
Peter Brand: And Jeremy's about to find out why. Jeremy's about to realize that the ball went 60 feet over the fence. He hit a home run and didn't even realize it.
Billy Beane: Would you rather get one shot in the head or five in the chest and bleed to death?
Peter Brand: Are those my only two options?
Peter Brand: I wanted you to see these player evaluations that you asked me to do.
Billy Beane: I asked you to do three.
Peter Brand: Yeah.
Billy Beane: To evaluate three players.
Peter Brand: Yeah.
Billy Beane: How many you'd do?
Peter Brand: Forty-seven.
Billy Beane: Okay.
Peter Brand: Actually, fifty-one. I don't know why I lied just then.
Billy Beane: You get on base, we win. You don't, we lose. And I *hate* losing, Chavy. I *hate* it. I hate losing more than I even wanna win.
Billy Beane: When your enemy's making mistakes, don't interrupt him.
Scott Hatteberg: [Responding to being asked to play first base for the Oakland A's] I've only ever played catcher.
Billy Beane: It's not that hard, Scott. Tell him, Wash.
Ron Washington: It's incredibly hard.
Scout Barry: We're all told at some point in time that we can no longer play the children's game, we just don't... don't know when that's gonna be. Some of us are told at eighteen, some of us are told at forty, but we're all told.
Billy Beane: How can you not get romantic about baseball?
John Henry: For forty-one million, you built a playoff team. You lost Damon, Giambi, Isringhausen, Pena and you won more games without them than you did with them. You won the exact same number of games that the Yankees won, but the Yankees spent one point four million per win and you paid two hundred and sixty thousand. I know you've taken it in the teeth out there, but the first guy through the wall. It always gets bloody, always. It's the threat of not just the way of doing business, but in their minds it's threatening the game. But really what it's threatening is their livelihoods, it's threatening their jobs, it's threatening the way that they do things. And every time that happens, whether it's the government or a way of doing business or whatever it is, the people are holding the reins, have their hands on the switch. They go bat shit crazy. I mean, anybody who's not building a team right and rebuilding it using your model, they're dinosaurs. They'll be sitting on their ass on the sofa in October, watching the Boston Red Sox win the World Series.
[after an argument about Billy's statistical approach to baseball instead of trusting his scouts]
Billy Beane: I'm not gonna fire you, Grady.
Grady Fuson: Fuck you, Billy.
Billy Beane: Now I will.
Billy Beane: I pay you to get on first, not get thrown out at second.
Peter Brand: There is an epidemic failure within the game to understand what is really happening. And this leads people who run Major League Baseball teams to misjudge their players and mismanage their teams. I apologize.
Billy Beane: Go on.
Peter Brand: Okay. People who run ball clubs, they think in terms of buying players. Your goal shouldn't be to buy players, your goal should be to buy wins. And in order to buy wins, you need to buy runs. You're trying to replace Johnny Damon. The Boston Red Sox see Johnny Damon and they see a star who's worth seven and half million dollars a year. When I see Johnny Damon, what I see is... is... an imperfect understanding of where runs come from. The guy's got a great glove. He's a decent leadoff hitter. He can steal bases. But is he worth the seven and half million dollars a year that the Boston Red Sox are paying him? No. No. Baseball thinking is medieval. They are asking all the wrong questions. And if I say it to anybody, I'm-I'm ostracized. I'm-I'm-I'm a leper. So that's why I'm-I'm cagey about this with you. That's why I... I respect you, Mr. Beane, and if you want full disclosure, I think it's a good thing that you got Damon off your payroll. I think it opens up all kinds of interesting possibilities.
Peter Brand: [Sleeping. His phone rings, waking him up] Hello?
Billy Beane: Pete? It's Billy Beane.
Peter Brand: Wh-what time is it?
Billy Beane: I don't know. Pete, would you have drafted me in the first round?
Peter Brand: What?
Billy Beane: After we talked, you looked me up. Would you have drafted me in the first round?
Peter Brand: Yeah, I did. You-you were pretty good.
Billy Beane: Cut the crap, Pete. Would you have drafted me in the first round?
Peter Brand: I would have picked you in the 9th round. No signing bonus. I think that would have convinced you to accept that scholarship.
Billy Beane: Pack your bags, Pete. I just bought you from the Cleveland Indians.
Billy Beane: Guys, you're just talking. Talking, "la-la-la-la", like this is business as usual. It's not.
Grady Fuson: We're trying to solve the problem here, Billy.
Billy Beane: Not like this you're not. You're not even looking at the problem.
Grady Fuson: We're very aware of the problem. I mean...
Billy Beane: Okay, good. What's the problem?
Grady Fuson: Look, Billy, we all understand what the problem is. We have to...
Billy Beane: Okay, good. What's the problem?
Grady Fuson: The problem is we have to replace three key players in our lineup.
Billy Beane: Nope. What's the problem?
Pittaro: Same as it's ever been. We've gotta replace these guys with what we have existing.
Billy Beane: Nope. What's the problem, Barry?
Scout Barry: We need 38 home runs, 120 RBIs and 47 doubles to replace.
Billy Beane: Ehh!
Billy Beane: The problem we're trying to solve is that there are rich teams and there are poor teams. Then there's fifty feet of crap, and then there's us. It's an unfair game. And now we've been gutted. We're like organ donors for the rich. Boston's taken our kidneys, Yankees have taken our heart. And you guys just sit around talking the same old "good body" nonsense like we're selling jeans. Like we're looking for Fabio. We've got to think differently. We are the last dog at the bowl. You see what happens to the runt of the litter? He dies.
Peter Brand: Billy, this is Chad Bradford. He's a relief pitcher. He is one of the most undervalued players in baseball. His defect is that he throws funny. Nobody in the big leagues cares about him, because he looks funny. This guy could be not just the best pitcher in our bullpen, but one of the most effective relief pitchers in all of baseball. This guy should cost $3 million a year. We can get him for $237,000.
David Justice: Scotty H.
Scott Hatteberg: Yo, what's up, D.J.?
David Justice: Pickin' machine.
David Justice: How you likin' first base, man?
Scott Hatteberg: It's, uh... it's coming along. Picking it up. You know, tough transition, but I'm starting to feel better with it.
David Justice: Yeah?
Scott Hatteberg: Yeah.
David Justice: What's your biggest fear?
Scott Hatteberg: A baseball being hit in my general direction
[Hatteberg and Justice share a laugh]
David Justice: That's funny. Seriously, what is it?
Scott Hatteberg: No, seriously, that is.
[uncomfortable pause; Hatteberg leaves]
David Justice: Well, hey, good luck with that.
Billy Beane: [Suggesting a player for first base] Scott Hatteberg.
Scout Barry: Who?
Billy Beane: Exactly. The guy sounds like an Oakland A already.
Billy Beane: If you lose the last game of the season, nobody gives a shit.
Billy Beane: You're doing it again.
Casey Beane: What?
Billy Beane: You're worrying about me.
Casey Beane: You're in last place dad.
Billy Beane: Do I look worried?
Casey Beane: Yeah.
Billy Beane: Cause you're getting on an airplane. Those things crash all the time. Please stop worrying about your dad.
Billy Beane: We want you to play 1st base for the Oakland A's.
Scott Hatteberg: OK, well, I've only ever played catcher.
Billy Beane: Scott, you're not a catcher any more. If you were our call wouldn't be the only one you got when your contract expired.
Scott Hatteberg: Yeah, hey, listen, no I, I appreciate it.
Billy Beane: You're welcome.
Scott Hatteberg: But the thing, thing is is that...
Billy Beane: You don't know how to play 1st base. Scott...
Scott Hatteberg: That's right.
Billy Beane: It's not that hard, Scott. Tell him Wash.
Ron Washington: It's incredibly hard.
Billy Beane: Hey, anything worth doing is. And we're gonna teach you.
[Billy's scouts are dismissive of Scott Hatteberg because he walks a lot]
Billy Beane: He gets on base a lot. Do I care if it's a walk or a hit?
Billy Beane: [having declined a $12.5 million offer to GM the Red Sox] I made one decision in my life based on money. And I swore I would never do it again.
Billy Beane: [during a meeting with his scouts] If we try to play like the Yankees in here, we will lose to the Yankees out there.
Billy Beane: Where you from, Pete?
Peter Brand: Maryland.
Billy Beane: Where'd you go to school?
Peter Brand: Yale. I went to Yale.
Billy Beane: What'd you study?
Peter Brand: Economics. I studied economics.
Billy Beane: Yale, economics, and baseball. You're funny, Pete.
Billy Beane: [approaching Brand after a meeting with the Cleveland Indians] Hey.
Peter Brand: Hello.
Billy Beane: Who are you?
Peter Brand: I'm Peter Brand.
Billy Beane: What do you do?
Peter Brand: I'm special assistant to Mark Shapiro.
Billy Beane: So, what do you do?
Peter Brand: Mostly player analysis right now.
Billy Beane: Been on the job long? First job in baseball?
Peter Brand: It's my first job anywhere.
Billy Beane: Wow, congrats.
Peter Brand: Thanks.
Billy Beane: First job. Whose nephew are you? Why does Mark listen to you?
Peter Brand: [stammering] I don't think, uh... I don't think he does very often.
Billy Beane: He just did.
Peter Brand: Well, in that circumstance, I think he was more listening to Bruce than myself.
Billy Beane: Mm-hmm. Who are you?
Peter Brand: I'm Peter Brand.
Billy Beane: I don't give a rat's ass what your name is. What happened in there? What happened in that room?
Peter Brand: I'm not quite sure what you're asking me, Mr. Beane.
Billy Beane: What did you tell Bruce?
Peter Brand: I just told Bruce I like Garcia.
Billy Beane: You like Garcia. Why? Why?
Peter Brand: [looking around nervously] I don't know.
Peter Brand: It's about getting things down to one number. Using the stats the way we read them, we'll find value in players that no one else can see. People are overlooked for a variety of biased reasons and perceived flaws. Age, appearance, personality. Bill James and mathematics cut straight through that. Billy, of the 20,000 notable players for us to consider, I believe that there is a championship team of twenty-five people that we can afford, because everyone else in baseball undervalues them.
Billy Beane: Art, you got a minute?
Art Howe: Yeah. Take a seat.
Billy Beane: You can't start Peña at first tonight. You'll have to start Hatteberg.
Art Howe: Yeah, I don't want to go fifteen rounds, Billy. The lineup card is mine, and that's all.
Billy Beane: That lineup card is definitely yours. I'm just saying you can't start Peña at first.
Billy Beane: Well, I am starting him at first.
Billy Beane: I don't think so. He plays for Detroit now.
Art Howe: You *traded* Peña?
Billy Beane: Yeah. And Menechino, Hiljus, Tam are all being sent down.
Art Howe: You are outside your mind.
Billy Beane: Yeah. Cuckoo.
Jeremy Giambi: [knocking on door] You wanted to see me?
Billy Beane: Yeah, Jeremy, grab a seat.
[Jeremy sits down]
Billy Beane: Jeremy, you've been traded to the Phillies. This is Ed Wade's number. He's a good guy, he's the GM. He's expecting your call. Buddy will help you with the plane flight. You're a good ballplayer, Jeremy, and we wish you the best.
[Jeremy sighs, and exits]
Billy Beane: Jeremy's gone, too.
Art Howe: [shaking his head in disbelief] You're killing this team.
David Justice: Why doesn't your boss travel with the team?
Peter Brand: He doesn't like to... mingle with the players.
David Justice: Is that supposed to make us easier to cut?
Billy Beane: I want Dye in right, Justice DHing, Peña on the bench, Hatteberg at first, and anyone but Mags first out of the pen.
Art Howe: You want Peña on the bench?
Billy Beane: That's right. So you can play Hatty.
Art Howe: Peña is not only the best first baseman on the roster, he's the only first baseman on the roster.
Billy Beane: Listen to me, Hatty gets on base more than Peña. In fact, twenty percent more.
Art Howe: And his fielding?
Billy Beane: His fielding does not matter.
Art Howe: I've heard enough of this.
Billy Beane: Have you?
Art Howe: And I, uh... I disagree with you, plain and simple. And moreover, I'm playing my team in a way that I can explain in job interviews next winter.
Miguel Tejada: [Justice tries to get a soda out of a soda machine, nothing comes out] That costs a dollar, man.
David Justice: What?
Miguel Tejada: Welcome to Oakland, D.J.
Peter Brand: [sportscasters are crediting Art Howe for the A's dramatic turnaround] Did you hear that?
Billy Beane: All I heard was "seven in a row".
Billy Beane: [after the Opening Day ceremony] I'm going in. Text me the play by play.
Peter Brand: What? Why?
Billy Beane: [as if it's obvious] I don't watch the games.
Grady Fuson: Artie, who do you like?
Art Howe: I like Perez. He's got a classy swing, its a real clean stroke.
Scout Barry: He can't hit a curve ball.
Art Howe: Yea, there's some work to be done, I'll admit that.
Scout Barry: Yea there is.
Art Howe: But he is noticeable.
Matt Keough: And an ugly girlfriend.
Scout Barry: What does that mean?
Matt Keough: Ugly girlfriend means no confidence.
Scout Barry: OK.
Billy Beane: [Puts head into hands out of frustration with the conversation]
John Poloni: Now you guys are full of it. Artie's right. This guy's got an attitude and an attitude is good. I mean it's the kind of guy who walks into a room and his dick has already been there for two minutes.
Phil Pote: He passes the eye candy test. He's got the looks. He's great at playing the part. He just needs to get some playing time.
Matt Keough: I'm just saying his girlfriend is a 6 at best.
Peter Brand: It's about getting things down to one number. Using stats to reread them, we'll find the value of players that nobody else can see. People are over looked for a variety of biased reasons and perceived flaws. Age, appearance, personality. Bill James and mathematics cuts straight through that. Billy, of the twenty thousand knowable players for us to consider, I believe that there is a championship team of twenty five people that we can afford. Because everyone else in baseball under values them. Like an island of misfit toys.