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I only went to see this film because it was on at a convenient time, but boy do I wish I never bothered. It was...dreadful. It calls itself a comedy? In a reasonable sized screening I didn't hear one person actually laugh, the odd titter - that was it. What resounded was the awkwardness everyone felt watching this 'comedy' just fail in every way. We were all sat there in horror as joke after joke fell flat on its face. Mind you, so unbelievably bad as it was, it was spell-binding in its awkwardness. I think Emily Blunt generally is a great actress, but she does not have comic timing. You'd think Jason Segel couldn't go wrong, but even he couldn't pull off the "jokes" that this film was rammed with. I would literally rather pull my own fingernails off than have to watch this painfully misguided comedy again. Who on earth wrote that script? Give it up before you butcher any more actors' reputations.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I tried to make a list of movies which I laughed at less than
Universal's newest release, "The Five-Year Engagement," and could only
think of two: "Observe and Report" and "The Passion Of the Christ."
Films I found much funnier include, "The Love Guru," "Duece Bigalow: American Gigalo," "All About Steve" and "Platoon." That does not surprise, however, since this picture was directed by Nicholas Stoller (who has helmed two of the worst "comedies" of all-time, "Get Him To the Greek" and "Forgetting Sarah Marshall").
With a cast that features Jason Segel ("The Muppets," "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," "How I Met Your Mother" TV series, who also co-wrote with Stoller), Emily Blunt ("Salmon Fishing In the Yemen," "The Devil Wears Prada"), Chris Pratt ("Moneyball," "Parks and Recreation" TV series), Alison Brie ("Scream 4," "Mad Men" TV series) and David Paymer ("Quiz Show," an Academy Award nominee for "Mr. Saturday Night"), there is - sadly - not one funny moment or humorous situation.
And, at two-plus hours, this monstrosity drags like a bloated beached grey whale, with no pacing, direction or intriguing plot line to hold any interest whatsoever.
The story has sous chef, Tom Solomon (Segel), meeting Violet Barnes (Blunt) at a "super hero" costume party in San Francisco. He's a pink bunny and she's Princess Diana (for SOME reason). A year later, he proposes, but a series of contrived events take place to postpone the nuptials.
She then gets a job in the psychology department at the University of Michigan, so he gives up his job to travel to Ann Arbor with her. While there, she meets another group of depressing, humor-impaired colleagues, including Kevin Hart ("Fool's Gold" - notice the pattern here of these actors appearing in terrible comedies?), Mindy Kaling ("The Office" TV series) and Randall Park ("Larry Crowne").
Meanwhile, he struggles to find work, finally getting a job making sandwiches at a greasy spoon diner. As she rises in the eyes of her professor, the irritating Brit Winton Childs (Rhys Ifans, "Nanny McPhee Returns" *sigh*), Tom turns into Grizzly Adams, growing a ridiculous beard, making his own mead and killing his own food.
The film then lurches from "cerebreal" comedy to a romantic drama as the two fall out, have short flings with other people (Tom is smeared with potato salad and nearly raped by a co-worker) and separate.
Then just as quickly, the movies introduces some wild slapstick in which Violet gets shot with an arrow and slammed with a car door; while Tom wanders out on a freezing night, suffers frostbite and loses a toe (this is supposed to be laugh-inducing?!). Other "hilarious" moments in this enterprise are supposed to be the funerals of various grandparents who died waiting for this marriage to take place. Pardon my belly laughs.
While Violet moves in with Winton, Tom begins dating a younger woman who seems to be insatiable in bed. In fact, the soft-core porn scenes here are so monotonous (showing intercourse from ever possible angle while she screams, "Faster Tom, faster!") that the sex becomes unbelievably annoying and makes one wish for the passion and lucidity of a 1970s porno flick.
What will happen to the star-crossed lovers? If you're like me, you will not care one bit, since all they seem to do is bicker and have absolutely no chemistry, anyway. There also is not one likable or even redeeming character here.
Even Tom's best friend, Alex (Pratt), and Violet's sister, Suzi (Brie), who hook up after she is impregnated on a one-night stand, are so shallow and badly-written as to induce a malaise of immense proportion.
And Segel, who helped bring the Muppets back to the big screen (an effort I have praised), is the worst culprit of all, as his Tom is basically one of the biggest jerks in recent comedy history, yet despite his aggressive repulsiveness, Violet cries (several times during the proceedings), "I love you, so much, I love you so much."
Love is an emotion few will feel about "The Five-Year Engagement," which is about the length of time one will believe they have actually spent watching this claptrap.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
This movie is strickly a 'by the numbers' date movie, the only problem
is a lack of comedy. Considering the cast, it should have had some
moments, but the lack of any real funny gags, or joke is surprising.
The only thing I can think of is they cut out a lot to avoid a NC-17
rating, so it might be interesting to eventually see an unrated
version, but I doubt the result would change things that much. I would
consider this movie more of a drama than a comedy, because it deals
with the reality of moving from one city to another, and the fact that
you may think you have a career, it all really depends on the time and
place. If they marketed the movie as a drama, I would have not expected
to be amused, but the whole campaign is centred around the laughs
surrounding an engagement, but there is nothing funny about frostbite,
and amputation of body parts. It is starting to look like Jason Segal
isn't as funny as everyone thought, and as he gets older, he will be
less and less funny, who really wants to watch someone in their 40s act
like a teenager, because he is funny now, sometimes, doing that kind of
comedy, but this movie demonstrates that is the only comedy he is
successful at. The supporting cast was the only interesting part of the
plot, and where the movie worked, and the only reason this movie gets a
very generous one star out of ten.
If you have $20 you want to waste, find a casino, or some scratch and win tickets, you WILL have a better time with either one, as opposed to this flop.
The first minutes of this movie seemed promising, but it quickly sank
into a horrible, slow paced film where nothing seemed important. The
length of this movie is just silly, I love slow movies and sat through
this movie longer than I would have anyway because I liked that it was
a different pacing than most Hollywood flicks. But by half way through
I realised that this pacing does not work for this film, because there
is not enough happening to keep us interested through the slow points.
The characters are not highly complex, the drama isn't compelling, and
neither is their relationship or any of the relationships around them.
I feel as though half of this film should have been left on the cutting room floor, a very poor job in editing as well as script editing. This seems to me as a first draft. I loved forgetting Sarah Marshall, and feel as though the producers probably rushed the script of 'The Five Year Engagement' into production before it was developed. So what we are left with is a very slow, very boring, and sometimes plain laughable movie.
I never walk out on movies, and I walked out on this one because I felt the horror couldn't go on any longer - and surely it would come to an end soon, only to realise there was another hour to go. A really poor movie.
I am always leery of actors who want to take more control of their
careers by either writing, directing or producing movies. It is
painfully obvious Jason Segel is more suited to be given lines and
directed than to try to write his own scripts. This fell into the same
category as American Pie and had the same mean spiritedness as The
Breakup." It was just a train wreck from jump street.
What I also found offensive was the buffoonery of the supporting cast. He is supposed to be some up and coming chef working in a high end restaurant in San Francisco where is co-worker, mind you simulates masturbation with a carrot replete with a facial money shot in an exhibition kitchen. How do you spell FAIL? His chef is depicted as some crazy lesbian who is nothing but unhinged and the whole thing was frustrating to watch since I've been in the industry for over 25 years.
They depict these two as great communicators deeply in love but for the life of them cannot work out their futures together and as stereotypes in Hollywood go, Segel then proceeds to fall completely apart now becoming a rabid hunter coupled with really bad ironic facial hair. We almost turned this horrid thing off it weren't for the voyeur in us try to see the movie could get any worse. It did. The two scenes Segel actually uses the knife is to basically butcher the living hell out of onions. Ugh.
Laughs were to a minimum and crass and unrealistic gags were never ending. I didn't buy the genuine connection between the two that the writers were trying to create and frankly,I want my $5.99 back from Comcast. What a complete waste of money.
These are just in the first 30 minutes of this piece of crap.
1. There's the "this Korean, that Korean" in buddy's engagement party song 2. What's with the inexplicably mute father's Asian girlfriend? 3. Why does the Asian guy at Michigan have the phoniest accent? 4. There's the Indian guy at restaurant he's applying for, from 40 year old Virgin, who I guess is funny, because he says "fuck" with a Jamaican accent.
Stopped watching this crap after 30 minutes. This is why Hollywood sucks. There are too many white, Jewish guys who have their yarmulkes so far up their privileged Lilly asses, they don't know what the world is really like.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Wife and I watched this movie with high expectations because of Jason
Segeland his previous work. 124 minutes later neither one of us had
cracked so much as smile, she was utterly offended while I was less so
as I've come to expect this dreck from the formulaic romantic
"comedies" that are marketed towards women.
Unique only in the level of outright disdain that Hollywood holds for men that is on exhibit here, it is so thick it practically drips off the screen. Every male character, and I mean EVERY one, is a caricature of one type or another of men as slacked jawed, mouth breathing imbeciles who might likely forget to breath or constantly soil themselves were it not for the highly intelligent, wise beyond their years, always sexy and dynamic no matter what women whose lives are limited because of them.
Spoilers Begin HERE: Pretty standard fare now from Hollywood in which the never ending indignation heaped upon one particularly dim-witted male by his manipulative but clearly superior romantic interest is somehow intended to somehow be funny.
In this version one particular clod, played by Jason Segel, is made to look like the bad guy once again because despite his best groveling, boot licking and subservience to his fiancé, up to and including giving up his promising career in San Francisco and putting his entire life and their plans on hold in order to follow her like a love sick puppy to Michigan so she can pursue her post graduate work - the underlying implication that everyone knows academia is so much more inherently worthy than any other career one might choose its a given he would do this strikes one like a sledgehammer - he has the unmitigated gall to react badly when she oh so nobly reveals her recent indiscretion to him with her department head and mentor. Shame on him and how dare he try to shackle her sexuality or some similar clap trap they like to spout in LA these days.
The course of this film is so utterly predictable that no sooner had Rhys Ifans' character been introduced my wife declared "oh well I guess we know who she's hooking up with already." Not to worry though despite having shattered Segel's life in multiple ways and after having spent several sleeping her way into a highly coveted job but not realizing it because she's so innocent and clearly entitled to the job Emily Blunt has "earned" she will ultimately rescue Jason from the clutches of a 23 year old bombshell and their empty, obviously meaningless relationship. But hey, that is after all how how real life works and we all know that every man is just waiting to have the constant affection and physical attention of a younger beautiful woman replaced by the stiletto heal, lash and leash held by the hand of the much less attractive but clearly more introspective and deep academic. *pfffth* I'm sorry but I'm laughing as I type this. Not because anything in the film but because I do realize this is how Hollywood view the world. Of course their reunion won't come because she realizes she made the mistake and did her ex-wrong, of course not she perfect so that's not possible. No it only happens after her mentor is revealed to be just another sex crazed power hungry male who ends up telling her she's easily replaced by the next class of groupies and Jason Realizes how badly he needs the presence of his former emotional dominatrix in his life in order to be complete and runs of to purse her.
I'm probably repeating myself having commented on other equally appalling, anti-male films of the "romantic comedy" genre, but if you laugh at any point in this movie or found it the least be redeeming, you should probably seek our professional help to get to the bottom of your deep seated hostility toward men.
first review, and usually don't offer up my opinion like this, but this
movie was a combination of lame screen-writing, a boring story, and
constant bashing of my hometown.
the movie's length was interminable, but not as bad as the single woman sitting in 2 rows in front of me, incessantly laughing by herself at every non-funny joke.
the ending was cute, but by 2 hours i was hoping the romance would end poorly.
I'm looking forward to my next review of a movie i actually....enjoyed.
if anyone was interested in moving to Ann arbor, seeing this movie would ablate any consideration. please...this movie misrepresents everything about the city...couldn't find a better place to settle, raise a family and live in a vibrant urban area than Ann arbor..
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
If I could rate this a zero, I would. Meanwhile I'll say this: if you are a young parent with kids who can't get a sitter, don't even THINK of bringing young children into this film! This is considered a romantic COMEDY? Ridiculous! It's a raunchy comedy, but any respect for the sanctity of marriage is completely thrown by the wayside here. Scenes showing male depression, a professor hitting on a student, people of Asian descent (as well as elderly parents) using the "f" word on each other, black racial stereotypes, the state of Michigan portrayed the worst it's ever been, frostbite injury seen as humorous (it is not), someone getting shot with an arrow, children watching their mother and aunt cursing right in front of them while imitating childhood TV characters, a woman demeaning a man's sexuality, all of this is just totally unfunny. I'm only 52 but as I watched this I felt very sad that the audience in my theater just laughed at every dysfunctional, pathetic joke. Is this what the idea of marriage has fallen to amongst people in their 20s and 30s? I also found myself wondering how long it would be until this excuse for a movie ended, finally walking out - couldn't take any more. Has our society fallen this far? I thank God that I am naive to this kind of trash! I will never watch another movie starring Jason Segal, and that includes "How I Met Your Mother" as well.
The Five-Year Engagement sees Jason Segel continuing to try and cement
his place as one of Hollywood's greatest comedy actors following The
Muppets and Jeff Who Lives At Home with the help of writing partner
Nicholas Stoller. Segel's latest offering comes in the form of a
romantic comedy when exactly a year after meeting Tom (Segel) proposes
to his girlfriend Violet (Emily Blunt) but unexpected events keep on
getting in their way as they attempt to tie the knot with one another.
With most films of this genre you get the same thing over and over again: boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl split up, boy and girl get back together and live happily ever after. In The Five-Year Engagement what you get is an in depth look at the ins and outs of a stable relationship as it journeys through the ups and downs of life. I think that this is a great idea and shows that relationships don't always run smoothly as plenty of other films would have you believe. I also believe that The Five-Year Engagement separates itself from other comedies aimed at an adult audience by being cleverer and, although we do get to see Jason Segel's rear end on more than one occasion, a lot of the comedy is very well written and obviously well put together.
There is clear chemistry between the two leads of the film, Jason Segel and Emily Blunt which is obviously helped by their off screen friendship and the fact that the two of them have worked together previously. Segel puts in a great performance but I don't think that we ever get to see the best of him like we have seen in The Muppets and television sitcom How I Met Your Mother. He is a very fine comedic actor though and brings out some good laughs here; I'm not a fan of Emily Blunt too much and at times her comedy efforts seemed a little forced. Also, her accent seems overly British even though it's authentic, how weird is that? The Five-Year Engagement starts off very well with some hilarious moments and really sets you up for what should be a laugh a minute film from start to finish. A lot of this is the emphasis put on the characters of Tom's colleague and friend Alex (Chris Pratt) and Violet's sister Suzie (Alison Brie). Whilst their relationship offers very little to the film as a whole their individual contribution to scenes are very well delivered. Chris Pratt is wonderfully funny in almost every scene in which he features and a particular scene featuring Pratt's Alex delivering a presentation of Tom's former girlfriends is my favourite part of the film and a brilliantly written and acted scene. Unfortunately, their characters seem to fizzle out and so does the film itself.
There is a reason that most romantic comedies are only an hour and a half long; the plot cannot sustain a two hour movie without lagging. The Five-Year Engagement does try and stretch over two hours and you would think that with five years of a relationship to tell then it would easily manage this without getting too boring. You would be wrong. It gets to a point where you think it could be coming to an end only to realise there is still about half an hour left and after a while the laughs become a sparse item. Don't get me wrong, The Five-Year Engagement at times is hilarious and it is definitely a great romantic comedy with real stock in the lead characters but it tails off towards the end. It is still, though, definitely worth watching!
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