- Chuck Bartowski: Wait. So not only did we *not* get the Fulcrum list, but Jill's never gonna speak to me again because she caught me naked rinsing off fruit punch with another woman?
- John Casey: Common spy problem.
- Chuck Bartowski: [sarcastically] Really?
- Sarah Walker: You want us to break into a government-controlled crime scene?
- John Casey: [Scoffs] It's the F.B.I. How hard can it be?
- Sarah Walker: [Chuck's stuck in the airvent] What are you doing up there?
- Chuck Bartowski: Help!
- [Falls to the floor]
- John Casey: Shh! It's the F.B.I, they're dumb, not deaf.
- Chuck Bartowski: Thanks.
- Chuck Bartowski: The running, jumping, shooting people part of the job, that's all *you* guys. But the puzzles, that's all me.
- Sarah Walker: You're not concerned to involve a civilian in a covert government investigation?
- John Casey: Ah, the girl's personal knowledge of Guy LaFleur makes her of use to us. You're sure you're not just jealous Bartowski's found himself a new piece of asset?
- Dr. Jill Roberts: Is this a normal day at the office for you?
- Sarah Walker: Yeah. Except Casey doesn't usually sing.
- Dr. Jill Roberts: Thank you for saving my life. Sorry for not trusting you with Chuck.
- Sarah Walker: You want to pay me back? Don't hurt him again.
- Dr. Jill Roberts: I won't. I wouldn't. I care about Chuck.
- Sarah Walker: Me, too. It's my job to protect him... from anything.
- Sarah Walker: [Watching Chuck on a date on the roof] Casey, is that necessary? How much trouble could he get into on a date?
- John Casey: It's Bartowski. You're pretty nonchalant about your super computer boyfriend trying to browse someone else's network.
- Sarah Walker: Well, I'm just his cover girlfriend. Chuck's entitled to a *real* one.
- John Casey: You're a government asset, Chuck. Sometimes, your personal life has to take a backseat.
- Chuck Bartowski: We tried the back seat, you have a camera in the car too! Come on, how many... how many second chances do you get with the one who got away? Plus she already knows I'm a... you know.
- John Casey: I'm not even interested in my *own* feelings, Bartowski. Keep your mind on the mission. We leave in ten.
- Dr. Jill Roberts: You're going to a hotel tonight with your cover girlfriend?
- Chuck Bartowski: Well, uh, you know, I mean... if it's any comfort, overnight missions usually involve Casey and a whole lot of firearms.
- Chuck Bartowski: Where's a pitch pipe when you need one?
- [Casey sings the note]
- Chuck Bartowski: Hey! What?
- John Casey: Choir boy. What? I wasn't hatched.
- General Diane Beckman: Excellent work, you two. Please thank the asset for his service. By the way, where is Chuck?
- John Casey: My guess would be rounding second base.
- Fulcrum agent: I still have the advantage. Somebody give me the list or I shoot Chuck.
- [points his weapon at Chuck]
- John Casey: Yeah, go ahead and shoot him.
- [pulls out another weapon and points it at Chuck]
- John Casey: You know, I was thinking about shooting him myself.
- Chuck Bartowski: That's great- Why?- Why would- *What*? Are you *crazy*? How about - How about *nobody* shoots Chuck?
- John Casey: I'm not Sarah, Chuck! Give him the list, I will end you miserable existence!
- Chuck Bartowski: Can you cover me?
- Morgan Grimes: Of course I can cover for you, man, because we're best friends and that's what best friends do. They lie for each other. But they don't lie to each other, that's all.
- Chuck Bartowski: [Talking about the substance testing machine John is using to see what sprayed Chuck and Sarah] How long does this thing take?
- [Turns to Sarah]
- Chuck Bartowski: How-how does Jill pick that exact moment to walk in on us? I mean, what-what-what are the odds?
- [Looks back at Casey]
- Chuck Bartowski: Does-does this, does this give us the antidote? Because I think I feel my throat is closing up on me right now.
- [Machine beeps, John looks at Chuck]
- Chuck Bartowski: What is it? What is it, flesh eating bacteria or anthrax? Am I gonna die?
- John Casey: [John licks some of the 'poison' off his finger] Nope. But you can add ice and give it to little kids to sell on street corners.
- Chuck Bartowski: I knew it.
- [Looks at Sarah]
- Chuck Bartowski: Drugs.
- John Casey: It's powdered fruit punch, dumb ass.
- Chuck Bartowski: Q-36 game copier. Thankfully, Morgan is too cheap and unethical to pay for his own video game entertainment. Canada's greatest gift since Shania Twain.
- Lester Patel: I don't know what to tell you. I don't know anything.
- Emmett Milbarge: Oh, of course you do, Lester. You've worked very closely with Charles for years.
- Lester Patel: Perhaps I've overstated the nature of our relationship. We don't socialize much. In fact, I've felt slighted on more than one occasion.
- Emmett Milbarge: Oh, good. Then you won't have a problem ratting him out.
- Lester Patel: I have no ethical dilemma. I meant I just don't know anything!
- Jeff Barnes: [to Emmett] I don't rat. Only thing my mother taught me from the joint. You want answers, talk to the Injun.
- Lester Patel: "Injun" is a highly derogatory term referring to Native Americans, not East Indians, you cretin!
- Jeff Barnes: Grab a shiv and make your move.
- Lester Patel: [to Emmett] We should run now. He's in "prison mode."