Frank Quinn: I sold 26 of the ugliest cars in the middle of December with the wind blowing so far up my ass I was farting snowflakes into July.
Frank Quinn: You've been wanting a shot at sales. As of right now, you're on commission. Remember - foot in the door, establish trust, and drop the hammer.
Buddy: I'd rather you go too.
Frank Quinn: No doubt. But if you don't do this by yourself, you'll never know if you're any good. And you'll never be good if you don't know that you are.
Felix Bush: They keep talking about forgiveness. "Ask Jesus for forgiveness." I never did nothing to him.
Felix Bush: [to Buddy] For every one like me, there's one like you, son. I about forgot that.
Rev. Charlie Jackson: [to Felix] I've talked to God a lot about you over the years. He said He broke the mold when He made you. Says you're sure entertaining to watch, but way too much trouble.
Felix Bush: If you don't listen, you can't hear nothing.
Felix Bush: Bout time for me to get low.
Rev. Gus Horton: Get what?
Felix Bush: Down to business. I need a funeral.
Rev. Gus Horton: For whom?
Felix Bush: For me.
Felix Bush: What did everybody say about what happened in town? That crazy son of a bitch tried to kill a man for no reason, is that it?
Buddy: There's two sides to every story.
Felix Bush: People say that but they don't believe it, no, sir. They think what they think, and they don't wanna know anything else.
Buddy: I also think that people are so scared about what they don't know that they make things up to feel better about it.
Felix Bush: Like life after dying, you know. Heaven.
Buddy: I also hope that part's true, don't you?
Felix Bush: I don't think we know the actual truth about anything.
Buddy: I know I don't. I'm just guessing most of the time.
Rev. Gus Horton: Mr. Bush, you can't buy forgiveness. It's free. But you do have to ask for it.
Rev. Gus Horton: Good morning, sir.
Felix Bush: It's a hard life if you can't read.
Rev. Gus Horton: Pardon?
Felix Bush: [gestures toward NO DAMN TRESPASSING sign]
Frank Quinn: What are the odds in a funeral home going broke when you have a business that everybody on Earth needs? If you can't make that work, it's got to be you, right? And yet, I don't know. What do you do when people won't die?
Kathryn: [to Buddy] You're not responsible for everybody. Just you.
Frank Quinn: How ya fixed for underwear?
Felix Bush: I don't wear none!
Frank Quinn: One question too many.
Felix Bush: Buy a ticket, son. Tell a story.
Felix Bush: Well, you better stay close.
[extends his arm to Mattie]
Felix Bush: Because some big old wildcat has been eating my chickens.
Felix Bush: Or maybe it was me.
Felix Bush: I built my own jail and put myself in it. And I stayed in it for 40 goddamn years! No wife. No kids, no friends, no nothing. No grandchildren. I wouldn't even know how to hold a baby. You hear me? Forty years. Now, that's not enough?
Rev. Charlie Jackson: You know it's not.
Rev. Charlie Jackson: Did you know he built this church?
Buddy: No. How can a man like that build something like this?
Felix Bush: There are a whole lot of things you don't know. Like what a, ya know, a dog dreams. You can make up a story about him chasing rabbits. But you don't know if there's rabbits in there or not. And he can't tell you now, can he? People don't say what they mean, either, so you don't know anymore about them than you do about that dog's dream.
Felix Bush: There's alive and there's dead. And there's a worse place in between them, that I hope you never know nothing about.
Buddy: I'm glad you decided to come, sir.
Rev. Charlie Jackson: Free will is not all that it's cracked up to be.
Felix Bush: I didn't want forgiveness. No. I needed to hold on to what I did, to be sick from it every day of my life.
Felix Bush: [waiving to coach] My funeral, and everybody's in there, but me.
Rev. Charlie Jackson: Well Felix, I guess this one's for real. Now I didn't see them put you in that box, actually. So uh... so wherever you are, probably giving someone a hard time, or something uh, wonderful, or priceless. Just to confuse them. I wish you peace from the burdens of your mind and heart. I wish it for us all.
Mattie Darrow: [throws in picture of her sister and a handful of dirt]