Last Vegas (2013)
Archie: Boy these vodka Red Bulls are strange. I feel like I'm getting drunk and electrocuted at the same time! The music, it's loud! It's like everything sounds alike, like they're playing the same song over and over and over again. I probably should get up and dance but I'm used to having a partner. It doesn't seem to matter to that fella. Maybe I'll give it a shot. Maybe not. I hope they play something different. Maybe now.
Sam: The thing is... It's crazy, but whenever something spectacular happens to me, the first thing I want to do is tell my wife about it. And, after 40 years of marriage, if I can't tell her about something wonderful that happened to me, it sort of stops being wonderful.
Billy: I'm getting married.
Archie: To that young lady who's half your age?
Billy: She's almost 32.
Archie: Billy, I have a hemorrhoid that's almost 32!
Billy: Look, Archie, by the time she's my age, okay, I'll be...
Archie: Dead. You'll be dead, Billy.
Billy: I'm old. You know? And without her, I'm just scared of being old.
Billy: We were 17, you now, five minutes ago. It was just yesterday. I just don't know where it all went, you know? My brain cannot conceive how old this body is.
Young Paddy: No one calls us names except for us.
Young Billy: This fight us gonna make us legends. Run!
Billy: Why every time the phone rings you think somebody is dying.
Sam: I live in Florida now, usually when the phone rings somebody IS dying.
Paddy: [Knock on the door] What? Go away, I got a bat.
Elizabeth: It's Elizabeth, your neighbour. I brought you soup.
Paddy: That's why I have the bat.
Dean: Please, sir. How can I make it up to you?
Paddy: Get us some ice waters. Maybe later we'll find you other stuff to do.
Sam: Yeah, maybe later Knuckles here will let you wash his balls!
Sam: [beat] Oooh. Sorry. That sounded weird, didn't it?
Dean: Four Ice Waters?
Paddy: [Paddy glares] GO!
Dean: Right away, sir.
[Dean has been led to believe the Flatbush Four are mafioso]
Dean: I'm very sorry, sir.
Paddy: Shut up, Dickhead! You think we give a shit about your sorries! Don't you know you're messing with Billy Bones, Archie Aces, Sammy the... the...
Sam: the Accountant!
Sam: Sammy the Stove! They call me that because I *cook the books*!
Archie: I'm gonna find some damn water and take all my damn pills and get this party started.
[Paddy just knocked Dean to the ground]
Paddy: NO ONE calls us names except US!
Paddy: If you think I'm leaving this apartment, you're dumber than that hat.
Sam: [to Dean] You breathe a WORD about us to the Feds, we will *hunt you down*!
[Archie nods, Paddy shakes a fist]
Billy: [making an announcement] On behalf of Binion's, I'd like to apologize for the delay in the show, but, um, I'm really interested in the performer. She's the most amazing woman I ever met. And I just can't believe in two days that she's, you know, inside my heart.
Billy: [whispering now to the audience] But I don't want her to know, because, you know, with gorgeous women, they like men that like to play hard-to-get.
Diana: You know, you are not as charming as you think you are.
Billy: Well, no one could be, quite frankly.
Dean: Hey, pal, if I want your opinion, I'll just beat it out of you, all right?
Sam: [after turning down a prostitute because he couldn't share the memory with his wife] You know, a blow job wouldn't be out of the question.
Sam: Paddy, you have got to come with us to Las Vegas!
Paddy: If you think I'm leavin' the apaartment, you're dumber than that hat.
Sam: [to an elderly woman next to him in the senior pool] Lookin' good,, Gloria. Oh, sorry - did I just step on your foot, or was that your breast?
Paddy: [to the girl across the hall] Find a man and stop bringin' me soup!
Sam: When you're from Brooklyn, getting involved isn't an option.