Shawn Spencer: Buzz McNab! Christmas spirits told me to give this to you.
[Shawn gives Buzz a BB gun]
McNab: Oh my goodness, a Daisy Red Ryder! I had one of these when I was a kid. It was the reason I wanted to become a policeman.
Shawn Spencer: Well, Merry Christmas from me and Gus.
McNab: Thanks, guys.
[Buzz walks away, cradling the gun]
Burton 'Gus' Guster: He's going to shoot his eye out.
Shawn Spencer: Yes, he is.
Shawn Spencer: Lassie!
[Shawn gives Lassiter a "Psych" snowglobe]
Carlton Lassiter: [uneasily] I... I hate snowglobes.
Shawn Spencer: Well, that's funny. My psychic senses told me specifically that snowglobes *didn't* give you nightmares about being trapped in a clear ball with snow that burns your skin off.
Shawn Spencer: [to Juliet] Mr. Mittens said it felt just like going to sleep and he doesn't hold it against you at all. Kitty heaven? It's just like East Beach.
[Shawn and Henry are exchanging gifts]
Henry Spencer: Go on, shake it, rattle it, feel it, sniff it, do whatever the hell you want with it before it goes in that stocking. Then you've got one week to figure out what it is.
Shawn Spencer: Dad... this ridiculous competition means way more to you than it does to me.
Henry Spencer: That's why you haven't won since you were eight years old.
Shawn Spencer: Christmas '92 was a draw, you know that!
[Lassiter is making Christmas crafts with Juliet's young nephews]
Carlton Lassiter: All right, fellas, what do we got here? You know, Drake... technically, Jesus was born around April, so we need to get rid of this winter foliage. Oh, and Finn, the word "manger" actually refers to the wooden feeding trough that the animals used, so let's put baby Jesus in this little shot glass.
Juliet O'Hara: Uh... Carlton?
Carlton Lassiter: You know, based on how far they had to travel, all the experts agree that the Wise Men didn't really get there until Jesus was two, so let's get rid of them.
Juliet O'Hara: Uh... uh, Carlton? Remember, this is for the *children*?
Carlton Lassiter: Right. Let's do one with Santa in it. Hand me Kris Kringle there, guys.
Juliet O'Hara: That's a great idea!
Carlton Lassiter: You know, interestingly enough, the Dutch version of Santa used slaves to deliver the toys.
Henry Spencer: As a rule, you never want to get involved in a case where personal relationships are involved.
Shawn Spencer: Dad, I think I can handle it.
Henry Spencer: What if Gus's dad is guilty?
Shawn Spencer: Are you out of your mind? How could you even say that?
Henry Spencer: See, right there, that's what I mean. Right there, Shawn. You've already made your decision irrespective of the facts. You have already compromised this case.
Shawn Spencer: Compromised *why*? Because I'm not afraid of my own emotional attachments? I'll have you know I view that as a tool in my problem solving, not a liability.
Henry Spencer: With that kind of lame-ass thinking, I can see why you were never a detective.
Shawn Spencer: And I can see why you ended up a divorced detective!
Shawn Spencer: [checks his watch] My God... we went almost three hours without having an argument.
Henry Spencer: Hmm. It's our best holiday in years, huh?
[playing video games with Juliet's young nephews]
Carlton Lassiter: You better change your name to Lassiter, because I OWN you!
Shawn Spencer: [on the phone] Dad... no, it is not an engraved set of rubber bullets. Why would I possibly give you another excuse to shoot a gun?
Shawn Spencer: Can the Super Smeller pick out a scent from memory?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Well, the olfactory and memory areas of the cerebral cortex share the same neural pathways.
Shawn Spencer: [frowning] What, is that... is that a yes?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Yes.
Henry Spencer: Well, Shawn, looks like another draw this year.
Shawn Spencer: Yes, it appears so.
[Shawn opens his present]
Shawn Spencer: Oh, look at that! Little "Psych" golf balls.
Henry Spencer: I also signed you up for lessons with the golf pro at the Santa Barbara Municipal Course.
Shawn Spencer: Aww, that's sweet, Dad, thank you. All right, your turn.
Henry Spencer: Oh... all right. No idea what this is.
[Henry opens his present and finds a folded square of paper]
Henry Spencer: What is this?
[unfolds the paper]
Henry Spencer: [reading] "Dear Dad, You got me 'Psych' golf balls and golf lessons with the pro down at the Municipal Course."
Shawn Spencer: Turn it over, turn it over, turn it over!
[Henry flips over the note]
Henry Spencer: [reading] "I believe his name is Pierre."
Shawn Spencer: BOOYAH! I got you, old man!
Carlton Lassiter: Alright! Who keeps telling people I want snow globes for Christmas?
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Because of you, Shawn, I got my first B, broke my first curfew, accidentally killed the state bird...
Shawn Spencer: How was I supposed to know he couldn't hold his own liquor?
Shawn Spencer: What I'm sensing here, ladies and gentlemen, is murder.
Carlton Lassiter: Spencer, old people are always offing themselves over the holidays.
McNab: Oh, according to CSU, Shawn might be right.
Shawn Spencer: Colorado State University.
Burton 'Gus' Guster: Crime Scene Unit.
Shawn Spencer: Them too.