Burton 'Gus' Guster: Dear Leland Bosseigh High Administrative Board: We accept that you're withholding our deposit of fifteen hundred dollars for damages. We also accept that you just see us as you wanna see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions: a snarky psychic, an uptight pharmaceutical salesman, a pretty female blonde detective, and a not-so-pretty, unusually lanky detective. But each of us is all of those things. Plus, our normal fee for solving a murder in one meaningful evening is twice that, so enclosed is a bill for three thousand dollars. Please remit payment in the form of a check made out simply to "Psych".
Henry Spencer: Life is not made up of a single moment, it's made up of a gazillion moments. What defines us is the choice we make in the next moment, and the one after that. These moments, Shawn, they're happening, they're all around us all the time. You're having one right now.
Shawn Spencer: Good talk, Dad! I gotta run. Actually, there is one more thing. Do you think I could borrow your underpants? Ju - just for like ten minutes.
Shawn Spencer: Gus, don't be an incorrigible Eskimo Pie with a caramel ribbon.
Shawn Spencer: Abigail Lytar.
Abigail Lytar: [turns, sees Shawn's picture name tag] Judd Nelson.
Shawn Spencer: In the flesh.
Abigail Lytar: I loved you in, um..."From the Hip"?
Shawn Spencer: Thank you very much. You know, there are those who believe I flared my nostrils too much in that film.
Abigail Lytar: Oh, no. I mean, how else could we have possibly known how angst-ridden you were?
Shawn Spencer: Assuming that Parker Stevenson had never been born... have you ever seen a very attractive man solve a crime before?
Abigail Lytar: [thinks] I did see John Cusack prevent a jaywalking once.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Hello, Mindy.
[sees Mindy's bright yellow dress]
Burton 'Gus' Guster: You look... nice.
Mindy Howland: Oh, give it up, button-up. I already have a date to this thing.
Shawn Spencer: Mindy, it's official. You've won Bitchiest Banana.
Abigail Lytar: [listening to Shawn and Gus bickering] Oh, wait... I get it. You guys are dating. You're together. Everything makes sense.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: We are not dating!
Shawn Spencer: You kidding me? He was voted "Most Likely To Succeed". Think he's going to date me?
Madeleine: [proudly, after listening to Shawn's summation] Oh, Henry! We must have done *something* right.
Henry Spencer: That was all you.
Madeleine: You know that's not true.
Shawn Spencer: [after kissing Abigail] That was... really nice.
Abigail Lytar: Pretty much perfect.
Shawn Spencer: Yeah...
[sees Juliet across the room]
Shawn Spencer: Pretty much... perfect.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I mean, what have I done in my life that anyone would say was great?
Shawn Spencer: Dude, the perfect cocoa roundness of your head alone makes you great.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Wasn't Howie the victim at one point?
Shawn Spencer: Gus, that is so forty minutes ago. I bet you're still telling your friends to chillax.
Shawn Spencer: Are we back in business, partner?
Shawn Spencer: Milo and Otis.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: I get to be Otis.
Shawn Spencer: That's a given.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: [sees Shawn's picture name tag] Shawn, that isn't you, is it?
Shawn Spencer: No, it isn't.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: It's Judd Nelson, isn't it?
Shawn Spencer: Yes, it is, and it's sweet, sweet nice.
Carlton Lassiter: [about his date] We met at the Santa Barbara Bowl at the Ravi Shankar concert last week, and she asked me out on a date.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Who goes to someone else's reunion when they barely even know them?
Shawn Spencer: Who goes to a Ravi Shankar concert?
Juliet O'Hara: If Chief Vick knew I was running names for you guys, I'd lose my ass.
Shawn Spencer: We definitely don't want that to happen.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Lassiter, what are you doing at our reunion?
Carlton Lassiter: Well, first off, of course it had to be *yours*, 'cause that's my luck. And secondly, I'm on a date.
Mindy Howland: [on seeing Lassiter's gun] Oh, that's cute. What, do you squeeze the trigger and a little pen comes out so you can write people parking tickets? Um, Barnaby Jones, why don't you hold my purse while I go dance?
Carlton Lassiter: [to Juliet, after arresting his date for filling prescriptions under a false name] Yeah sweety, look, if you don't mind, I'm gonna get back to this. I don't want to miss the mug shots. I having fun. It's the best date I've been on in a long time.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Wait, so we know who the killers are, we know who they killed, but we don't have a body? Where is it?
Shawn Spencer: Well, if I was just some average guy without any superpowers, I'd say, "I don't know. Why are you asking me?" But as head psychic of the Santa Barbara Police Department, I say... I don't know. Why are you asking me?
Shawn Spencer: [introducing himself] Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago!