- [Hank enters Corner Gas wearing sunglasses]
- Wanda Dollard: Ladies and gentlemen: Ray Charles.
- Hank Yarbo: Where?
- Brent Leroy: Don't play any of your crazy boogie woogie music in here, Mr. Cool.
- Hank Yarbo: I'm not wearing these to be cool. There's something wrong with my eye, all puffy and itchy. It hurts to look at the sun. I think it might be time to get glasses.
- Wanda Dollard: Looks like you have conjunctivitis.
- Hank Yarbo: What? Oh, man! How long have I got?
- Wanda Dollard: I wish. It's just pinkeye.
- Brent Leroy: Just pinkeye? That's like saying it's just... just... all right, it's just pinkeye, but still, Hank, get out!
- [Hank and Brent kick Wanda, who has caught pinkeye from Hank, out of Corner Gas]
- Hank Yarbo: Maybe I was too tough on her. I too was once like her.
- Brent Leroy: Short and angry?
- Wanda Dollard: [yelling from outside] Hey, Yarbo! I'm coming back for you!
- [she points at her pinkeye]
- Wanda Dollard: You made me like this! I'll be back... for *YOU*!
- Brent Leroy: Short and creepy?
- Wanda Dollard: [to Brent, who is cleaning Corner Gas] You missed a spot.
- Brent Leroy: How'd you get in here?
- Wanda Dollard: Through the Ruby. Duh!
- Brent Leroy: Hank! Wanda's breached the perimeter!
- Hank Yarbo: What? How?
- Brent Leroy: Through the Ruby. Duh!
- [Lacey enters from the Ruby Café]
- Lacey Burrows: Sorry! She got past me!
- Wanda Dollard: That's right! I said I'd be back! You can't stop my pinkeye revenge!
- [she spreads her pinkeye germs over the Corner Gas counter]
- Wanda Dollard: Go, my pets! Spread your pink path as I have commanded you!
- Brent Leroy: Yeesh. A little dramatic.
- Wanda Dollard: Oh, and "breached the perimeter's" your everyday lingo?
- [Brent lies about swimming in Moose Jaw to explain his pink-coloured eye]
- Hank Yarbo: You went all the way to Moose Jaw just to swim? I wish *I* was that motivated.
- Wanda Dollard: [to Brent] Yeah, right! Motivated to spread your filthy, disgusting eye goo!
- [to Hank]
- Wanda Dollard: He's got pink eye!
- Hank Yarbo: [to Brent] Really? Didn't the chlorine help out with your pink eye?
- [Wanda grabs the broom and forces Brent out of Corner Gas]
- Wanda Dollard: GET OUT, YOU CONTAGIOUS *FREAK*!
- Brent Leroy: *ME!* You were spreading your plague all over the place! I probably *got this* from you!
- Wanda Dollard: YOU'RE *WELCOME*!
- [Brent has successfully driven Wanda and Hank out of Corner Gas]
- Brent Leroy: [boastful] I claim this gas station in the name of PINK EYE!
- Wanda Dollard: [to Brent] Okay. Well, the fridge needs to be re-stocked and the toilet's busted.
- Hank Yarbo: [to Wanda] Wanna go get a beer?
- Wanda Dollard: [to Hank] Sure.
- Brent Leroy: [after Hank and Wanda leave] Didn't really think that one through.
- [Lacey has gotten wise to Oscar's counterfeiting scheme]
- Lacey Burrows: Your money's got a hairy crack on it!
- [Wanda, who has pinkeye, has been driven out of Corner Gas for a second time]
- Brent Leroy: And STAY OUT!
- Wanda Dollard: Oh, this isn't over. We'll be back.
- Hank Yarbo: We?
- Wanda Dollard: Me... AND MY *PINK EYE*!
- Oscar Leroy: [at the Ruby Café] I need three more of these Dog River Dollars.
- Lacey Burrows: Well, I can't just give them to you. You have to buy something first.
- Oscar Leroy: I'm trying to buy a stupid chip stick.
- Lacey Burrows: Oh, you mean a chip clip! Those things are great! And you know what? You don't have to use them for just chips. Broken Ziploc bag? Chip clip it! Cookie bag? Chip clip it! Open bread?
- Oscar Leroy: I get it. Just give me the Dog River Dollars so I can buy whatever the hell you're talking about.
- [Cops Karen and Davis swing their handcuffs around their fingers]
- Davis Quinton: What are you doing?
- Karen Pelly: What?
- Davis Quinton: Karen, swinging handcuffs is my thing. It's what I'm known for.
- Karen Pelly: Really? I thought you were known for copying my food orders.
- Davis Quinton: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
- Karen Pelly: Yeah? Well, imitate this: "Meh, meh, meh! I'm Davis and I can't order my own food!"
- Davis Quinton: That's not very flattering.
- Karen Pelly: But it's sincere.
- [on having pink eye]
- Hank Yarbo: Doctor gave me these eye drops. Supposed to clear it up pretty quick.
- [he squirts the eye drops into his orange juice]
- Hank Yarbo: Tastes awful though.