New Tricks (TV Series)

Mad Dogs (2008)

Alun Armstrong: Brian Lane

Quotes 

• Rod Erskine : I *knew* Eric.

  Gerry Standing : You don't mean biblically?

  Brian Lane : What, Eric was gay!

  Rod Erskine : He was when I finished with him. Sorry.

• [first lines] 

  Brian Lane : Crap. Absolute crap. You're a bloody disgrace. Three-nil to that shower. What a load of complete, five-star, total, bloody rubbish!

  Mark Lane : Dad, it was a friendly.

  Brian Lane : There's no such thing. You should never have lost. Never in a million years.

  Mark Lane : Against Spurs? We're non-league; they're ten divisions above us. What do you want to drink?

  Brian Lane : Nothing. I'll just eat me bloody orange.

• [last lines] 

  [Brian is drinking with two women] 

  Brian Lane : Now, who's for more Tia Maria?

  1st Young Woman : I shouldn't.

  Brian Lane : Oh come on. You know you'd like to; you know you want to, and I know deep down beneath that impressively upholstered and passionately seething bosom, you know you need to.

  1st Young Woman : Only a small one.

  Brian Lane : Oh,

  [looks down] 

  Brian Lane : don't be so personal. How about you? Is size everything in your compendium?

  1st Young Woman : You're mad, you are!

  Brian Lane : As a fish!

  [kisses both girls, then turns around to find his wife and son watching him]