Edit
"Monk" Mr. Monk and the Genius (TV Episode 2008) Poster

(TV Series)

(2008)

Quotes

Adrian Monk: To me, quitting would be like giving up.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Monk needs to enter the chess tournament to confront Kloster]

Julie Teeger: All right, wait here.

[She approaches one of the teenaged contestants and begins talking to him]

Adrian Monk: What's she doing?

Natalie Teeger: She's... flirting.

Adrian Monk: Well, she's good at it...

Natalie Teeger: Shut up.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Adrian Monk: [writes a paycheck for Natalie] "Payable to... Natalie Teeger."

Natalie Teeger: My four favorite words.

[Monk delicately tears the check out of his checkbook. In that time, Natalie easily can go get a cup of coffee and come back without being missed]

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Patrick Kloster: This is a funeral home, Mr. Monk. My wife has just passed.

[notices Monk's grin]

Patrick Kloster: I find that grin on your face rather inappropriate.

Adrian Monk: I know how you did it.

Patrick Kloster: You still think I murdered my wife?

Adrian Monk: You set a trap...

Natalie Teeger: ...like the Poison Pawn.

Patrick Kloster: Oh you've been chatting with some chess masters. Good for you.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Natalie Teeger: "Chess Domination, by Patrick Kloster." Well this will be the opposite of fun.

[reads the dedication]

Natalie Teeger: "For my queen, Tatianna."

Adrian Monk: You don't have to read the dedication.

Natalie Teeger: [finds Linda Kloster's check in the book] What's this? Linda Kloster's check. You didn't deposit this?

Adrian Monk: I'll never deposit it.

Natalie Teeger: But Mr. Monk, she wanted you to cash it. Mr. Monk, if you deposit this check, you can pay your staff, and when I say "staff," I mean me.

Adrian Monk: She came to me. I didn't protect her.

Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, you did everything you could.

Adrian Monk: What about the promise I made to her about him not getting away with it?

Natalie Teeger: You made a promise to me.

Adrian Monk: [through the car mirror, he notices Patrick approaching them] Shhh, there he comes.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Natalie Teeger: [Monk's latest check turns out to be $700 short] You mean unless I'm complaining, you're not going to pay me? Is that the new norm?

Adrian Monk: Even if I wanted to. I've already torn it out of the checkbook.

Natalie Teeger: [trying to direct Monk's hand to void her bad check] Yeah so you just void it out. Write "VOID" right here.

Adrian Monk: Natalie, I can't do it. If it were up to me...

Natalie Teeger: Of course it's up to you!

Adrian Monk: I need you to use your inside voice.

Natalie Teeger: Oh my god!

[yells in frustration at Monk. You can tell that this seems to be the norm every payday]

Adrian Monk: I'm a little short on cash right now. But you know I'm good for it. I'll make up for it.

Natalie Teeger: Yeah I have been keeping track! It's over $1,800, Mr. Monk!

[Linda Kloster enters the room, a finger over her lip]

Linda Kloster: I'm sorry. The door was open. I thought I heard screaming.

Natalie Teeger: Oh that's just me. I scream every payday.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[while Monk and Natalie are on their little stakeout, Patrick Kloster comes by and offers them water and lemonade, respectively]

Natalie Teeger: You have to admit, he's real good.

[takes a sip from her lemonade]

Natalie Teeger: What? He was right. I am thirsty.

Adrian Monk: [looks at her rather suspiciously] How do you feel?

Natalie Teeger: Uhhh, I feel fine.

[Monk is still looking at her oddly]

Natalie Teeger: What?

Adrian Monk: It just occurred to me: if there's poison in the lemonade, we could go to the DA and we'd have all the evidence we need.

[Natalie promptly spits her lemonade out the window on her side of the car and dumps the rest of the cup onto the pavement]

Natalie Teeger: It just occurred to you? And you didn't say anything? My gosh, Mr. Monk, I've never seen you like this!

Adrian Monk: How do you feel right now?

Natalie Teeger: You know I hate to disappoint you but I feel fine.

Adrian Monk: [offering the bottle of Summit Creek water] Try the water.

Natalie Teeger: Okay that's it. We're going home.

[Starts the car and they start to drive away]

Adrian Monk: Wait, wait. Stop the car.

[starts opening his door]

Natalie Teeger: Wait? What are you doing?

Adrian Monk: Just stop the car.

[Natalie finally stops, and Monk starts walking towards the Kloster estate]

Natalie Teeger: Where are you going?

Adrian Monk: His garden.

Natalie Teeger: His garden?

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [on Patrick Kloster having finished despite his wife having died] It's funny. I would have been too upset to concentrate.

Patrick Kloster: I was upset, Captain. That's why it took me 44 moves to win.

Adrian Monk: Your wife came to see me this morning, Mr. Kloster.

Patrick Kloster: Did she?

Adrian Monk: She told me that you'd been planning to kill her.

Patrick Kloster: My wife was an unstable woman.

Adrian Monk: She didn't seem unstable.

Patrick Kloster: I'm sure she was.

[turning to Stottlemeyer and Disher]

Patrick Kloster: What did the medical examiner say?

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Heart attack.

Natalie Teeger: You know she didn't look sick to me.

Patrick Kloster: And what medical school did you attend, Miss Teeger? My wife suffered from high blood pressure, and for most of her life, she was a heavy smoker and an alcoholic. She was also quite depressed.

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What do you know about poison, Mr. Kloster?

Patrick Kloster: Not much. More than you, but not much. Although I am an expert on the Poison Pawn.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

1st Elderly Woman: She was our niece.

Adrian Monk: Well I'm a former police officer, and I'm afraid we're going to have to borrow your niece, her remains, for a couple of days.

1st Elderly Woman: Borrow her?

Adrian Monk: Yes we're going to have to do some toxicology tests. Don't worry we do it all the time.

[takes flowers off the top of the coffin]

Adrian Monk: We're going to cut her open, a little bit, and cut out a small piece of her liver, and her stomach, and uh, a tiny, nearly imperceptible bit of fluid from her eyeball. Like on TV. Who likes TV?

1st Elderly Woman: But why?

Adrian Monk: The fact is, we think she might have been poisoned.

1st Elderly Woman: But how did the poison get in the cable car?

Adrian Monk: What cable car?

2nd Elderly Woman: The cable car that hit her. That's how Marjorie was killed!

[Monk starts putting the flowers back on top of the coffin, muttering to himself. A few feet away, Patrick Kloster says]

Patrick Kloster: Mr. Monk, that's not my wife. My wife is right here.

[Shows them a cremation box]

Patrick Kloster: I had her cremated two hours ago. As you can tell, I have anticipated your every move.

Adrian Monk: Cremated?

Patrick Kloster: Yes I don't think your toxicology tests are going to do much good but you are welcome to try.

[Both Monk and Natalie give him a rather disgusted look]

Patrick Kloster: Oh I know that look. I've seen it quite often. It's how my opponents look when they know they've been beaten. Your move, Mr. Monk.

[walks out of the room]

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Patrick Kloster: [while waiting for the toxicology report to come back about his first wife] You're making a big mistake.

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You made the mistake, Kloster.

Lt. Randall Disher: You should have had your first wife cremated too.

[the medical examiner returns with his report]

Medical Examiner: Sorry for the delay. We know how important this is. There was no poison in the body, we didn't find a thing.

Adrian Monk: Impossible!

Medical Examiner: The woman died of natural causes. We're sure of it.

Patrick Kloster: [getting up to head to the elevator] Thank you, Mr. Monk.

Adrian Monk: For what?

Patrick Kloster: Our little game. But to be honest with you, I'm sorry it's over.

[the elevator doors close]

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [on the phone] Kevin, it's a restraining order! You issue 30 of them a day! No he hasn't hit her!

[pause]

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yes, she's still in the house.

[pause]

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Because Adrian Monk told me, that's how I'm sure.

[pause]

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Fine, good. You sleep on it!

[slams the phone down]

Adrian Monk: How did that go?

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [to a detective in the room] Look, forget about him. Just get a cruiser out there. Park it out front until further notice.

Natalie Teeger: What? You can't arrest him for anything?

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well apparently there's no law against giving your wife the willies.

[Disher walks in]

Lt. Randall Disher: Captain, we just got a call. You'd better put down the cup.

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Just tell me who called, Randy.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Monk, Natalie, Stottlemeyer and Disher have arrived at the airport to question Patrick Kloster]

Lt. Randall Disher: Is he here?

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Plane just landed. Whaddaya got?

Lt. Randall Disher: You're not gonna like it. The ME says natural causes; severe cardiac arrest.

Adrian Monk: What?

Lt. Randall Disher: He's already released the body.

Adrian Monk: Wh-What about a complete toxicology workup?

Lt. Randall Disher: He won't do it, Monk. Not without probable cause.

Natalie Teeger: But she was 42 years old!

Adrian Monk: What about the water, the tap water in the bathroom?

Lt. Randall Disher: Checked.

Natalie Teeger: Well, how about her lipstick?

Lt. Randall Disher: Checked. I mean, everything in the house, even her eyedrops, it's all clean.

Adrian Monk: He killed her; he poisoned her! But how?

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well there he is. You can ask him yourself.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Sir, we were wondering if you were to come downtown and give us a statement.

Patrick Kloster: I'm afraid my schedule is rather tight but I did take the opportunity of phoning ahead and reserving a room, here, at the airport security offices. It's nothing extravagent but it's got a table and uh, five chairs.

Natalie Teeger: H-How did you know there would be five of us?

Patrick Kloster: Please, Ms. Teeger, don't insult me.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

Contribute to This Page