Spirit of the West: No man can walk out of his own story.
Rango: I couldn't help but notice you noticing me noticing you.
Rango: [after some kids throw rocks at him] Hey! What was that for?
Priscilla: You're funny-looking.
Rango: Well? You're funny-looking too.
Priscilla: That's a funny-looking shirt.
Rango: That's a funny-looking dress.
Priscilla: You got funny-looking eyes.
Rango: You got a funny-looking face!
Priscilla: [small pause] You're a stranger. Strangers don't last long here.
Rango: Now, remember son: stay in school, eat your veggies, burn everything but Shakespeare.
Child: Who's Shakespeare?
Rattlesnake Jake: [after Beans refuses to sign a deed] Sign the damn paper, woman!
Beans: Go to Hell!
Rattlesnake Jake: [wraps Beans in his coils and suspends her upside down] Where do you think I come from?
Rango: Crunchy-creamy-cookie-candy-cupcake. Okay everybody, let's take it from the top!
Rango: [Wounded Bird is scratching his down feathers and scattering them into the wind] I see you're communicating with the great spirits.
Wounded Bird: No. I'm molting. It means I'm ready to mate.
Waffles: [Rango and his posse have found new purpose in their search for the outlaws] Uh... What exactly are we gonna do now?
Rango: Now... we ride!
[whip cracks; Rango stops and looks to his right, puzzled]
Rango: [the band of mariachi owls stands a ways away with their instruments, waiting; Rango shouts to them] That means we're riding now! This moment.
[another whip is heard and the owls start playing the background music; everyone is riding roadrunners in the next cut]
Beans: [unimpressed] You ain't from around here, are you?
Rango: [she walks away] I- I'm still working on it. Uh, so, what's your name?
Beans: [rummaging through glass bottles in her cart] Beans.
Rango: That's a funny kind of name.
Beans: What can I say? My daddy plum loved baked beans.
Rango: Well you're lucky he didn't plum love asparagus.
Beans: [quickly stands up] What... what're ya saying?
Rango: I mean, I uh... I enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself, but I'm not sure that a child would uh, appreciate the moniker.
[picks up a jar with a sort of powder in it and puts some in his mouth]
Beans: [walking around the cart to Rango] My daddy was a great man, even if he did exhibit a proclivity for legumes, and... you...
[sees what Rango is eating]
Rango: Mmm, spicy!
Beans: You are eating his ashes!
Rango: [spits, disgusted] Eh! You carry his remains?
Beans: [takes the jar and reseals it] No! His ashes; he loved to smoke. They never found the body.
Rango: Oh. Um, I'm sure he had his reasons.
Elgin: That ain't nothin'. I coughed up an entire tribe of pygmies. They started lookin' at me weird.
Furgus: I remember them! They was quite friendly!
Spoons: I found a human spinal column in my fecal matter once...
Sergeant Turley: You might wanna get that looked at.
Rango: [taken aback] Golden guardians... Alabaster chariot... The Spirit of the West!
Rango: Ahem... excuse me... Mister Spirit... sir?
Spirit of the West: [eyeing a fish hook] Now there's a beaut. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find what you're looking for.
Spirit of the West: So, you made it.
Rango: Is this Heaven?
Spirit of the West: If it were, we'd be eating Pop Tarts with Kim Novak.
Rango: Yeah, ain't that the truth. What are you doing out here?
Spirit of the West: Searching... same as you.
Rango: [downhearted] I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't even know who I am.
Rango: They used to call you 'The Man with No Name'.
Spirit of the West: Nowadays, they have a name for just about everything. Doesn't matter what they call you... it's the deeds that make the man.
Rango: But my deeds just made everything worse. I'm a fake... a phony. My friends were counting on me. They were looking for some sort of hero.
Spirit of the West: [emphatic] Then be a hero!
Rango: [disbelief] Oh, no! No, no. I'm not even supposed to be out here.
Spirit of the West: That's right. You came out here looking for something that didn't exist. But don't you see?
Spirit of the West: It's not about you... it's about them.
Rango: But I can't go back.
Spirit of the West: Don't think you have a choice, son.
[draws rectangle on windshield]
Spirit of the West: No man can walk out of his own story.
Rango: Us reptiles gotta stick together. Right, my brother?
Buford: I'm an amphibian.
Rango: Ain't no shame in that.
Rango: [from trailer]
[burps fire in face]
Rango: I'll take care of that for you.
Rango: There all better.
Spoons: [after Rango forms a small posse to find the band of robbers] What do we do now, sheriff?
Rango: Now, we ride!
[cut to them all riding across the desert on roadrunners, excited and energized]
Spoons: [to Rango] Where are we going?
[they have no leads on where the robbers might be]
Spoons: Where are we going?
[cut to them all walking back into town, embarrassed]
Rango: [Rango marches into the bank after it's been robbed] All right, folks; stand back, clear the area, this is a crime scene, now. Secure the parameter, dust for prints, check for fibers, scan for DNA, I want a urine sample from everyone and get me a latte. Don't mix up the two.
Mayor: Control the water... and you control everything. But I don't have to tell you that, being a true man of the West as you are.
Rango: Oh, yeah. The West is the... the best!
Rattlesnake Jake: [sees bullet] One bullet. I tip my hat to you... One legend to another.
Rock-Eye: [the hawk drops a bottle with Rango inside it directly on top of Rock-Eye the Toad, who is hiding from the hawk as a rock, from a great height] ¡Ay! ¡Madre de Dios!
[He sees Rango]
Rock-Eye: You! I'll kill you! You stupid lizard! Get out of there! I'm gonna strangle your huevos!
Rango: [points frantically from inside his bottle] The bird! The bird!
[He starts running away in his bottle by rolling it]
Rock-Eye: [Rock-Eye looks behind him] No wait, come back!
[Rock-Eye starts chasing Rango]
Rock-Eye: Hey, I was just kidding! C'mon, we're friends, right?
Rango: Aaah, I don't know you!
Rock-Eye: Lizards, frogs... we're practically related, right?
Rango: [Overlapping] Find your own hiding place! No room at the inn!
Rock-Eye: Come on! Move over! I'll let you kiss my sister!
Rango: [Rango runs the bottle over a small sharp rock and the bottle breaks in half] No no no nonono...!
[the bottle slides to a stop]
Rock-Eye: [Stops with him; pointing in triumph] HA! Ha ha ha!
[the hawk snatches him up]
Rock-Eye: [Screams furiously] You son of a b...!
Rango: [an arrow is sticking through Turley's head, entering in his right eye and coming out the left-rear side of his head; Rango looks disgusted] Whoa! Ehh... are you sure you're fit for duty there, soldier?
Sergeant Turley: [oblivious] What?
Rango: Uh, well, you've got a little somethin' in your... eye, there.
Sergeant Turley: [indicates his left eye, seemingly oblivious] Oh, that! That there's conjunctivitis, sir. It's hereditary.
Rango: [going along as not to hurt Turley's feelings] Oh! Well... um... glad to hear it's not contagious.
Rango: [Rango and Beans have been locked in the bank vault with water pouring in and the water level rising] Don't worry! I have a plan!
[looks through the glass to those who have locked them in]
Rango: Heeeeeelp! Open the door!
Rango: [no one does anything] Okay! Plan B!
Wounded Bird: You kill bird?
Rango: Why, yes, I did.
Wounded Bird: Bird dead, snake come.
Rango: Uh, snake?
Priscilla: He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He usually doesn't come to town because he's scared of that hawk, but he might come now. Can I have your boots when you're dead?
Rango: No. I ain't got no problem with this Rattlesnake Jake.
Priscilla: That's just what Amos said.
[Priscilla looks at something offscreen, Rango looks and sees a small graveyard with a headstone reading 'Amos, Sheriff Thur-Sat.']
Priscilla: You got any gold fillings?
Rattlesnake Jake: [realizing it's a swarm of bats in the form of a hawk] Ain't no hawk, ain't nothin' but bats!
[starts shooting at them]
Maybelle: Stick to the plan boys, bleed the devil dry!
[swarm spreads out, Jake laughs excitedly while trying to shoot every bat down, realizes he used up all his bullets, turns to see Rango pointing a gun at him]
Rango: It only takes one bullet.
Rattlesnake Jake: You ain't got the nerve.
Rango: Try me.
Rattlesnake Jake: [to the Mayor] What was that you said? "Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed."
Rango: So you want something to believe in, Spoons? Believe in me.
[points at the "Sheriff" sign]
Rango: Believe in that there sign. For as long as it hangs there we've got hope.
Bad Bill: If I ever see your face again, I'm going to slice it off and use it to wipe my unmentionables!
Rattlesnake Jake: [to Rango] Hello, "brother". Thirsty?
[fills a glass with his venom]
Merrimack: Beans, you've been like a niece to me and ever since your daddy...
[Beans gives him a death glare]
Merrimack: ...did *not* fall drunk down a mine shaft...
Rango: [addressing the townspeople after the bank robbery] We all know exactly what we need to do now!
Rango: And that would be?
Mayor: [whispers] Form a posse.
Rango: Form a possum!
Mayor: [still quiet] A *posse*.
Beans: [comes out of trance in the clothier's shop] It is not a rash, it is a birthmark!
[the Mayor is intending to shoot Jake while Rango and Beans are in the bank vault that's filling up with water]
Mayor: You and the sheriff are more alike than you think. You're nothing but legends. Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed.
Rango: [seeing Jake has Beans wrapped in his coils] Put her down!
Rattlesnake Jake: Or what, little man? You gonna kill me?
Rango: [serious] That's just about the size of it.
Mayor: Our new sheriff has been playing the hero for so long, he's actually starting to believe it.
Priscilla: Sheriff? You are going to bring that water back, aren't you?
Rango: You can count on it, little sister.
Beans: [comes out of trance by her wagon] And until the people of Andromeda 5 return him safe and sound, I will not sell my ranch!
Maybelle: [annoyed] You've got a lot of nerve coming back here, lawman. What is it that you want?
Rango: [dead serious] Yer pappy and them boys are gonna hang for something they didn't do.
Rango: But I've got a plan...
Balthazar: Ezekiel, Jedidiah! What the Sam Hill's goin' on up there?
[as he emerges from the ground, he thumps his idiot sons with a cane. He sniffs the air]
Balthazar: Hell's fire, this ain't the bank!
Ezekiel: Pappy, the Sheriff is standin' right here, helpin' us out.
Jedidiah: Gonna give us a permit for pros-pec-ting.
Rango: That's right, sir. Just doin' my duty. The lonely constable on his rounds, keeping an eagle eye out for mayhem and malfeasance.
Balthazar: Does he look like he sounds?
Mayor: It's almost noon. Is everyone ready?
Bad Bill: Yeah, but he might be a problem.
Mayor: He's not a problem, William. He's a solution.
Rango: Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to honor this man. Mr. Merrimack, you have the right to remain silent. Speak now, or forever hold your peace. Amen.
Rango: I'd like a glass of water.
[All of the people at the bar laugh loudly]
Patron #1: He wants a glass of water!
Doc: Make it a double!
Patron #2: Give him the spittoon!
Buford: [Buford spits onto the table and wipes it up] Cactus juice, that's what we got.
Angelique: Hello, Beans.
Beans: Hello, Angelique.