Rodney Carrington: Live at the Majestic (2007 TV Special)

Rodney Carrington: Self

Quotes 

• Rodney Carrington : They always say before you get married, take a good look at your wife's mother, because that's what she's going to look like and act like. And if that's the case,

  [singing] 

  Rodney Carrington : I'm fuuuuuuucked! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la I'm fucked.

• Rodney Carrington : [referring to his mother-in-law's maxi-pads which he claims are as thick as travel pillows.]  I told her, "If you have this much flow, you don't need a pad, you need stitches."

• Rodney Carrington : [talking about how the relationship changes after marriage]  You know, you'll spend some time together, then you tell her, "You know, you're fun! I like you! You're fun! We have fun together! Let's get married!" So you get married, then after a little while fun starts packin' its shit! And you go, "Where ya' goin', fun?" And she goes, "Oh, nowhere. Just gettin' some stuff together." And then one day, Fun says "Fuck it!" and takes off! And you go, "Come back, Fun!" And she says, "Fuck you married guy!"

• Rodney Carrington : [talking about people making their own porno's]  Aw, hell. My wife and I made a porno, good God, somehow it's wound up on the internet...

  [grins mischeviously] 

  Rodney Carrington : cuz I put it there! You're welcome!

• Rodney Carrington : [talking about masturbation]  You remember the day we discovered masturbation, fellas? We didn't get nothin' done that week, did we? We're goin' "This feels great! Why didn't anyone tell me about this?"

  [audience laughs] 

  Rodney Carrington : . Nothin' to be ashamed of, if God didn't want us to do it, he'd made our arms shorter! I think that's why the tyranasaurus rex was such an angry creature!

  [pulls his arms into his chest and starts waving wildly] 

  Rodney Carrington : Yaaaah! Raaaaaaahh!

  [Audience roars] 

  Rodney Carrington : If someone had just jerked his big ass off, he might have been a little more friendly!

  [gets a dumb look on his face and grins] 

  Rodney Carrington : Oooooooohhhhh! Ya Ya Ya! Ya Ya Ya! Ya, Ya, Ya, Ya, Ya!

  [making fun of the Barney song]