Ryan Bingham: How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV... the backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home... I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office... and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks.
Ryan Bingham: [on getting through airport security] Never get behind old people. Their bodies are littered with hidden metal and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left. Bingo, Asians. They pack light, travel efficiently, and they have a thing for slip on shoes. Gotta love 'em.
Natalie Keener: That's racist.
Ryan Bingham: I'm like my mother, I stereotype. It's faster.
Ryan Bingham: [End of closing monologue] The stars will wheel forth from their daytime hiding places; and one of those lights, slightly brighter than the rest, will be my wingtip passing over.
Natalie Keener: Hungry much?
Ryan Bingham: Our business expense allots forty dollars each for dinner. I plan on grabbing as many miles as I can.
Natalie Keener: Okay, you got to fill me in on the miles thing. What is that about? You're talking about, like, frequent flyer miles?
Ryan Bingham: You really want to know?
Natalie Keener: I'm dying to know.
Ryan Bingham: I don't spend a nickel, if I can help it, unless it somehow profits my mileage account.
Natalie Keener: So, what are you saving up for? Hawaii? South of France?
Ryan Bingham: It's not like that. The miles are the goal.
Natalie Keener: That's it? You're saving just to save?
Ryan Bingham: Let's just say that I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.
Natalie Keener: That's a little abstract. What's the target?
Ryan Bingham: I'd rather not...
Natalie Keener: Is it a secret target?
Ryan Bingham: It's ten million miles.
Natalie Keener: Okay. Isn't ten million just a number?
Ryan Bingham: Pi's just a number.
Natalie Keener: Well, we all need a hobby. No, I- I- I don't mean to belittle your collection. I get it. It sounds cool.
Ryan Bingham: I'd be the seventh person to do it. More people have walked on the moon.
Natalie Keener: Do they throw you a parade?
Ryan Bingham: You get lifetime executive status. You get to meet the chief pilot, Maynard Finch.
Natalie Keener: Wow.
Ryan Bingham: And they put your name on the side of a plane.
Natalie Keener: Men get such hardons from putting their names on things. You guys don't grow up. It's like you need to pee on everything.
Alex Goran: He broke up with you over text message?
Ryan Bingham: That's kind of like firing someone over the Internet.
Flight Attendant: Would you like the cancer?
Ryan Bingham: What?
Flight Attendant: Would you like the can, sir?
Ryan Bingham: I thought I was a part of your life.
Alex Goran: I thought we signed up for the same thing... I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. You are an escape. You're a break from our normal lives. You're a parenthesis.
Ryan Bingham: I'm a parenthesis?
San Francisco Manager: [interviewing Natalie for a job] So, what happened?
Natalie Keener: How exactly do you mean?
San Francisco Manager: You graduated top of your class. You could have had your pick of employment, including right here. Instead, you went to Omaha to... fire people for a living?
Natalie Keener: Challenging work.
San Francisco Manager: I'll say. I couldn't imagine doing that day in and day out. Not in this climate.
Natalie Keener: I... followed a boy.
San Francisco Manager: I guess we've all done that at some point in our lives.
[the manager pauses and picks up a letter from his desk, showing it to Natalie]
San Francisco Manager: This guy says I'd be lucky to have you.
Ryan Bingham: [voiceover, reading the letter] To whom it may concern: I can't begin to count the number of people I've fired in my lifetime. So many that I've forgotten what it's like to actually hire someone. We've never met, but I know you'd be lucky to have Natalie Keener. My advice? Take her and don't look back. She'll be the best decision you've made in a long time.
San Francisco Manager: [holding his hand out] I sure hope he's right.
[Natalie springs to her feet and shakes hands, gathering her composure and trying not to smile too broadly]
Ryan Bingham: Anybody who ever built an empire, or changed the world, sat where you are now. And it's *because* they sat there that they were able to do it.
Natalie Keener: Can you stop condescending for one second or is that one of the principles of your bullshit philosophy?
Ryan Bingham: All the things you probably hate about travelling -the recycled air, the artificial lighting, the digital juice dispensers, the cheap sushi- are warm reminders that I'm home
Alex Goran: What a weasly prick.
Natalie Keener: Yeah, but what does that make me? Someone who falls for a prick.
Alex Goran: We all fall for the prick. Pricks are spontaneous, they're unpredictable and they're fun. And then we're surprised when they turn out to be pricks.
Ryan Bingham: If you think about it, your favorite memories, the most important moments in your life... were you alone?
Jim Miller: No, I guess not.
Ryan Bingham: Hey, come to think of it, last night, the night before your wedding, when all this shit is swirling around in your head, weren't you guys sleeping in separate bedrooms?
Jim Miller: Yeah, Julie went back to the apartment, and I was just by myself in the honeymoon suite.
Ryan Bingham: Kind of lonely, huh?
Jim Miller: Yes, it was pretty lonely.
Ryan Bingham: Life's better with company.
Jim Miller: Yeah.
Ryan Bingham: Jim it's Marriage, it's one of the most beautiful things on Earth, it's what people aspired.
Jim Miller: Well you never got married...
Ryan Bingham: That's true...
Jim Miller: I mean, you never even tried.
Ryan Bingham: Uh, it's hard to define "tried'.
Ryan Bingham: So, did you wake him up or slip out?
Natalie Keener: What?
Ryan Bingham: This morning. Your new friend. Did you wake him up for an awkward goodbye or did you just slip out and make him feel like a whore?
Natalie Keener: [confused] I just left.
Ryan Bingham: Protocol's always tricky.
Ryan Bingham: You know why kids love athletes?
Bob: Because they screw lingerie models.
Ryan Bingham: No, that's why we love athletes. Kids love them because they follow their dreams.
Natalie Keener: [to Alex] You're so pretty. You're exactly what I want to look like in fifteen years.
Ryan Bingham: [waiting in a check-in line at the Wisconsin hotel] Are you available?
Check-in Lady: This line's reserved for members of our Matterhorn Program.
[Ryan and Natalie arrived at the Hilton hotel where Ryan jumps to the counter to check with his Hilton Honors card; A woman becomes insulted by this]
Business Woman: He just waltzes in and cuts in line?
Hilton Clerk: We reserve priority assistance for our Hilton Honors members.
Ryan Bingham: [hands the business woman the packet] The promotions are great. You should check it out.
[the woman snatches the packet from Ryan in anger; Ryan laughs]
[Natalie, on her first outing, walks into the Omaha Airport terminal dragging her slow-moving luggage; Ryan, offended by this, looks at her in frustration]
Natalie Keener: What?
Ryan Bingham: Follow me.
[later at a store in the terminal, Ryan grabs a new, updated rolling luggage]
Natalie Keener: I really like my luggage.
Ryan Bingham: That's exactly what it is, it's luggage. You know how much time you lose by checking in?
Natalie Keener: I don't know. Five, ten minutes?
Ryan Bingham: 35 minutes a flight. I travel 270 days a year. That's 157 hours. That makes seven days. You're willing to throw away an entire week on that?
[On the shuttle bus ride to the Hilton Miami Airport Hotel]
Natalie Keener: Never?
Ryan Bingham: No.
Natalie Keener: Ever?
Ryan Bingham: No.
Natalie Keener: You never wanna get married?
Ryan Bingham: Nope.
Natalie Keener: Never want kids?
Ryan Bingham: Not a chance.
Natalie Keener: Ever?
Ryan Bingham: Never. Is that so bizarre?
Natalie Keener: Yes. Yes, it is.
Ryan Bingham: I just don't see the value in it. All right, sell it to me.
Natalie Keener: What?
Ryan Bingham: Sell me marriage.
Natalie Keener: Okay. How about love?
Ryan Bingham: [scoffs] Okay.
Natalie Keener: Stability. Just somebody you can count on.
Ryan Bingham: How many stable marriages do you know?
Natalie Keener: Somebody to talk to, someone to spend your life with.
Ryan Bingham: I'm surrounded by people to talk to. I doubt that's gonna change.
[as Ryan and Natalie enter the Hilton Miami Airport Hotel]
Natalie Keener: How about just not dying alone?
Ryan Bingham: Starting when I was 12, we moved each one of my grandparents into a nursing facility. My parents went the same way. Make no mistake, we all die alone. Now those cult members in San Diego, with the sneakers and the Kool-Aid, they didn't die alone. I'm just saying there are options.
[Natalie starts to cry]
Ryan Bingham: Oh, fuck.
Natalie Keener: [sobs] Brian left me.
[Natalie is sobbing hysterically; Ryan then comforts her and calms her down]
Ryan Bingham: All right. Okay, okay. All right. All right.
[Ryan meets Alex Goran for the first time at a bar]
Ryan Bingham: Are you satisfied with Maestro?
Alex Goran: Yeah, I am.
Ryan Bingham: A little stingy with their miles. I like Hertz.
Alex Goran: No, Hertz keeps its vehicles too long. If a car has over 20,000 miles, I won't drive it.
Ryan Bingham: Maestro doesn't instant checkout. I like to park and go.
Alex Goran: Hertz doesn't guarantee navigation.
Ryan Bingham: It's funny. You don't seem like a girl who needs directions.
Alex Goran: Oh, I hate asking for directions. That's why I get a nav.
Ryan Bingham: That new outfit, Colonial, it's not bad.
Alex Goran: [impressed and flattered] Is that a joke?
Ryan Bingham: Yes.
Alex Goran: Because their kiosk placement blows.
Ryan Bingham: They never have available upgrades.
Alex Goran: Basically, it's a fleet of shit-boxes. I don't know how they're still in business.
Ryan Bingham: I'm Ryan.
Alex Goran: I'm Alex.
[after they both have sex in Ryan's room; Ryan lays on the floor whilst Alex, naked, lies on the bed]
Ryan Bingham: Good call on that towel rack.
Alex Goran: I like how you burritoed me in the sofa cushions.
Ryan Bingham: I was improvising.
Alex Goran: Shame we didn't make it to the closet.
Ryan Bingham: Mmm. We gotta do this again.
Alex Goran: Oh. yeah.
Ryan Bingham: Your resume says you minored in French Culinary Arts. Most students work the frier at KFC. You busted tables at Il Picatorre to support yourself. Then you got out of college and started working here. How much did they pay you to give up on your dreams?
Bob: Twenty seven thousand a year.
Ryan Bingham: At what point were you going to stop and go back to what made you happy?
Natalie Keener: I thought I'd be engaged by now. I thought by 23, I'd be married, maybe have a kid, corner office by day, entertaining at night. I was supposed to be driving a Grand Cherokee by now.
Alex Goran: Well, life can underwhelm you that way.
Natalie Keener: Where did you think you'd be by err...?
Alex Goran: It doesn't work that way. At a certain point, you stop with the dead lines. It can be a little counter productive.
Natalie Keener: I don't want to say anything that is anti feminist. I really appreciate everything that your generation did for me.
Alex Goran: It was our pleasure.
Natalie Keener: Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it's not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work, he really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6'1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he'd have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4 runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?
Alex Goran: You know, honestly by the time you're 34, all the physical requirements just go out the window. You secretly pray that he'll be taller than you, not an asshole would be nice just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family. You don't think about that when you're younger. Someone who wants kids, likes kids. Healthy enough to play with his kids. Please let him earn more money than I do, you might not understand that now but believe me, you will one day otherwise that's a recipe for disaster. And hopefully, some hair on his head. I mean, that's not even a deal breaker these days. A nice smile. Yea, a nice smile just might do it.
Natalie Keener: Wow. That was depressing.
Natalie Keener: Please, for the love of God, can I fire the next one.
Alex Goran: [looking at Ryan's Frequent Flier Miles card] This is pretty fucking sexy.
Ryan Bingham: Aww... Maplewood card. How dare you bring that into this place?
Alex Goran: Hilton offers equal value and better food but the Maplewood gives out warm cookies at check-in... I'm a sucker for simulated hospitality.
Ryan Bingham: There's an industry term for that. It's a mixture of faux and homey - faumey.
Alex Goran: Oh, my God. I wasn't sure this actually existed. This is the American Airlines...
Ryan Bingham: It's a Concierge Key, yeah.
Alex Goran: What is that, carbon fibre?
Ryan Bingham: Graphite.
Alex Goran: Oh, I love the weight.
Ryan Bingham: I was pretty excited the day that bad boy came in.
Alex Goran: I'll say. I put up pretty pedestrian numbers. 60 thousand a year, domestic.
Ryan Bingham: That's not bad.
Alex Goran: Don't patronize me. What's your total?
Ryan Bingham: It's a personal question.
Alex Goran: Please.
Ryan Bingham: And we hardly know each other.
Alex Goran: Come on, show some hubris. Come on, impress me. I bet it's huge.
Ryan Bingham: You have no idea.
Alex Goran: How big? What is it, this big? This big?
Ryan Bingham: I don't want to brag.
Alex Goran: Oh, come on! Come on.
Ryan Bingham: Let's just say I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.
Alex Goran: This is pretty fucking sexy.
Ryan Bingham: Hope it doesn't cheapen our relationship.
Alex Goran: We're two people who get turned on by elite status. I think cheap is our starting point.
Ryan Bingham: There's nothing cheap about loyalty.
Ryan Bingham: You know that moment when you look into somebody's eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet just for a second?
Natalie Keener: Yes.
Ryan Bingham: Right. Well, I don't.
Natalie Keener: [Ryan overhears Natalie talking about him on the phone to her boyfriend] No, I don't think of him that way; he's old.
[Startled, Ryan looks in the mirror]