King Julien: I want to watch animals on the computer. Well, I want to watch me on the computer, you know. Eh, what is a computer?
Mort: I like computers!
King Julien: So you know?
Mort: No, but I don't have to know... to like!
Marlene: A computer is a machine the people use to avoid work, mainly by watching silly little videos.
Maurice: You're saying those cameras are there so the whole world can watch us?
Skipper: Like hawks!
Kowalski: Except for the swooping down and devouring us part.
King Julien: Tell me more about this "People want to watch me" thing.
Marlene: They get on the internet and vote for their favorite animal. You know, back in my old aquarium, I was voted most popular three years in a row.
King Julien: Which is not interesting to me because it is not about me. See how that works?
Marlene: Maybe you didn't hear me.
[Pulls out three trophies]
Marlene: Three-time national internet popularity champion right here!
King Julien: [Seeing his reflection on one of the trophies] Ooh, I can see me, but wider. I would very much like to have it!
Marlene: Since I'm no longer in competition - scandal, long story - I can help you, if you want.
King Julien: Silly otter. I do not need this thing called help.
Marlene: Mmm, okay. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.
King Julien: Yes, yes, but I don't change my mind. I have people for that.
King Julien: Marlene, what are you doing here?
Marlene: I live here?
King Julien: Really? Who knew? I didn't.
Marlene: Julien, you never visit. You must really be stinking up the internet.
King Julien: Yes... I mean, no! I could not be more popularlest. Everybody is loving the king that is me.
Marlene: Okay, I'll let you get back to that.
King Julien: Yes, I guess I really should... They hate me! They hate me! I must have the shiny trophy, and that roly-poly penguin is hogging all the glory that should be the king's! Help me! Please, please! I'll say it one more time, Please!
Marlene: Okay, since you are pathetically begging.
King Julien: I'm not sure I would say pathetic.
Marlene: I would.
King Julien: All right, it's just a word. Help me now.
Marlene: Okay, here's what I see. Lights, music, artsy hats, a performance that'll knock'em dead!
King Julien: Yes! And if they're dead, they can't vote for that ridiculous penguin.
Skipper: Kowalski, recon. What do you see?
Kowalski: [Seeing through binoculars] Not sure. The enemy must have some sort of cloaking device.
Skipper: [Removes lenscap from binoculars] How about now?
Skipper: We don't have much time. Kowalski, counterspying scenario, si'l vous plait.
[Kowalski draws up a plan and shows it to Skipper]
Skipper: Blast! The enemy saw it. Better think up another plan.
[Kowalski draws another plan]
Skipper: Oh, even better than the first one!
Skipper: Blast! The enemy saw this one too.
Skipper: This madness ends now!
Private: Hello, Skipper. Care for a bite?
Skipper: We're busting you out, Private.
Private: Oh, I don't think that's possible, Skipper. Between the slipping and the falling I'm booked solid.
Skipper: Just as I feared. You've been brainwashed.
Private: I've been brainwashed?
Skipper: Yes, you've been brainwashed.
Private: [droning] Brainwashed.
Skipper: You don't want your brain washed.
Private: I don't want my brain washed.
Skipper: Here's the plan: we give them zip. Nobody move a muscle.
Private: Uh, Skipper? I-I really need to...
Skipper: Go, go, go!
[Private leaves; offscreen toilet flush; Private returns]
Private: Much better. Thank you.
Skipper: Hold formation!
[Cut to night time; all are asleep]
Skipper: [Yawning] Hold... formation. Just a few more years of this and we're in the clear.
Private: [starting to crack with hunger] The tastetiness!
Skipper: We're losing Private. Rico, talk some sense into him.
[Rico slaps Private]
Private: Thanks, Skipper.
Skipper: I knew you'd listen to reason.
Skipper: Glad to have you back, Private.
Private: Thanks, Skipper. Although I do miss the Flippy lifestyle.
Skipper: Still a little brainwashed, I see? Rico?
[Rico slaps Private]
Private: Much better, Skipper.
Skipper: Don't you get it? They're trying to get inside our heads, stealing our secrets.
Marlene: Wait, what?
Skipper: Stealing our secrets!
Marlene: No, they're not. It's just for fun.
Skipper: They've gotten to you! There's no one we can trust, boys. Rico!
[Rico regurgitates a smoke screen bomb; they escape under the cover of the smoke]