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Lies & Illusions (2009) Poster

Quotes

Wes Wilson: I'll put in my next book. How does that sound?

Isaac: Like having my balls licked by a porcupine.

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Isaac: Where are my diamonds, Alicia? Maybe I didn't explain to you our retirement policy... there isn't one.

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Martin: I'm not asking you to stop thinking about her. I'm just saying every guy needs a little... huh?

Wes Wilson: I'm taking care of myself.

Martin: Sure you do. All right, I'm gonna go have a smoke and leave you with some people.

Wes Wilson: I thought you quit.

Martin: Ah, good health is only gonna keep me in bad marriage.

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Wes Wilson: [to an old lady] Good luck finding love in the 21st century.

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Wes Wilson: Hey, what the hell is this?

Isaac: Mr. Boone will accompany you inside.

Wes Wilson: Why?

Isaac: Insurance, Mr. Wilson.

Wes Wilson: The girl isn't enough?

Isaac: They rarely are.

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Boone: [to Wes] You know that book you wrote talking about gender roles and relationships? You know, the guy should cook for his wife once a week? Any recipes you recommend?

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Samantha: I'm only here to warn you.

Wes Wilson: But you're a little late.

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Wes Wilson: Cops. And I've got the murder weapon... perfect.

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Samantha: Nicole, how's the Bureau?

Nicole Williams: How does it feel to be alive?

Wes Wilson: You two know each other?

Samantha: She's been tracking me for years.

Nicole Williams: So, Wes, anything you wanna tell me?

Wes Wilson: Me? Who the hell are you?

Samantha: She's a fed.

Wes Wilson: Wait, wait a sec. You both are in on this? I don't believe it.

Samantha: I told you. She wants the diamonds.

Nicole Williams: No, we want the list.

Wes Wilson: I've cared about 2 women in my life and they've both lied to me. Not little white lies, but big, huge get-me-killed kind of lies.

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Wes Wilson: Hey, please don't put me in this trunk. Please. Come on. I'm claustrophobic.

Boone: I don't care what kind of disease you have.

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Samantha: Where are you?

Wes Wilson: Sam. Sam! Sam! I'm in the trunk of a car!

Samantha: Well, what are you doing there?

Wes Wilson: Oh, this is my thing. It's what I do. I'm just relaxing.

Samantha: Where are they taking you?

Wes Wilson: They failed to mention that before they threw me in here.

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Samantha: What happened? Are you okay?

Wes Wilson: We just hit a bump. Major pothole. Drive a little safer, would you? Jackass!

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Samantha: Wes, if I hadn't died that night, we would both be dead right now.

Wes Wilson: Oh, what? So you're gonna say you did all this shit for me? Thanks a lot.

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Boone: No ear?

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Isaac: I know my diamonds are nearby. Shall we go get them? And no, that is not a question.

Samantha: I need him to get the package.

Isaac: [whispers] So many problems and distractions.

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Wes Wilson: I can't believe I signed a book for this guy.

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Boone: I couldn't help but overhear you guys talking. I understand you're an agent?

Martin: That's right.

Boone: I got this idea for a book. It's a cookbook with recipes for couples in trouble.

Martin: Who else knows about this?

Boone: Nobody. Well, a few, but they're not around anymore.

Martin: Let's keep it that way. Martin Rivera. Nice to meet ya.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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