We open episode two with laments. Or whining. Whichever. Chuck (Zachary Levi
)) wants a normal life. He doesn't want to work at Buy More as an undercover agent anymore. But the destruction of the Cipher means Operation Bartowski will continue indefinitely.
"If I were you, I'd get used to working at the Buy More," Casey (Adam Baldwin
) says. "You ain't leaving anytime soon."
Lester (Vik Sahay
), meanwhile, has turned into a little tyrant under his new title of "assistant manager" adding annoyance to Chuck's work day. "I can't believe this is my life," Chuck tells Morgan (Joshua Gomez
). "Do you remember a time in my life when I had potential?"
"No matter how bad your life gets, remember that you get to go home with THAT," Morgan says.
Cue slow-motion montage of Sarah (Yvonne Strahovski
) doing somersaults, crawling on all fours and generally looking very, very attractive. She leans in and kisses Chuck.
"Is that a real kiss, or a 'cover kiss'? Because I'm confused right now,'' Chuck says.
''It's a 'we-have-a-national-security-emergency-and-I need-to-speak-to-you-privately' kiss,'' Sarah says. ''Chuck, I told you we can't be together. It's unprofessional.'' Chuck argues Sarah once dated super spy Bryce Larkin (Matt Bomer
). Sarah argues the situation was different. Chuck is an "asset." Ouch.
They go behind the freezer at the yogurt shop and find a brand new underground headquarters. The CIA sprung for a first-class operation, Casey explains. General Beckman (Bonita Friedericy
) appears onscreen with news: "The real Cipher may still be out there."
In fact, it's almost certainly in the possession of a former KGB agent. Only one man has been able to get close to this Sasha Banacheck(Melinda Clarke
): Agent Rowan Montgomery (John Larroquette
), currently off the grid.
The team is told to use the Intersect (Chuck's mind) to find Montgomery in order to find and extract information from Sasha. In other words, the orders are typically overly complicated. "Count me out on this one," Chuck says. "I'm not a real spy."
Sarah tells Chuck the sooner they find the real Intersect, the sooner he can have what he always wanted. Chuck relents and looks at the file. The Intersect kicks in and Chuck sees visions of an old-school James Bond style agent surrounded by women.
The trio arrives at Montgomery's home to find the door ajar and the room ransacked. Casey and Sarah draw their guns. In reality, Montgomery is just a messy drunk. An airline attendant is on her way out and Montgomery is passed out under the bed.
''This is the guy that's supposed to help us?'' Chuck asks. ''I'm going to be the Intersect forever.''
And yet, Montgomery might be just the man for the job. A shower and two martinis later, the man is all business. He says the only way to crack Sasha is to seduce her.
''We need someone innocuous,'' the smooth-talking Montgomery says. ''Someone to whom she can let her guard down.''
Hmm. I wonder who that could be? Does his name rhyme with Buck, perchance?
Yes, indeedy. The plan: the Chuckster will get cozy with Ms. Former KGB to the point where he is invited up to her room. From there, he will look for the Cipher. Easy, right? Hardly. Charm school, as taught by Montgomery, gets off to a rocky start.
''This isn't happy hour at Chili's,'' Montgomery snaps. ''Perhaps I move too fast. Have you had intercourse before?''
Chuck redeems himself by laying an eye-popping practice kiss on Sarah. ''Don't worry,'' Montgomery says after Sarah leaves the room to fix her lipstick. ''I'll teach you how to get her too.''
Later, Chuck gets wired up for his date. Montgomery also offers him a gun.
''Why do you think they call her the Black Widow?'' Montgomery asks.
''Because she's African American and her husband died?'' Chuck guesses.
''Because she has killed all her mates,'' Montgomery says.
Mission time. Montgomery and Sarah work surveillance from a van parked outside. Casey works the hotel bar. Chuck, dressed to the nines, approaches Miss Sasha.
After initial coolness, Sasha warms to Chuck's smooth talk as provided by Montgomery via a hidden ear piece. Unfortunately, double-oh-drunk spills his martini on the computer equipment and shorts out the system. Suddenly, Chuck is on his own.
Sasha begins whispering seductively in a foreign tongue. Chuck counters with: ''So, what bands are you into?''
Before you can say cold shower, Sasha leaves. To make matters worse, Sarah fixes the communication system just as she is telling a nosy Montgomery she doesn't have any feelings for Chuck. Reeling, Chuck asks Montgomery for a final bit of seduction advice. ''Be a bastard,'' the agent says.
''Hey, missy,'' Chuck says. ''I just want to tell you you're a fool! Just before you drift off to sleep you're going to have one final, terrifying thought: That you passed up an evening with the greatest lover that you'll ever know.''
Sure enough, being a bastard seems to work when it comes to former KGB woman. ''You can take me up to my room and make mad, passionate sex to me,'' Sasha says.
Chuck attempts to remain composed before Sasha pulls him into the elevator and attacks him with her lips. Sarah, watching from the hallway, is obviously jealous.
Inside the hotel room, Sasha emerges from the bedroom wearing a sexy nightie and a necklace. Chuck/ Intersect recognizes the latter to be the Cipher in disguise. Sasha then leans close to Chuck and whispers in his ear.
''Hello,'' she says to Montgomery. ''You shouldn't have sent a boy to do a man's job.''
Cover blown, Chuck escapes to the balcony and locks the sliding glass doors behind him. ''Don't beg for your life,'' the Black Widow says through the glass. ''You have nothing to offer me.'' Chuck holds up the necklace. ''Well, I have THIS!''
The Widow's jaw drops and Chuck leaps/falls from the balcony. He lands between two lovers on a cushy sofa. Shocked to be alive, he excitedly tells his wristwatch/radio he has the Cipher. Unfortunately, the voice on the other end belongs to the Black Widow. She has Casey and Sarah tied up and surrounded by big, hulking men with guns.
''If you ever want to see your fellow agents alive again, meet me tomorrow with the Cipher,'' she says. ''Come alone.''
Chuck runs into Montgomery, who is at least three (maybe eight) sheets to the wind. The old spy says his glory days were a long time ago and advises Chuck not to try to save his friends. Chuck says Sarah is worth dying for, which seems to awaken something in the old, drunk spy.
Sure enough, Chuck is stocking shelves at Buy More the next morning when Montgomery, looking surprisingly sober and put together, enters the store. He asks Chuck for his plan, which is simply to exchange the agents for the Cipher.
''Perhaps we should revise your plan,'' Montgomery says. ''Come up with something that doesn't get us all killed.'' Looks like the old man is back in the game and just in time.
The exchange is to go down at Buy More. Sasha arrives with Sarah and Casey in tow. Chuck appears on all the monitors cocksure and demanding until one of Sasha's agents discovers him in the back room. The ensuing chase ends with Chuck trapped and helpless on the roof.
Meanwhile, a fight breaks out downstairs. Sasha ends up holding a gun to Sarah's head and walking her outside to an awaiting limo. Montgomery, gun drawn and trailing the Widow, tells Chuck through his earpiece to be a spy.
Chuck, wanting nothing less than to be a spy, ties a giant banner around his waist and swings down from the roof, knocking the Black Widow unconscious. James Bond himself couldn't have done it better. ''Now that's what I call a spy,'' Montgomery quips.
Back at the secret-underground-yogurt-store lair, General Beckman congratulates the team on retrieving the Cipher. ''Hopefully now we can rebuild the Intersect,'' she says. Does this mean Chuck will become expendable once again? Stay tuned...
Montgomery gives Chuck a final piece of romantic advice: ''Go to Sarah's apartment wearing a white dinner jacket and carrying a red rose.'' Chuck does just that...only to find the rakishly handsome Bryce Larkin already inside. Sarah looks torn.
''Hello, Chuck,'' Bryce says with a smirk. ''Miss me?''
We can see by the look on Chuck's face the answer is no. Not at all.